So, here it is finally. Our long-promised News Roundup feature, which is essentially me and my cohort Ethos having an IM conversation about whatever piqued our interest in the videogame industry over the last week. The goal is to be novel, funny and informative, but if you find it dry, long-winded and superfluous, that works as well.
DO enjoy.
Riddles: So what stories do you have?
Ethos: That’s how we’re going to start?
Ethos: C’mon, man!
Ethos: This is it!
Ethos: This is the premiere!
Ethos: This is the FIRST!!!111
Ethos: We gotta epic the shit out of this.
Ethos: C’mon, man!
Ethos: This is it!
Ethos: This is the premiere!
Ethos: This is the FIRST!!!111
Ethos: We gotta epic the shit out of this.
Riddles: No, no, no
Riddles: I don’t think me being in the dark and you introducing everything is a good idea.
Riddles: I don’t think me being in the dark and you introducing everything is a good idea.
Ethos: Fine
Ethos: I’ll give you the low down
Ethos: I’ll give you the low down
Riddles: Gewd
Ethos: But I’ll likely keep that intro in
Ethos: Because it was sweet
*time passes*
Ethos: Alright…
Ethos: LET’S GET TO THE NEWS!!
Ethos: Or some sort of appropriate intro
Ethos: Because it was sweet
*time passes*
Ethos: Alright…
Ethos: LET’S GET TO THE NEWS!!
Ethos: Or some sort of appropriate intro
Riddles: Let us delve into the NEWS!
Ethos: I can dig it.
Ethos:“Hype” websites are dumb. I don’t care about this announcement until it happens, if even then.
Ethos:“Hype” websites are dumb. I don’t care about this announcement until it happens, if even then.
Riddles: And this one weirds me out
Riddles: Seriously, uh…
Riddles: Che Guevara?
Riddles: For realz?
Riddles: Seriously, uh…
Riddles: Che Guevara?
Riddles: For realz?
Ethos: Yeah, it’s really stupid
Ethos: More stupid than countdowns to countdowns
Ethos: It’s just SO GIMMICK
Ethos: Blatant hype
Ethos: More stupid than countdowns to countdowns
Ethos: It’s just SO GIMMICK
Ethos: Blatant hype
Riddles: I’d like to know how Che Guevara shirts gained any popularity in the first place.
Ethos: I really don’t know
Ethos: I was never a cool kid
Ethos: I was Jesus of the Geeks
Ethos: I was never a cool kid
Ethos: I was Jesus of the Geeks
Riddles: YOU were never a cool kid?
Riddles: What the hell does that say about ME?
Riddles: What the hell does that say about ME?
Ethos: You were the one in the corner that everybody assumed would murder someone someday.
Riddles: ***Riddles sobs
Riddles: And they were right…
Riddles: And they were right…
Ethos: Alright, exhausted that piece of shit story
Riddles: Indeed
Ethos: Elite replacing the Pro, including price?!
Ethos: You talked about this
Ethos: But that’s why this is a ROUNDUP
Ethos: You talked about this
Ethos: But that’s why this is a ROUNDUP
Riddles: TRUTH
Riddles: Smart decision on the part of Microsft.
Riddles: Smart decision on the part of Microsft.
Ethos: I agree with you, but it seems like a SUSPICIOUSLY good move.
Ethos: I’m really waiting for the other foot to drop
Ethos: Like, “this is awesome, but you’ll have to install an update that’ll Red Ring your 360″
Ethos: I’m really waiting for the other foot to drop
Ethos: Like, “this is awesome, but you’ll have to install an update that’ll Red Ring your 360″
Riddles: Well
Riddles: Um
Riddles: It’s not THAT awesome
Riddles: It’s just a smart move
Riddles: The fewer SKUs floating around, the better
Riddles: There’s a line between giving the consumer selection, and confusing the hell out of them.
Riddles: Um
Riddles: It’s not THAT awesome
Riddles: It’s just a smart move
Riddles: The fewer SKUs floating around, the better
Riddles: There’s a line between giving the consumer selection, and confusing the hell out of them.
Ethos: Agreed there.
Ethos: It’s sad that even though I follow the industry VERY closely, I STILL have no idea which PS3s are available.
Ethos: It’s sad that even though I follow the industry VERY closely, I STILL have no idea which PS3s are available.
Riddles: Heh, my point exactly.
Ethos: It’s also sad that even a small smart move by Microsoft has me that suspicious.
Ethos: Especially coming from the Super Optimist.
Ethos: Especially coming from the Super Optimist.
