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by Ethos

Best Riddlethos of 2010/2011 – Best of Lord Riddles

Monday, August 20th, 2012

And here we are! It’s 4:14 p.m. here in Toronto, CA (that’s Canada, not California) and I’ve finally completed my carefully-sifted list of the 10 best Riddles posts from 2010.

Except that it’s the 15 best. And posts from 2011 also count.

You see, although I wrote nearly double the posts he did during Riddlethos’ lifespan, it’s an undeniable fact that Riddles wrote twice as many posts of substance during that time. Also, this is really, REALLY late so I’m giving my buddy a little extra love.

Because I love him.

Pensive Riddles

A sincerely lovely picture of Oliver Motok

Bayonetta Review – Move Over, Dante

I already praised Riddles’ work on Bayonetta Faceoff Week, but the review of the titular game deserves a special nod.

During the days when Riddlethos was still living and breathing, Riddles was a more finely-tuned writer than I was. This review is concise, playful, well-structured, yet decisive and informative. Something I couldn’t pull off with nearly the same consistency.

Riddles’ JRPG Relapse

I’m not even going to apologize for using a tag with multiple posts in a single award anymore. We’ve all done it (meaning Riddles and I). It’s just a thing now.

Riddles’ relapse is sharp stuff as usual. But Riddles has fallen farther from JRPGs than I have, so it made his relapse opinions even more valuable and objective in my opinion. I’m more prone to being defensive about archaic mechanics that I still enjoy, whereas Riddles has the ability to separate himself for the sake of analysis. Except FF8. He’s wrong about that game.

This series also got the nod for his hilarious bit about Mitsuru and his recurring defensive bursts about not replaying games as often as most.

Hey, Wait a Minute…

This is basically identical to one of last year’s winners. Normally that wouldn’t be enough to make it, but this one does a hilarious one-up via the tags. I mean, it’s already funny that he gets to tag it with “Ethos is a lazy fuck” and “BAHA PAYBACK”, but the cherry on top is the “I’m not even going to tell them that your internet is dead” tag. I mean, he vindicates me in the same device that he uses to taunt me with. But it still works and even makes it extra hilarious.

flOw Is Free for Today

I point to a lot of Riddles’ serious work in today’s awards, so I don’t feel bad about also linking to short posts like the last one and like this one. I don’t even want to ruin it by summing it up. I’ll just say that nobody else presented gaming news like this and that’s why I tell myself that Riddlethos was important.

Farm Boy Montok

Farm Boy Montok without the obnoxious MS Paintjob

Sunday Soapbox: BioShock and the Death of the Cutscene

Speaking of serious work…

The Sunday Soapbox was Riddles’ idea and it shows. The reason the joke was that Riddles was the one who tried to maintain some semblance of editorial integrity is because he simply had more valuable things to say about gaming than I did. It’s not something I really realized then, but it’s certainly true. Just read his on-point deconstruction on the cutscene and why his precious Bioshock revolutionized it. He almost convinces me. That’s how good he is.

Save Data Should Never Be Locked (#Heavy Rain)

This is casually one of Riddles’ more amusing pieces.

Riddles can definitely be funny when he tries, but this one is funny and effortless at the same time. His encounter at the Gamestop, his quick assimilation into a Torontonian lifestyle, the always-present bitter undertones. Where else on the internet will you find something so related to gaming, so well-written, but also so pointless? This article is quietly one of the reasons why Riddlethos was so great.

Sunday Soapbox: Where does Final Fantasy XIII fit now?

This is nominated because of its achievement, really. As I mentioned, the Sunday Soapbox feature was Riddles’ idea and I’m fairly certain the concept for this particular editorial was his as well.

While it took until my review to be more even-handed with Final Fantasy XIII, Riddles was far more fair off the top. He never beat it, so he never got to see the game at its best, but in his defense, why should he have to beat a game for it to get good? With the exception of Bioshock 2, Riddles is far more even-handed out of the gate when compared to me and I think it’s his half of the article that made it one of the more commented on stories in Riddlethos history.

Blue Dragon Plus “Review” – Give Up Already

In a post that has so many levels of weird and inside-jokes, Riddles paraphrased an old RPGamer review I did of Blue Dragon Plus. Its existence is hard to justify, but damn if it isn’t hilarious. Seriously, I think Riddles’ next website should just be a “I’ll paraphrase your reviews and make them way more concise and entertaining” website.

This was extra funny for me at the time because I didn’t expect it, but I laughed just as hard when I re-discovered it for my research for these awards, so I knew it had a place.

