“Wrong Hole, Darling” – Love Story Misses Countdown #2

Ugh. Blah. Plugh. Boy does this ever piss me off. I didn’t know I had such hidden rage about the next couple on this list until Riddles and I were brainstorming the feature and I went on a tirade. A screen capture of that rant will be seen in this article, but let’s introduce the idiots first.

So...bad...

So...bad...

#2 Worst Video Game Romance: Jaster and Kisala
Perhaps you could argue that Rogue Galaxy isn’t popular enough to even justify a spot in this list, but this game handles the situation so poorly that we had no choice but to not only give them a place, but the #2 spot. Those who have been following me on the nerd corners of the internet may remember my first published review over at RPGamer.com. I was not entirely friendly to the game, especially when compared to the other 6 reviews. I pointed my disappointment to the general direction of the writing and pacing, and while that accusation still rings true, I didn’t even mention the most insulting, terrible part. Although the #1 couple is a bit more guilty of this, Rogue Galaxy’s biggest failure was even trying to ever bring focus to the romance. If about 3 things in the game were changed, I could accept the two as platonic comrades. Sure, it would be frustrating, but it would be consistent, and at least I’ve come to expect that of JRPGs. But the thing to note here is that the 3 times (maximum) that the romance is implied, it makes some of the most sweeping dramatic statements ever. I would love to describe the stupidity myself right now, but I can’t imagine that it could do a better job than my rant the other night when brain-storming this feature with Sir James Riddles Motok himself. Three things to note before the screen grab though:
1. Lloyd and Collette are mentioned in this conversation and aren’t on the list. SPOILERS.
2. It’s a screengrab…I can’t fix typos like I can for the News Roundup.
3. Those time stamps are accurate.
Rogue Galaxy rant
See what I mean??!!? The major conclusion on this, like, 60 hour game with HOURS of cutscenes is PLAIN TEXT revolving around a romance that CLEARLY DOESN’T EXIST!! There is literally more romance in that special move than there would be if you take the most romantically explicit scene in the game and multiply it by seven billion! And then they have the GALL to revolve the already really shitty ending around this apparent romance? They should have just removed any semblance of story and just told the plot through special moves! It would have made more fucking sense.
*seethes*
Alright. I think I’m calm. What a stupid game. It’s also a waste because Kisala is smoking hot.

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9 Responses to ““Wrong Hole, Darling” – Love Story Misses Countdown #2”

  1. SiliconNooB says:

    Bahahahahaha! They fell in love during the special move!

    I think it has been clearly established by now that Leval-5 can’t write RPG storylines for shit, considering how much they seem to love making cutscenes you really would think they’d hire a prfessional writer …. But the question remains, if Rogue Galaxy is #2 then who is #1?!!? ……….. It could only be Meryl and Johhny Saski in MGS4, nothing else even comes close to the level of shittyness required!

    And then they have the G*A*LL to revolve the already really shitty ending around this apparent romance?

  2. Ethos says:

    Ooop. Yup. It wouldn’t be a countdown on this list, if there wasn’t something to correct after!
    Oh yes, it baffles the MIND how poorly everything is written in that game. But again, my review says it exactly how I’d say it. Because…er…it’s my review.
    And I don’t know if this’ll give you a hint to #1, but Riddles and I INSTANTLY agreed on the spot even though we feel differently about the game itself.
    In fact, the top spots on both lists fell into place surprisingly quickly.
    He and I will dual-write the #1 spots for both.

  3. SiliconNooB says:

    Squall and Rhinoa?

  4. Ethos says:

    Bah-ha ha ha, that couple DOES suck. Don’t forget that there’ll be honourable mentions on Sunday as well.

  5. SiliconNooB says:

    IknowIknowIknowIknowIknowIknowIknowIknow!!! Wakka and Lulu are the most awful, out of place and left of feild couple ever seen in a video game!

  6. Ethos says:

    Really? I think it kinda fits. But maybe because I actually really liked Lulu and Wakka, and Wakka was the only voice actor I bought entirely. But we’re only mentioning one couple a game for the official lists. Anyway, I gotta write the #2 for the good list!

  7. SiliconNooB says:

    I really really like Wakka and Lulu too … just not together.

    How about Zelda and Link, they’re really just the same as Peach and Mario.

    I know Freya and Sir Frateley!

  8. Ethos says:

    I gotta stop responding and ruling out all these guesses! We’ll talk tomorrow when all is revealed!

  9. SiliconNooB says:

    It’s Freya and Sir Frateley!

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