Hey! Look! Listen!

HLLfinal

…ahh. So. He DID write a review. Or, so it would appear, at least.

Of course, the only reason I haven’t done so as well is because I can’t spare the time for a decidedly mediocre game like Final Fantasy XIII. Ethos, on the other hand, is consistently thrilled and amazed by all the mediocre things of the world. So good for him.

Anyway, I’m your host Oliver “Riddles” Motok, and for some odd reason, I’ve been playing a lot of Modern Warfare 2. I’m actually decent at it now, which is probably why I’m enjoying it so much. I’d totally buy the recently-released “Stimulus Package” DLC, if it was a) available for PS3 and b) cost less than $15. Seriously, fifteen bucks? Really, Activision? I know you’re a soulless machine that eats money (and children) to survive, but still. Fifteen bucks?

With that, let us proceed to the topics of interest.

First Dead Space 2 Footage Emerges from PAX East

Woo! I’m excited. I love Dead Space. I even loved Dead Space Extraction for the Wii. So, needless to say, I’m excited to see how the story will continue with Dead Space 2. The footage below was first demonstrated at PAX East, and GamerVision managed to catch it on camera. The quality is shitty, yes, but it’s the best thing we have so far, and the actual gameplay shown looks intriguing, if not mind-blowing. Jet boots do make everything better, though. It’s important to remember that.


gamestopSome Idiot Sues GameStop over Dragon Age DLC

Perhaps you’ve purchased BioWare’s self-proclaimed dark fantasy epic, Dragon Age? If so, you recall that the retail copy comes with a code for a free piece of DLC called “The Fury of Shale.” It’s a one-time redeemable code, meaning if you buy the game used, you likely won’t be able to redeem it yourself.

However, on the back of the box, it still says “Includes downloadable character and quest – $15 value.” ¬†OMG FALSE ADVERTISINGGGGG

Ahem. Long story short, James Collins found this out for himself, got pissed, tried to return the game for his money back, and was refused because it had been over seven days. The logical response? No, not go home and enjoy the massiveness of Dragon Age even without the stupid little piece of DLC. You dummy. Obviously, SUE GAMESTOP. From the suit:

“GameStop, who makes more than 20% of its revenue and nearly $2 billion from the sale of used video games, is aware of this issue, and continues to fail to alert customers that this content is not available on used games,” the suit states. “As a result, GameStop tricks consumers into paying more for a used game than they would if they purchased the same game and content new.”

Don’t believe me? Check out the full suit in PDF format here. (IGN)

So Who Else is Interested in Enslaved?

Enslaved: Odyssey to the West is the next project from Ninja Theory, the developer behind the ill-fated PS3 exclusive, Heavenly Sword.

Now, from what I understand, Heavenly Sword wasn’t bad at all – I never played more than the demo, but I remember liking it, and I remember the game being fairly well-received. However, the game wasn’t profitable – at least, not to Ninja Theory. Co-founder Tameem Antoniades said so himself.

Unlike Heavenly Sword, Enslaved will be released on the PS3 and the Xbox 360. It’s set in a strangely beautiful post-apocalyptic world, and it features talent such as Andy Serkis of Lord of the Rings, and Alex Garland, the screenwriter for 28 Days Later. (aka, the only zombie movie in the world that Riddles likes.) Some pretty new screens were just released; click the sample below to visit Kotaku’s gallery.

enslaved

Be Very Afraid: Ubisoft Trademarks “Horse Gaga.”

horsegaga

Unless this is somehow the work of the nefarious Nate Liles, it looks like Ubisoft has finally, officially lost it. First draconian DRM measures, and now trademarks that make absolutely no sense. On March 23, everyone’s favorite French publisher trademarked “Horse Gaga” for videogame titles. Furthermore, the next day, they registered the HorseGaga.com domain name.

What can come of this? Nothing good, that’s what. Nothing. Good. (Kotaku)

I Knew There Was a Reason I Avoid Used Electronics

I don’t buy secondhand electronics. That goes for consoles, portables, TVs, DVD players, PCs – anything you plug in, essentially, I do not buy used. Ever. I’ve had a few bad experiences in the past. Or, at least, I think I have – I can’t remember what they were, exactly. The point is that I only buy new electronics, and this story out of Evanston, Illinois justifies this habit.

Some poor fuck found a PS3 Slim on Craigslist for $250. He met the seller in the parking lot of a local Best Buy. The seller then proceeded to take his money, get back in the car, and drive away. No violence, no threats. Just a good, old-fashioned case of complete suckery.

There are two things about this that I find particularly hilarious. First, for fifty dollars more, he could have bought a brand-new PS3, complete with warranties, the assurance that you won’t get forcibly scammed. And, secondly, the irony is compounded by the fact that he could have purchased said PS3 at the Best Buy where he met the crooked seller. (Kotaku)

Hot Coffee“Hot Coffee” Payout Checks Are Being Sent

God, this brings back memories. It also stands as a testament to how very, very slow our litigous processes can be. I remember reading about the Hot Coffee scandal back in the day. It was one hell of a story for the game industry; one that really hasn’t been matched in terms of relevance or scale since.