Sunday Soapbox: Everyone’s Fantasy

Usually I’m the one to wax nostalgic and bring a positive whimsical finish to a gimmicky week, so it’s way more special when Riddles does it. That is evidenced by the great response in the comments and – of course – the sincere post itself.

(Funny to note that I consider this positive and whimsical when the article ends on such a negative note. But hey, that’s Riddles. Just one of the many reasons why we love him).

GokuRiddles

A totally real unaltered picture of Riddles.

Sunday Soapbox: Why Nocturne is Better Than Final Fantasy XIII

You might be noticing a trend now. A lot of Sunday Soapboxes have made the cut and now a number of Final Fantasy posts. That’s because those two elements combine for a very powerful Riddles potion.

See, Riddles is a great games journalist. Also, Riddles is very good with bitterness. The Sunday Soapbox was all about good editorialized game journalism. And Riddles hated Final Fantasy XIII. While a later post sums up the latter fact in a far more hilarious way, this one is like the Bioshock cutscene article in that the man just makes a lot of goddamn sense.

Alan Wake Review – Fear The Dark

It’s a little strange, but I was very caught up in the Alan Wake hype. It’s not really my genre, but I was into it and so I read a lot about it, listened to podcasts about it as well as buying and playing the game myself.

Therefore it has some weight when I say that I think Riddles’ review of the game is the most even-handed piece on the title I’ve read. It details everything that’s good and bad about the game, it details why and it references these things within the context of the genre. This review isn’t life-changing, but it is a good example of Riddles’ excellent work that I keep talking about.

Riddles’ Handheld Journey

One of the benefits to doing this Best of Lord Riddles stuff so late (besides being able to ostensibly present it as a “Birthday Gift”) is that I get to award Riddles stuff during the “unawarded era”: The time between the Best Riddlethos of 2010 Week and the site’s perma-coma. Good thing too, because Riddles’ Handheld Journey is a treat.

2010 was actually an outstanding example of Riddles as not only a great games journalist, but a great writer in general. Therefore it’s nice to shine a light on the return to posts that erred on the side of personal for him, especially during the first piece. I nodded to this week as one of 2010/2011’s best, and Riddles’ Handheld Journey was obviously a large part of that. I mean, the guy somehow made his 3-part article into a 4-part article! He obviously gave a crap.

Concerning Dragon Age II and Not Playing as a Female

Riddlethos went out with more of a fizzle than a bang, but one of Riddles’ last posts of substance was one in which he started by taunting our readers. Riddlethos had ups and downs, but it was certainly consistent in its tone.

Anyway, the opening paragraph is hilarious, and Riddles talks about something that we rarely explicitly tackled on the site: playing as a female character. It’s a casual romp through a light-hearted and funny explanation, but it’s insightful as well. One of Riddles’ last was also one of his best.

Biggest Letdown 2010 – Riddles

Alright, that last one had funny moments, but it’s time to give another one out for comedy content alone.

It might be weird to have one of the Best Riddles Awards go to one of Riddles’ Best Games Award posts, but man it’s worth it. Having let the wound of Final Fantasy XIII fester, Riddles lets loose on the title in his award for Biggest Letdown. Whether or not the time apart made him overly bitter or made him see more clearly is irrelevant. This is Riddles roasting at his best.

Sunday Soapbox: Riddles’ Visit to Toronto

I’m too much of a narcissist to not use this. And to not use it as the final Best of Lord Riddles award.

In this Soapbox, he talked about how awesome I am and how awesome my city is. Still, reading this just makes me realize how little of Toronto he really saw. That was the baby tour. Either way it’s cute to go on this wide-eyed journey with Curious Riddles. And it makes me realize just how desperately Toronto misses him. I might miss him too.

Well folks! I hope you enjoyed this time capsule of sorts. Riddlethos is certainly in a coma that the doctors are suggesting might be life-long, but if treasures like this pop up from the past every year or so, it’s worth it to keep the poor sucker alive on the machine.

Happy birthday, Riddles!

Riddlethos

Best Riddlethos of 2010/2011 – Most Embarrassing for Riddles

Sunday, August 19th, 2012

This one is self explanatory. Let’s just dive in shall we?

Young Riddles

Finally an apt place to use this image.

In which Riddles wants to move to LA to play a demo of Final Fantasy XIII -

LOLLE

In which the “Riddles is a lazy fuck” tag has 15 entries -

It’s true. The “Riddles sucks” tag is pretty close to that too.

In which Riddles hilariously overrates a mediocre game -

I didn’t even read this review to give this an award here. If you think that’s unwarranted, just listen to this. He gave Bioshock 2 an 8.5. I never let him live it down. For a reason. The reason is that HE GAVE BIOSHOCK 2 AN 8.5!!