Riddles: Yeah, wtf
Riddles: I’m the one who’s supposed to be all like, “well that’s kinda cool but the world will probably end tomorrow.”
Riddles: I’m the one who’s supposed to be all like, “well that’s kinda cool but the world will probably end tomorrow.”
Ethos: Ba-ha ha
Ethos: I’m actually a pretty ridiculous mix of both.
Ethos: I was Super Optimist ONLY over at Lusipurr.com because SOMEBODY had to be.
Ethos: I’m actually a pretty ridiculous mix of both.
Ethos: I was Super Optimist ONLY over at Lusipurr.com because SOMEBODY had to be.
Riddles: True
Riddles: Somebody has to be the punching bag.
Riddles: Somebody has to be the punching bag.
Ethos: Oh well, I can let ALL my colours show now
Ethos: Including the cynical ones
Ethos: Let them SHOW LIKE A RAINBOW
Ethos: Including the cynical ones
Ethos: Let them SHOW LIKE A RAINBOW
Riddles: …
Riddles: No.
Riddles: You had to say “like a rainbow,” didn’t you?
Riddles: No.
Riddles: You had to say “like a rainbow,” didn’t you?
Ethos: I did.
Ethos: I did have to.
Ethos: I did have to.
Riddles: Of course you did.
Ethos: Anyway, we’re WAY off track.
Riddles: Truth!
Ethos: NEXT
Ethos: Let’s talk about the PS3 for onc…
Ethos: Let’s talk about the PS3 for onc…
Riddles: ONE MOMENT
Ethos: Oh yez?
Riddles: I need to grab a sammich and a beer.
Ethos: THAT… I can allow.
*more time passes*
*more time passes*
Riddles: Yum.
Ethos: You back? Say the magic word to get us started!
Riddles: Pattycakes?
Ethos: GOOD ENOUGH!
Ethos: “NEXT” would have also done.
Ethos: No Single Player Demo for Uncharted 2? What the fuck? STOO-PUD.
Ethos: Not that I would download it anyway, because I want to go at it clean, but still.
Ethos: I don’t even understand WHY 2 has multiplayer. Just like Bioshock. It makes no sense. They do not strike me as games that need multiplayer.
Ethos: “NEXT” would have also done.
Ethos: No Single Player Demo for Uncharted 2? What the fuck? STOO-PUD.
Ethos: Not that I would download it anyway, because I want to go at it clean, but still.
Ethos: I don’t even understand WHY 2 has multiplayer. Just like Bioshock. It makes no sense. They do not strike me as games that need multiplayer.
Riddles: Yeah, same here
Riddles: From the four hours or so that I managed to spend with Uncharted
Riddles: The last thing that came to mind was “damn, this really needs multiplayer!”
Riddles: From the four hours or so that I managed to spend with Uncharted
Riddles: The last thing that came to mind was “damn, this really needs multiplayer!”
Ethos: Yup!
Ethos: Uncharted is all about character and BioShock is all about mood.
Ethos: Why throw multiplayer into those mixes?
Ethos: I mean they DO control really well
Ethos: But still
Ethos: I don’t get it.
Ethos: Uncharted is all about character and BioShock is all about mood.
Ethos: Why throw multiplayer into those mixes?
Ethos: I mean they DO control really well
Ethos: But still
Ethos: I don’t get it.
Riddles: Multiplayer modes are becoming gimmicky cash-in add-ons
Riddles: And it’s disturbing
Riddles: And it’s disturbing
Ethos: I feel like it will dilute the main game.
Ethos: And Uncharted 2 is supposedly longer as well
Ethos: Which I don’t see as a good thing.
Ethos: I loved the length of the last one.
Ethos: And Uncharted 2 is supposedly longer as well
Ethos: Which I don’t see as a good thing.
Ethos: I loved the length of the last one.
Riddles: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID
Ethos: If it was a few hours longer, fine, but it is apparently significantly longe…
Riddles: …
Ethos: Win.
Riddles: Wait, that wouldn’t be a good…
Ethos: Hence why you win.
Ethos: You win fail.
Ethos: You win fail.
Riddles: Yeah.
Riddles: Epic Win Fail.
Riddles: ***Riddles sighs heavily
Riddles: Epic Win Fail.
Riddles: ***Riddles sighs heavily
Ethos: The story of your life!
Riddles: SO true.
Riddles: so… true…
Riddles: so… true…
Ethos: Anyway, enough there.
Ethos: I’m more optimistic for Uncharted 2 than I am for BioShock 2.
