Tingle! Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah! #013 – It’s My Birthday, Bitches!

Well folks, it is now officially my birthday. And so far, my wonderful and beautiful girlfriend has wished me happy birthday, and so has Nate Liles.

THAT’S IT! Nope, Riddles texted about something completely different then made a silly claim about “time zones”, and Constipated Cow called to say “oh fuck, did I miss your birthday? It was the other day, right? I’m a bad friend”. Damn straight you’re a bad friend! I know your birthday is May 15, and that’s without consulting Facebook. Idiot.

I’m actually horrible with birthdays, so I shouldn’t talk. I’ve forgotten my mother’s birthday on 3 of the past 4 years. Still, on this joyous occasion I will still bring you all belated news. I went to Microsoft’s X10 event today, and although a bunch of great games were playable, I spent 2 hours in 8 different interviews instead. Oh well, at least it was an open bar. The point is that I’m tired, so let’s talk about semi-new Gamescom news!

There’s a lot, so just find the headlines or pictures you like, and pick and choose your stories if you’re in a tl;dr mood, I won’t get offended.

No longer just a mock-up

The Normandy Lands on a New Space (Play)Station

This is the oldest news, but still some of the biggest. Ray Muzyka, the CEO of Bioware, made the announcement on Tuesday that Mass Effect 2 would be coming to PS3 with “hours of bonus content”. The port is planned to be released in January 2011 with “no plans” to bring the original over as well. In fact, Microsoft made sure to pee all over this announcement to mark their territory on the franchise. Here is a statement they gave to IGN.

With both Mass Effect titles launching first on Xbox 360 combined with the wealth of available paid downloadable content on Xbox Live today, Xbox 360 remains the best place to experience the Mass Effect franchise…and the original Mass Effect is absolutely an Xbox 360 exclusive, making Xbox 360 the only place to get the full Mass Effect experience

You can feel the panic in their text. Still, I have no interest in replaying the series on another console unless I get to play through all of my choices, so they have a point. And seeing how Microsoft published the original game, it will be a while – if ever – before it sees the light of day on another console. (IGN)

Microsoft’s Copout Handheld System

Microsoft is trying really hard to fight off Apple. Windows 7 is their obvious attempt to combat (see: emulate) Mac OS, and their Windows Phone 7 is their newest attempt at an iPhone killer. Not just as a powerful smartphone, but apparently as a gaming platform like the iPhone has become. In fact, Kevin Unangst – some exec at Microsoft – even went as far to say the following,

We’re looking at this like: Call it like a console launch. It’s really like our portable console launch in that there’s a constant hardware set, we’re specifically choosing the content we want, and it’s about bringing all of those service features over.

Sure, the hardware is made by a third party, but why not try to throw it into the portable console race as well? To their credit, the phone is shaping up to pretty slick and pretty powerful with a lot of thought going into the gaming side of things. I won’t have any real interest, however, until I hear about things more interesting than Peggle. Because I can get Peggle on PSN, thank you. Not that Peggle has been announced, it was just an example. (IGN)

Everything Cole is New Again

I truly outdo myself. What a great headline.

But onto the story, I haven’t seen a backtrack this quick since Sony’s doomed boomerang controller. Anybody remember that thing? Was I the only fan? Anyhoo, while people were hyped for all the new Infamous 2 stuff, the new design and voice of Cole made it a bittersweet unveiling. While the voice appears to be unchanged, Cole’s newest design – while still different – is far more akin to the original. Which do you prefer?

Old New Cole:

New Old Cole:

I have to say that the New Old Cole does seem less douchey, what with the lack of necklaces. Although as much as I loved Infamous, it wasn’t for the story and characters, sorry. (IGN)

Resistance 3?!?! What a Surprise!!!

That’s the whole story, really. It’s finally been officially confirmed beyond that movie set still grabbed in October 2009. I liked the original a lot more than the sequel, but I’m willing to give this third installment a chance. That is, of course, after we get some more details. We currently have none. Maybe this should belong in the “quickie” section, but that’s swiftly becoming the “impressions and not actually news” section. (IGN)

HD soon!

No More Wii Exclusive

I never played either No More Heroes games for the Wii although they seem to have a cult following. But it looks like now I’ll have a chance to try it the series on a real system. A HD remake of the original title that will be released as “No More Heroes: Heroes’ Paradise”, was announced today during a Konami press conference at Gamescom. No release date was mentioned beyond 2011, but more importantly it was confirmed that the game can be played with traditional controls despite supporting Playstation Move. (IGN)

Portal 2 in February 2011

Hey, not all my headlines have to be clever. Valve confirmed that Portal 2 – the full follow-up to the unexpected and superb mini-title – will be released on February 9th for PS3, 360, and PC. No timed exclusives. Simple and beautiful news.