In which Ethos is embarrassed first -

This is a strange entry here because it seems like I’M the one getting embarrassed. And I am. Riddles posted the actual e-mail that I sent him verbatim, even using my e-mail subject line as the post title. But then the comments happen. And I am vindicated.

In which Riddles is swindled -

Umwat? What is this magazine peddling thing? I don’t remember this, but it’s definitely embarrassing for Riddles. Oh, and the comments are outstanding.

In which my collection of Riddles’ personal belongings grows -

Check the comments here. Riddles didn’t comment often, so when he did he was either really worked up or really embarrassed.

In which Riddles finally fails at Photoshop -

I FINALLY had a bad banner to hang over Riddles’ head and boy did I milk it. The comments are a good read.

In which Riddles admits to things we all suspected -

Gaming Confessions Week was a good idea. Not really enough to make it a “best of” Week, but a solid idea nonetheless. I thought I’d be the only one contributing, but Riddles crammed a bunch into this post. It’s rare for him – and therefore brave – but these were meant to be embarrassing, so it certainly qualifies for that too.

That’s it until the long-awaited Best of Lord Riddles post tomorrow!

Best Riddlethos of 2010/2011 – Notable Quotes From Riddles

Sunday, August 19th, 2012

In reading over 50 GODDAMN PAGES OF RIDDLETHOS in preparation for these make-up awards, I came across some articles that weren’t quite good enough for a “best of” but included a quote good enough that it couldn’t go ignored. Therefore I created this new category.

Riddles

This is also one of Riddles' greatest quotes

Enjoy these incredible Riddlesisms. These Vintage Montoks. These Classic Olivers. These Top-O’-Da-Line Murfreesboronian Menaces.

…in no particular order

In which Riddles is an amazing salesman -
From “Hey! Look! Listen! 38” during What’s Worse Than February? Week

Hey! Look! Listen! was always known for its self-deprecating openings, but this one outdid all of them. I honestly can’t tell if this introductory paragraph turned away or sold more people on the column.

What’s worse than February?

This recurring “news” column, that’s what. This barely informative, self-gratifying, irregularly updated EXCUSE for videogame journalism.

I feel sorry for anyone who’s about to read it, frankly. But hey, everyone’s gotta bite the bullet and eat a shit sandwich at some point in their lives. For the lot of you, that day is today.

So let’s get this over with.

Just. Amazing. Sometimes Riddles would apologize for berating the readers, or he would try to justify his bitterness somehow. Nope, not this time. He just lets all the readers know – before they start reading – that the article is going to be all sorts of horrible and he writes it such that it assumes that the reader has no choice but to continue. Outstanding.

In which Riddles counters with pride -
From “Hey! Look! Listen! 38” during What’s Worse Than February? Week

Later on in the same HLL, Riddles offers this.

This thing went up a bit later than I anticipated. But hey, at least I did it, right? If nothing else, it means you don’t have to suffer another one of Ethos’ pathetic attempts to match my news-condensing prose.

While Riddles took many jabs at me, this was a rare glimpse at his genuine pride for HLL. Somehow in the same article as that opening paragraph too.

In which Riddles is on a roll -
From “oh, god…” during What’s Worse Than February? Week

I suppose it should be no surprise that Riddles was at his bitter best during a month he hates during a theme week made to celebrate that fact. Either way, this is gold.

I bought Valentine’s Day gifts for a girl once. She broke up with me four days later.

Straight to the point AND depressing.

In which Riddles is defensive -
From “So… Where are the JRPGs?” during JRPG Relapse Week

Riddles is wrong about Final Fantasy VIII, but I’m still glad he likes it. If only because of quotes like this.

Final Fantasy VIII – PSX (Blow it out your ass, haters)

In which Riddles is a badass -
From “Welcome to… This Week!” during This Week Is Copy Protected

Some (read: most) of these quotes have also been half-laughing at Riddles, but this quote is not one of those quotes.

In honor of Ubisoft’s stellar efforts to further the cause of big, money-grubbing companies that criminalize their customers, and of draconian DRM measures that will serve only to increase piracy, This Week is Copy Protected.

It was a gimmicky Theme Week, but it was worth it for that awesome intro. Riddles (sometimes) don’t take no guff.

In which Riddles inadvertently deconstructs his own character -
From “Initial Impressions: Final Fantasy XIII” during Final Fantasy XIII Week

Lightning is overly bitter at times, but she’s interesting and strangely likeable in spite of that.

I honestly don’t think he recognized the irony.

In which Riddles perfects the self-deprecating metaphor -
From “Oh, Well… This is Embarrassing…” during God of War III Week

Nobody does concise depression like Riddles.

