Sunday Soapbox: Why Ethos Sucks

Me trying to kill Ethos.

Me trying to kill Ethos.

I’m sorry to subject you to what may seem like more filler material, but this is a truth the world must be informed of.

Okay, so I might have dropped the ball during God of War III Week. I can admit to it. But seeing that I was in the process of losing my job that week (don’t ask) I think I have something of an excuse, don’t you?

Apparently that’s not good enough for Ethos, inconsiderate fuck that he is. It’s evidenced by last Sunday’s Soapbox, which, if you recall, did little more than malign me. Wrongfully. So, in a form of brutal retaliation, I’m doing the same thing to him.

Ha ha! Ha! HA!

Seriously, though, the dude’s the worst. Everything he touches turns to shit. I fucked up God of War III Week, so to punish me he “took control” this week.

The week’s practically over, and what did we get from him? His standby Scatter Storming (really hardly relevant to the gamers of today, imo) and some PokeParty bullshit that nobody cares about. Seriously, am I supposed to give two fucks what little shits he chooses for his pet collection? No. No, I am not supposed to, and I won’t. Because Pokemon is dumb.

On the flip side, in the last seven days, I’ve brought you no less than two HLLs, and three reviews. And a Penny Arcade strip. And… something else, probably. But anyway, three reviews. I’d like to see Ethan match that in the span of three months.

Oh, and remember the little hissy he threw over the my God of War III review? Just because it was better than his? Gee, Ethos, I’m sorry you deleted half of your original review and then threw it back together last-minute. I really am. But don’t get mad at me for writing a fair, balanced, and well-structured review of one of 2010’s biggest games.

Oh, and while he may CLAIM to have finished Final Fantasy XIII, I won’t believe it until I see a review. And that won’t happen, because when it comes down to it, he’s the lazy fuck around here – not me.

So, there’s the Soapbox. Just as he promised. Hope you all enjoyed it! And I hope you enjoy this. Click on it for the hi-res version. Print multiple copies and post them in random places around your office. Hand them out to friends and family. Or, simply set it as your computer’s wallpaper, so that you never forget.


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8 Responses to “Sunday Soapbox: Why Ethos Sucks”

  1. SiliconNooB says:

    HAHAHA, I can see this will be the Riddlethos frosty relations week! :D

  2. Ethos says:

    It might end up being that way, if this is how he wants to kick things off.

  3. Riddles says:

    Does the picture I added make things any better? Ba-hahaha!

  4. SiliconNooB says:

    My … this has taken a turn for the unsavoury …

  5. Ethos says:

    And who just posted the review, Riddles? Thank you very much.

  6. DarthGibblet says:

    Man, I go to work in the morning and everything gets all hostile here!

    @Riddles: Ethos is adorable in that picture with Link. Can you really stay mad at that face?

  7. ConstipatedCow says:

    …AND he gives bad blowjobs

  8. DarthGibblet says:

    …AND they’re way overpriced.

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