Ethos: But then again, BioShock 2 has been pawned off onto other developers and I like Uncharted more anyway
Ethos: So that’s clearly biased
Ethos: I’m more optimistic for Uncharted 2 than I am for BioShock 2.
Ethos: But then again, BioShock 2 has been pawned off onto other developers and I like Uncharted more anyway
Ethos: So that’s clearly biased
Riddles: CLEARLY
Ethos: There’s enough people who thought BioShock was the ultimate shit to be optimistic for it.
Riddles: Like me.
Ethos: Although I hear a lot of MEGA fans of the first one… like… of your proportions, that are entirely apathetic about the next one.
Riddles: I still have high hopes for both games.
Riddles: And I haven’t even finished Uncharted.
Riddles: And I haven’t even finished Uncharted.
Ethos: …now YOU’RE being the optimist.
Ethos: This is weird, dude
Ethos: ANYWAY, this is getting long, so let’s move on.
Ethos: What’s the magic word?
Ethos: This is weird, dude
Ethos: ANYWAY, this is getting long, so let’s move on.
Ethos: What’s the magic word?
Riddles: NEXT!
Ethos: Good job!
Ethos: Netflix exclusive to Xbox 360
Ethos: …wait… I don’t give a shit.
Ethos: Do you?
Ethos: Netflix exclusive to Xbox 360
Ethos: …wait… I don’t give a shit.
Ethos: Do you?
Riddles: (one moment)
Riddles: (I have no idea what this is or means)
Riddles: (I have no idea what this is or means)
Ethos: (That’s fine)
Ethos: (In fact, I’ll just leave this in and we can move on)
Ethos: (So let’s go with a super-secret “next”)
Ethos: (In fact, I’ll just leave this in and we can move on)
Ethos: (So let’s go with a super-secret “next”)
Riddles: NEXT
Ethos: THAT WASN’T SUPER-SECRET!!
Riddles: (sorry)
Riddles: (next)
Riddles: (next)
Ethos: (that’s better)
Ethos: Clements liked Dissidia
Ethos: Sweet
Ethos: Looks good
Ethos: That’s all I got.
Ethos: Clements liked Dissidia
Ethos: Sweet
Ethos: Looks good
Ethos: That’s all I got.
Riddles: Well, this is encouraging.
Riddles: I was really surprised by the demo.
Riddles: I was really surprised by the demo.
Ethos: Me too, to be honest.
Ethos: Played MUCH better than expected
Ethos: Played MUCH better than expected
Riddles: I’m glad the final product measures up
Riddles: At least in IGN’s opinion.
Riddles: At least in IGN’s opinion.
Ethos: Yup! I haven’t read other reviews because I suck IGN off, but I trust Clements.
Riddles: There aren’t many other reviews at the moment…
Ethos: Well, watch the video review after this is done, it’s a goodun’
Ethos: Also POKEMON ROXXXXX
Ethos: Also POKEMON ROXXXXX
Riddles: Does it?
Ethos: SO EXCITED FOR SILVER REMAKE!!!!
Ethos: ***Ethos shoots off everywhere
Ethos: ***Ethos shoots off everywhere
Riddles: Oh bah.
Ethos: God, I think that’s too embarassing for me to edit out.
Ethos: I deserve the shame.
Ethos: I deserve the shame.
Riddles: Like every iteration since then hasn’t been a remake.
Ethos: It’s the second series of them, yes.
Ethos: But Silver has always been my favorite in the series.
Ethos: Silver > Platinum > Yellow > Sapphire
Ethos: But enough embarrassing me with my Pokemon knowledge
Ethos: Anything else to add?
Ethos: I think this went rather well.
Ethos: But Silver has always been my favorite in the series.
Ethos: Silver > Platinum > Yellow > Sapphire
Ethos: But enough embarrassing me with my Pokemon knowledge
Ethos: Anything else to add?
Ethos: I think this went rather well.
Riddles: Surprisingly
Ethos: GOOD FIRST OFFICIAL ROUNDUP
Ethos: Anyway, let’s end ‘er off.
Ethos: With some sort of close-off slogan
Ethos: Anyway, let’s end ‘er off.
Ethos: With some sort of close-off slogan
Riddles: SPLOOGE
Riddles: …
Riddles: …
Ethos: HA HA HA HA
Ethos: THAT’S GUNNA BE IT!
Ethos: THAT’S GUNNA BE IT!
Outtake of the Week:
Re: Netflix Exclusive to Xbox 360 -
Riddles: How’d Microsoft manage that one?
Riddles: CASH WADS AND BLOWJOBS APLENTY
Riddles: anyway