I mean, we started out pretty well – with a review of the game and all. And then… nothing. The failboat weighed anchor, and went boldly sailing down River Riddlethos.

He goes on to call that metaphor weak, but my laughter begs to differ.

In which Riddles returns from a month-long hiatus -
From “I’m Back. Bitches.” during Dragon Quest IX Week

This is how Riddles marked his return from his month-long absence…

Yeah. That’s right. You thought, hoped, even prayed that you were rid of me. But whatever deity you place your faith in wasn’t listening, you poor unfortunate fucks; here I am,

…By insulting your God and calling you all fucks. Amazing.

In which Riddles reveals his true weakness -
From “12/22/2010 – At Least the Prince Still Loves Me” during Fuck You Again, It’s Christmas Break Week

After his hiatus, Riddles mostly took to writing great HLLs, lengthy TV retrospectives, and thoughtful game reviews. Good stuff, to be sure, but it took a bit for his true Riddlethos personality to show up in the form of timeless Riddles Quotes.

Guh. Take my heart and rip it to shreds, but don’t take my videogames.

Preach it, Riddles. The full piece is worth the read, too.

In which Riddles gets in a final jab -
From “3/25/2011 – Rinse and Repeat” during Dragon Age II Week

One of the lines in his last proper post is Riddles chiming in in parenthesis to make fun of HIMSELF.

After I finish the game, I’ll likely give it a proper review for my site. (Like you did for Dead Space 2? Oh snap!)”

Apt.

Honourary Mention – The best Riddles quote of all time -

I’m not going to quote it here, and technically this is from 2009 and already has an award and really shouldn’t qualify but I don’t care. Go to the article and read it yourself. It’s the picture caption. Slays me every time.

Best Riddlethos of 2010/2011 – Theme Weeks

Saturday, August 18th, 2012

Here we go! More Best Riddlethos of 2010 Awards! Right on time!

Wait, what?

It’s 2012? Twenty-mother-fucking-twelve?

Well shit.

Riddles and I

Riddles (left) and Ethos (right) return from the dead to give out awards!

The important thing is that it’s 2 days before the beautiful and brooding Oliver “Riddles” Motok’s birthday. Therefore I am going to post some long-overdue awards leading up to the Best of Lord Riddles on the man’s birthday.

Today: Best Theme Weeks

Tomorrow August 19th (my birthday): Most Embarrassing for Riddles and Most Notable Quotes From Riddles

August 20th: Best of Lord Riddles

I TOLD you that you’d get it, you crazy-ass mother fucker.

Anyway, with more than twice as many weeks to choose from means that I chose 10 weeks instead of 5. Also, these are in chronological order, not “best of” order. Screw off.
(Click on the big teal words to go to that week. I link to the earlier page when applicable, because it’s better to read from the start.)

Bayonetta Faceoff Week

2010 started off with a bang, and wouldn’t you know it, it was mostly Riddles’ doing. The man came up with the concept, put in the legwork, and then actually wrote up the necessary articles. I admit, I didn’t expect him to do it.

Not only did he do it, but he did it with style. There were no corners cut and Riddles delivered interesting comparative content in a relevant time under an interesting premise. Oh yeah, there’s a full-fledged review in there too. Kudos.

Also, I talked about Darksiders.

JRPG Relapse Week

On a Riddlethos roll, JRPG Relapse Week had lots of thoughtful, amusing content. The site seemed to do the best when Riddles and I learned to strike a balance between insightful and personal with just the right dose of silly. JRPG Relapse Week did just that.

It was a weak start, but somehow Riddles and I pulled it together to deliver four pieces each, all of them supported by healthy play sessions with the games we were writing about.

Ethos and Riddles postop

Ethos and Riddles After the Operation

Final Fantasy XIII Week

The profound effect that the Final Fantasy series has had on both Riddles and I is very evident and the buzz around Final Fantasy XIII translated into a great week. Good impressions, a good editorial, the birth of IMpressions.

Not only that, but it was topped by one of my better reviews, if I do say so myself. Count in a lot of reader participation and this was a very successful week.

Ethos Presents: Pokémon Silver Madness Extraordinaire Week

This week marks the start of something of a Riddlethos Renaissance. Riddles and I constantly tortured ourselves over 2010 being a weaker year, but despite some dips in content, I would actually argue that it was unwarranted criticism. Our writing improved, our features and graphics improved, and we really got the hang of what worked for us.

My insane banner and constant PokéParty updates, Riddles review of two Blue Dragon games and also his God of War III review which publicly showcased one of the very rare times I got legitimately angry at Riddles made for a great week at our now defunct site. Also, that little God of War III spat ended up being a convenient springboard for our Fools in April Week…

Fools in April Week

This is now a legend in Riddlethos history. We knocked each other down, Riddles stole my 25th Scatter Storming, defamatory memes were created, there were pictures of dicks, there was an obituary, and I think I turned into a zombie at some point. Go revisit this gem of a week (which was, I should mention, Riddles’ idea).