Maybe some of you remember it, and maybe you don’t; essentially, a modder discovered a sex mini-game hidden in the code of the PC version of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. People flipped a shit, lawsuits flew, and Hilary Clinton used the controversy as an opportunity to begin the dark trend of politicians attempting to make names for themselves by attacking videogames.

Anyway. Nobody really cares about it anymore, if they ever actually cared about it then. But, in an attempt to “voluntarily fulfill all properly-submitted claims,” GTA publisher Take-Two has begun sending out payout checks with the amount of $5-$35. A sample golden ticket is shown below. (Kotaku)

I've got a golden tickeeetttt...

Well, that’s that. While I was typing this up, it looks like my jackass of a partner has written more defamatory bullshit about me. I guess that’s fairly typical, though; while I sit here doing actual work, he’s sitting in his pathetic little corner trying to bring me down to his level so he can feel better about himself.

Such a sad, sad man.

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12 Responses to “Hey! Look! Listen!”

  1. SiliconNooB says:

    -The moron suing Gamestop should be retroactively aborted.

    -Looks like Ninja Theory’s new game has recycled Noriko. Also, are you sure Heavenly Sword wasn’t profitable? I was under the impression that it still had decent sales … how much money did they sink into its development?!

  2. SiliconNooB says:

    Heavenly Sword sold 1.4 million copies. If that’s not profitable, then they’re doing something wrong …

  3. ConstipatedCow says:

    … Never mind the fact that you FORGOT THE FUCKIN NEW METROID OTHER M FOOTAGE:

    http://gonintendo.com/viewstory.php?id=118989

    *orgasms* GAMEPLAYYYY!

  4. DarthGibblet says:

    @SN: To be fair, it was early PS3 development. They were probably doing several things wrong :D. I remember how proud the developers were of the hair octopus in Heavenly Sword and how, even though the main characters hair was clumped into about a dozen or so dreadlocks, they’d never clip through the character model or do anything that real hair wouldn’t (or so they claimed). I remember thinking at the time “I hope they take that concept and run with it in their next game.” So, sadly, I’m anxious to see how hair looks in Enslaved. The rest of the game looks intriguing, too, we’ll see how it pans out. If nothing else, Andy Serkis pretty much guarantees top-notch voicework.

    @CC: That footage if the first time I’ve ever wished something was on a console other than the Wii. Not because I’m averse to
    the idea of buying a Wii, more because I can’t imagine playing a game like that with a D-pad instead of an analog stick. Oh well, hopefully it proves me wrong (or it’s classic-controller compatible), because the 3rd person stuff does look like Metroid Gaiden, which could be very splooge-worthy.

    - I’m willing to bet “Horse GaGa” will be something along the same line as “Hamsterz” or “Kittenz” or all those other horrible pet sim games. If that’s the case, I plan on ignoring it until the end of time, and I’ll be much happier for it.

    - Coincidentally, stories like that are why I avoid both used electronics and Evanston :F.

    - Like I said about the Gamestop lawsuit over on Lusipurr.com, I could understand the logic behind it if there wasn’t any notice on the box of the lack of additional content, but if Lane is to be believed (and as far as I know, he’s for no reason to lie to me), there’s a sticker right there on the game case. *facepalm*.

  5. Riddles says:

    Sorry, Noob; link was broken. Check out this story here: http://www.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3178539

    Sounds like Heavenly Sword may have broken even for Sony, but no one else.

    It’s worth noting that Enslaved is being published by Bandai-Namco.

  6. SiliconNooB says:

    What did they spend all their development money on? Cocaine and hooker parties? Again, their management must be pretty poor if 1.4 million copies isn’t enough to break even. A majority of current gen titles still don’t hit that figure, and frankly it would be pretty boneheaded to even assume that you’re going to get 1000,000 copies sold, let alone more. When’s the last time you saw a JRPG even break the 500,000 mark? So why can all these other devs make the maths work, but Ninja Theory needs to sell more than 1.4 million copies of their 7 hour hack and slash in order to break even? Damn hooker parties.

  7. Riddles says:

    Indeed. Those goddamned hooker parties.

  8. SiliconNooB says:

    … Their response just seems kind of like giving someone a really sweet present, only to have them act like it’s all shitty because you got it in the wrong colour. I mean seriously, how many devs would be upset at having thier BRAND NEW IP sell 1.4 million copies. I hope their next game sells half that … or less.

  9. Riddles says:

    Heavenly Sword was an expensive game. Sony put a lot of resources and advertising behind it; they probably expected to sell far more.

    I never played the actual game myself, so maybe I’m not the most qualified to speak. But from what I can see, a lot of unfair expectations were placed on it. The game was frequently billed as a challenger to God of War, which it just… wasn’t.

    Still, I agree that selling 1.5 million copies – especially as a PS3 exclusive, given the time it was released – is quite a feat. And yes, it does seem odd that Ninja Theory couldn’t break even with said sales.

  10. SiliconNooB says:

    I don’t see what was so expensive about it, it was an unambitious and constricted seven hour game …

  11. DarthGibblet says:

    @Riddles: It really does beg the question of how many copies they were planning on selling to break even.

    @SN: HAIR PHYSICS! That shit ain’t cheap!

  12. SiliconNooB says:

    LOL, yeah, one SPU per strand!

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