As a little piece of supplementary news, Game Informer tells us that Stephen Merchant will voice the character of Wheatley, who is apparently a British robot. I haven’t been following the game as to not spoil too much. Anyhoo, you might know Stephen Merchant from the British version of The Office, or – as I know him – The Ricky Gervais show. (IGN)

QUICKIES/PREVIEWS:

Mortal Kombat First Look- Damn it! This is a game I could have played today, but didn’t have time to. It sounds like it’ll be the first good Mortal Kombat game in a very long time.

Killzone 3 Multiplayer- If you care. He also goes into the Move controls a little bit at the bottom. He’s diplomatic, but he you can tell he didn’t really care for them.

Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One- Enh, I just got into this franchise! I don’t want something this drastically new, more of the same please! The editor is optimistic, but I’m apathetic.

More Zelda Impressions- I’m sorry, but talk of the game occasionally misreading movements and a 95% accuracy rate being presented as a positive thing doesn’t get me excited for the game. But I expected this.

WHAT A BEAST!!! I’m done. It’s my birthday.

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10 Responses to “Tingle! Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah! #013 – It’s My Birthday, Bitches!”

  1. Andogo says:

    Old new Cole was all very Shane West, but I think they’ve gone way too far in their attempt to reduce the size of his face. They’ve zoomed right past Jason Statham and have ended up somewhere in the region of Chester from Linkin Park. I thought this guy was supposed to be vaguely intimidating. Now he just looks like he’s on a never-ending quest to find a non-expired box of ExLax in post-apocalyptic Nyawlins.

    Also, this:
    http://www.joystiq.com/2010/08/19/sorcery-trailer-casts-a-spell-on-our-dignity/

  2. SiliconNooB says:

    -Resistance is a good idea that has never been executed to its potential. They need to hire better writers and apply a little more polish and environmental detail if they want to stand with the big boys of the genre. Also, I vastly preferred England to America as a setting.

    -Thank goodness that Cole looks less like a hipster, rave douche. Also, I appreciated the pun.

    -I’ll be glad if the iPhone gets a competitor, though I don’t know if M$ is necessarily the company to do it.

    -Luis Vasquez is proof that Mass Effect should have remained an Xbox exclusive.

    -I thought Wii Motion Plus was supposed to solve Wiimote inaccuracy?

  3. Andogo says:

    http://www.andriasang.com/e/blog/2010/08/19/first_look_catherine/

    From the makers of Persona… Catherine is about a 32-year-old salaryman who has no ambitions in love or life (he’s described as a “herbivore” by the Famitsu article) who hooks up with a a 22-year-old buxom (Famitsu: well-proportioned) hottie named Catherine. He also gets this recurring nightmare where he’s in his underwear and there’s this demon sheep who tells him he’s a “lamb” and he and the other lambs will probably die soon. The reason: giant hands are coming to capture them.

    This video will probably be involved:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpDMYc0-2qs

    Oh actually, there’s a translation too of the original Famitsu article on the Andriasang site
    http://www.andriasang.com/e/blog/2010/08/19/catherine_preview/

    What’s probably the most intriguing thing about all of this is that there’s not a single mention of an emo teenager anywhere in the game. Or of any possible combat mechanic. It might be exactly what it looks like: a platformer where you’re a dude in his underwear slowly transforming into a fluffy white sheep in pursuit of his girl. Like Shadow of the Colossus, but … different in all the wrong ways.

  4. Ethos says:

    @Andogo – I never know anything that you’re saying and I love it. We need an “Andogo’s Nonsense” column.

    @SN – I agree with you entirely about Resistance.

    -Thanks! I was obviously very proud of it. I was never outraged at the new Cole, but I am relieved that he’s closer to normal again.

    -Yeah, I’m sceptical too, but I think the Windows Phone 7 is shaping up to be decent. Could obviously go either way.

    -Nah, Wii Motion Plus makes it more sensitive to more subtle movements, and does increase the accuracy…but to 95%.

  5. DarthGibblet says:

    @Andogo: I just herd about Catherine earlier today, and it’s easily the game I’m most excited about in the foreseeable future. Also, it explains the mystery guy hanging out in the bar in P3P :D.

  6. SiliconNooB says:

    Catherine looks AMAZING! I can’t wait!

  7. DarthGibblet says:

    And apparently it’s supposed to launch in Japan this winter! Gotta love that as opposed to the 87-year hype cycle most big games have had recently.

  8. Andogo says:

    I just herd about Catherine earlier today,
    I’m sorry Ethan, but DG takes the pun trophy, and I’m not sure it was even intentional.

  9. Andogo says:

    And then there was this:
    http://kotaku.com/5617465/nsfw-catherine-gets-debut-trailer

    The animation sequences bear some resemblance to Paprika, which also had to do with dreams and death and lonely people and a singular buxom babe. Maybe it’s a Japanese thing? Definitely fewer sheep in that movie though.

    So yeah, I take that back about the emo teenagers. The man and the other lambs look like they’re just grown up emo teenagers who’ve settled into sheephood. All very complacent 9-5, all-bowing, all-apologizing, non-predatory grazing domestics. Yum.

  10. SiliconNooB says:

    HAHA, nice one DG!

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