The Final Fantasy Week

This is further proof that we worked in bursts at Riddlethos. Aprils Fools was a massive success and we just streamrolled into another great week, earning the third week in a row that I’m awarding a “Best Of”.

Sure, it was just an excuse to give out more awards and shove our fanboy opinions into the internet’s face, but it caused great debate and great content. And it happened in the face of technical issues as well.

Best of friends

Riddles (right) and Ethos (left) participate in their hourly hug

Spring Awakening Week

We kept returning to these non-weeks with ridiculous lists for a reason. They worked. Of course I wrote a list about cheery fun games while Riddles decided Spring would be best celebrated by listing his favourite depressing games. Oh, and posting pictures of springscapes. I may understand him more than most, but I still don’t get that guy.

Anyway, this happened only two weeks after The Final Fantasy Week. I’m telling you, this was the Riddlethos Renaissance.

Sexy Summer Week

It’s official. Seasonal weeks were the best weeks at Riddlethos.

After a dry spell, a Riddles hiatus and then a decent return for Riddles in Dragon Quest IX week, we turned up the heat with this ridiculous idea. Riddles and I shared countdown lists for both the sexiest men and women in gaming. The results are hilarious. Especially when it comes to vetos. Also, Riddles questioned his sexuality, I did nothing to downplay my flamboyant reputation, and …Joseph Gordon-Levitt made an appearance?

Waggle Week

It took a while for Riddlethos to get another theme week good enough to get one of these arbitrary awards. There was good content to be sure, particularly the addition of Lameish’s great videos, but it was never bunched together in a truly great cohesive manner again until Waggle Week.

We had articles detailing the then past, present, and future of motion controls. The articles were split up equally between Riddles and I and then we were all treated to a Sunday Soapbox from Lameish. Good analytical stuff and a healthy dose of making fun of me.

Handheld Gaming Week

This was sort of the swan song for Riddlethos, and the only week from 2011 to make the cut.

Like Waggle Week, Handheld Gaming Week looked at the past, present and future of handheld devices. But instead of choosing to look at it from an analytical all-encompassing industry angle, we went personal with it. It showed that Riddles and I still had a lot to reveal about our gaming habits and history. The week wasn’t really planned, but it ended up working better than anybody expected. The revisit is worth it for the resurgence into the Riddlethos of old soon before it fell into a deep slumber.

Kids, have a seat. We have to have a talk.

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

You might be wondering why videogames and I have been sleeping in separate beds these last few weeks. You see, Videogames and I, well, we haven’t been making each other very happy lately and sometimes when grown-ups don’t make each other happy, they have to spend some time apart. Now, you’re going to hear an awful lot of awful things like “Daddy’s been spending all his time with that juggy mistress of his; the one that keeps him in the basement until all hours of the morning recording a six song EP with his friendly gang of un-likely troubadours. He comes home with whiskey on his breath and malice in his heart,” and I just want you to know, it’s not your fault.

With what little time I’ve managed to scrape together, I’ve found comfort in the wide and welcoming arms of a little browser-based game called Echo Bazaar. My career’s experience with the genre has failed to hold my attention, but this unique little game has turned the tide. It drops you in an oddly titillating subterranean setting that has consistently had me thumbing the worn edges of my credit card, considering spending ten of my hard-earned dollars for ten more Actions/Day. “Fallen London” is a semi-steam punk, Dickensian, film-noir flavoured metropolis full of imaginative oddities and beguiling narratives. After character creation, you escape from prison by utilizing one of four unconventional RPG stats: Dangerous, Persuasive, Watchful, and Shadowy.  Your stats increase with use, the higher the stat the more challenges are available to you and the more likely you are to succeed at them. Regardless of their outcome, every course of action is rewarded with a sumptuous ration of literary swagger, where in the bulk of the game’s merit lies. Their words are a torrent of sinful drink, flowing o’er the palette’s edge, staining the weave of your crisp, new, camel coloured topcoat. The Escapist gave it their “coveted” albeit verbose Best-Browser-Based-Game-of-the-Year-Award, but mind you its not for the unimaginative given that the game is 90% text based, but if your brain has yet to degenerate in to grey, milk-flavoured mush, check it out.

A group of us sat huddled round the initially innocuous glow of my roommates monolithic, billion-inch TV with the lights off and watched as Amnesia: The Dark Descent made children of us all. If you haven’t heard of it, Frictional Games has put the “survival” back in survival horror. Armed with little more than an oil lamp and your own fleeting grip on reality, you must descend in to the acrid bowels of a labyrinthine medieval mansion as Daniel, a man suffering from self-induced “Amnesia” (Hey…) in order to find and kill a man named Alexander, as you have instructed yourself to do in a letter written by your pre-amnesiac self. The plot is revealed bit by bit, in notes and letters found throughout the castle as you play through something resembling the horrific love child of Myst and Silent Hill 2, but don’t come looking for nurse-crunching violence. You’re told early on that you have no chance of defeating the living nightmare that is constantly pursuing you and flight is the only option. Torches must be lit and Daniel must remain in light lest his sanity meter plummet, causing you to collapse to the cold stone floor, sucking your thumb in a puddle of your own lukewarm urine. Had I seen it before the Riddlethos Awards week, I’d have quickly crowned it the Most-Atmospheric without a second thought.

Hopefully I’ll learn to manage my creative output a little better after my run-in with the Tyrannical Time-Hitler that has been these last few weeks. Should anyone be interested, this is the reason you haven’t heard from me in a while. That will change.

Best Riddlethos of 2010 – Best of King Ethos

Saturday, January 22nd, 2011

And here we are! It’s 12:53 a.m. here in Murfreesboro, TN and I’ve finally completed my carefully-sifted list of the 10 best Ethos posts from 2010.

Originally, I just wrote down the different sections in no particular order, with the intent to assemble them in order afterwards.

But, after writing this all down, I can’t actually decide which is my favorite. Also, I like the way it currently flows, and I don’t really want to fuck with that. So, instead of trying to assign random ranks: here’s my ten favorite Ethos posts of 2010, in no particular order!

Ethos when he was young and (even more) naive.

Life at the Dawn of the Waggle: The Embarrassing Optimisim

Ah. I love this one.

As you all well know, Ethan isn’t one for admitting he’s wrong. Even when he knows it. And, knowing that fact makes this particular article a delicious read, because it’s borderline purgatory on his part. Purgatory for having his head in Nintendo’s carefully crafted clouds of bullshit for so many years. Finally, for the sake of himself and all others who might follow in his path, Ethos throws in the towel and officially renounces Nintendo and their travesty of a game system. If that’s not humbling enough, he even goes so far as to include several, highly embarrassing quotes from his younger, more naive days of full-blooded Nintendo fanboyism.

It’s weird to think he was there at one point. And that I was friends with him in spite. Oh well, I’d like to think I’m at least partially responsible for all the progress he’s made in that area.

Anyway, comedy aside, the article is an interesting analysis of the optimism that Ethan and many other gamers at the time held for the Wii before its launch. I’ll admit, even I didn’t hate the system at the time. I even waited for a solid extra month so I could buy and play Twilight Princess for Wii instead of GameCube.

Sunday Soapbox: Accepted Idiocy

Ethos’ first Sunday Soapbox was written not only immediately after finishing God of War II, but also mere days after my departure from Toronto after a glorious, 8-day visit. So, the article displays two different bitters in one. Or at least, that’s how I see it, for the sake of my own self-worth.

Anyway, Ethos doesn’t hate God of War II, but man, he sure does hate all of the pointless contextual button-mashing and Quick-Time Events. And he explains his hatred very clearly and efficiently. I gave one of his Scatter Stormings a nod for pure rage content, and I must point out here once again that it’s not often we get to see Ethan riled up. It’s cute. And  it’s not even a long read, at just over 500 words. And it even has some MS paint screens! Remember when he used to do those? Daww…

Sunday Soapbox: Seasons of Gaming

We all know that Ethan’s a bit of a fruitcake. His oddball, artsy mind views things a little differently from the rest of the pack and he draws connections and parallels between concepts and ideas that many people wouldn’t have defined in the first place.

But, as out-there as he might be, Ethan can still communicate his thoughts and ideas to the rest of us through fantastic editorials such as this one. In an article discussing videogames and their diversity, Ethan draws parallels between games and seasons. All in the spirit of Spring Awakening week, y’see. It’s a little scattered (Ha! Ha!), but it drives its point home well, and ends up making a lot of sense somehow. Sort of like Ethan himself. (What?)

Breaking News: Incredibly Shitty Banner

Ah god. This one. It’s so funny, yet when I laugh at it, I know I’m laughing at myself. Because, y’see, the post is an exaggerated way of saying, “YOU MADE A SHITTY BANNER, RIDDLES!”

Funny stuff, though. And entirely out of left field. If there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that the funniest jokes are the ones you don’t see coming. That being the case, I think I can single this out as the single most humorous thing that was featured on Riddlethos during the year 2010. And it’s not only because it was unexpected – it’s overflowing with self-deprecating, tongue-in cheek, over-the-top goofball brilliance that, I’m proud to say, personifies the genius behind this entire site. Well done, Ethos. Well done.

Sunday Soapbox: Why Riddles Sucks

The back-and-forth banter between myself and Ethos is one of the core principles of Riddlethos.com. We hate on, bitch at, degrade, and humiliate eachother whenever the slightest opportunity presents itself, and by doing so we keep our egos high and our readers entertained.

So, obviously, it was a no-brainer to extrapolate the concept into the extreme with our grand April Fool’s gag that culminated in an entire not-so-subtle theme week and a zombified Ethos. (Amazingly, some people still thought we were being serious.)

Anyway. This post is what kicked it all off. I was the mastermind behind the concept, but Ethan improvised like a younger, sexier Rosie O’ Donnel. Or… something.

Ahem.

Tingle! Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah! #004

If you already clicked the link, you’re probably wondering why in hell I picked this one. It’s a self-professed half-ass post from Ethos, sadly commemorating the first appearance of the pretty TTKL banner that I slaved* over for him.

The easy answer, of course, is that I’m so narcissistic that I love my website even when it fails. Even in the face of utter abortion and failure, my mind is equipped to perform whatever mental backflips are necessary to believe that we’re somehow awesome in spite. It’s a nice delusion to have, actually.

Ahem. What I mean to say is that it’s important we laugh at ourselves every so often. There’s something obscenely hilarious about this post, and in particular, about these two introductory paragraphs:

BOO-YA! Thank you Riddles for HLL-ifying my Tingle banner to officially make this your new Friday source of news at Riddlethos!

Yes, Riddles and I agreed that we should split the Hey! Look! Listen! job, but neither of us felt comfortable with me taking over directly. Therefore we came up with the perfect compromise: take my weird non-tangible barely-updated feature and make it the Ethos Friday news feature! Winning all around! Anyhoo, to kick things off right, I’ll half ass this and only give you one piece of old news!

It’s just… it’s because… he announces the change of policy, and hails the new banner with such enthusiasm. Or, at least, it seemed like enthusiasm. He then goes on to conscientiously half-ass his first column, and then… well, let’s just say, things never got a whole lot better for our ill-fated “Friday source of news at Riddlethos.”

God, I love that I’m singing praises to our failures.

Welcome to Heavy Rain Week

This is a quickie, but a goodie. As the saying goes. Is that a saying? That’s not actually a saying.

Still, this post cracked me up when I read it almost… a year ago (sobs) and it still cracks me up now. After the internet was subjected to the unfettered awesomeness of my Heavy Rain Week banner, Ethos was once again dejected by how much more skilled I am than he – and, additionally, he was filled with sorrow, because the post was written the day before I was forced to leave his home in Toronto after an eight-day visit. The result? Short, bittersweet hilarity.

My God

God damn, I love this post. I laugh so hard at it every time I look at it. No, seriously. Ethan is the resident master of picture-posts here at Riddlethos, and occasionally he uses them with a deftness unseen in the world of internet comedy. Like in this example. Not only is the picture hilarious, but the minimal dialog that accompanies it rockets this post to the top ten list with ease. And if that wasn’t enough, Darth Gibblet follows up by saying

Wow, I really need to stop checking this site before going to bed. Now that picture will haunt my nightmares, and I blame Riddles.

And if that wasn’t enough, SeventhCircle then chimed in, noting:

The “Riddles is a lazy fuck” tag has quite a few entries under it now.

Thanks for noticing, Glenn.

(I do love you though)

Spam Comment Roundup #003

I’d be remiss to write this list without mentioning Spam Comment Roundup. It’s a bit of a rare delicacy here at Riddlethos, but every time I read one, I laugh out loud. It’s a great concept, and Ethos pulls it off with ease and style.

Just remember, you must be logged in to save your lolz to your account.

Latarsha Dickensheets.

God, I hate February

Why? Mark Thunder, that’s why. I love Mark Thunder.

*”Slaved,” in this particular context, means “spent six entire minutes on”

Best Riddlethos of 2010 – More Comments

Friday, January 21st, 2011

A long time ago, I researched some comments. I don’t remember the article that they’re from, so I can’t be as snazzy as Riddles, but here’s the 2 that I saved from that one period of research. Click to make bigger.

Proof of Hypocrisy

Right after last year’s awards, we went into Bayonetta Faceoff Week. But that was all Riddles’ gig, so all I did was talk about how awesome Darksiders was. It is awesome, but some of our readers who also have me on Facebook decided to call me out on something…

Yup, that sums it up pretty accurately.

Gibblet Swoops in Again

As shown in one of Riddles’ examples, long-time-reader and commenter DarthGibblet tends to join a conversation late to either throw a bit of a curve ball, or in this case, tie things together quite nicely and make me laugh.

Plus, it’s more mockery of Riddles.

That’s it for now. Still sick. More comments and awards to come! Best “Week” evar!

The Adventures of Ethos in New York: Preview

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

In case you forgot what it looks like.

I’m quite sick from my New York trip (you’ll have a better idea why in the pieces to come), and so I tried to get today off work to rest and have more time to write-up stuff for you guys. No dice, soldier. And I’m remembering a lot of plans for this weekend, so I’m going to be way more busy than I’d like.

STILL! I have much to discuss from my trip, and while I don’t have much time now, I’m going to at least paste the notes I took in the press conference. I didn’t even know it was going to be a press conference at all, much less one with Reggie, so it took me by surprise. So I decided to take notes like a liveblog even though it wasn’t one. So here’s the copy/paste of that:

-presentation about to start. Cramped seating. Two presentation
screens. GET IT?! Isn’t Ninty clever?

-recapping e3 reveal. News clips.

-Reggie!!

-blahblah

-talking about Mario64?

-talking about waggle “and that brings us to today.” Yikes.

-talking about taking 3D pictures of my kids. I don’t have kids, Reggie.

-Announcing price today. Launch date. Launch games.

-2gig card with system.

-Showing home menu. Looks like the Wii

-green light: local connectivity.

-”It’s a game changer” is their big thing.

-talking games now.

-Pilot Wings at launch!

-nintendogcatsblahblah

-The tech for the game actually sounds cool. Face recognition. Still don’t really care.

-Steel Diver game? Just a tech demo before. Full game now.

-I get to play Zelda today. Booya!

-kid Icarus too. But I hear that controls like crap.

-3rd party now. Dead or Alive. Developer video. I love the Japanese language.

-Sports games lalala. Peter Moore video.

-okay, feeling hungover now. Street Fighter IV video.

-ooo, spectator mode! Online play.

-price coming…

-between launch and e3: 30 games available. Apparently.

-ooo! Built-in stats! And a pedometer? That gives me in-game currency? What?

-New Mii creator with picture import.

-Finally seems a little more social. Miis will swap in Street Pass
including ‘last game played’.

-talking about AR games? I missed that.

-change to friend codes. No more software-specific codes. Make friends
online, no need to necessarily enter codes. You can see which friends
are online. Way more community than anything Nintendo has done, that’s for sure.

-For me, this is makes the Wii even more irrelevant.

-easier digital game downloads. New and virtual console titles. New
store looks improved for Nintendo. Don’t know if it’ll be the psn
store, but definitely better than before.

-cost isssssss…

-$250! Not 300.

-March 27 launch.

150 ds stations. I’mma go play!

And that’s all I wrote! Spoilers: Kid Icarus DOES control like crap. More in this series as soon as I can.

Quickie

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

Love you guys. Just got back. Exhausting time. Full impressions of the press conference, event, and all the games I played tomorrow. Too pooped to even find a picture of a tired dude and post it.

Best Riddlethos of 2010 – The Comments

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

This is something I’ve wanted to do since last year. We may not have a terribly diverse range of commenters here at Riddlethos, but what we lack in numbers, we make up for with devotion, and – dare I say it – class?

That is to say, there’s been some funny shit expressed through comments over 2010. Here’s a few examples.

Embarrassing Admssions – Scatter Storming #021

Since I picked this as one of the best Scatter Stormings of 2010, you may have already re-visited the hilarious line of discourse that takes place in the comments. If not, let me summarize: SiliconNoob suggests that perhaps Ethos can’t identify with Kratos because he doesn’t have breasts. (Referring to Kratos, not Ethan. I think.) After a few back-and-forth comments between the two of them, DarthGibblet enters the scene to offer his usual, highly intellectual take on the situation:

Now that’s just embarrassing now matter how you slice it. For both of them, really.

Dyslexia – “Games where the Sun Don’t Shine #2″

One of our favorite things to do here at Riddlethos is countdown lists. It’s a quick an easy solution to filling theme weeks with appropriate content, and it often leads to us writing some of our best stuff. Weird but true. Anyway, one of the pesky things about countdown weeks is that you have to count. Which sometimes leads to confusion. Like when I labeled this post 4 instead of 2. Ethos was quick not to fix, but instead point out my mistake:

Bah is right.

Epic Fail of the Senses – “I’m Back. Bitches”

After a month-long hiatus, I returned to Riddlethos will all the grace and gusto you’d expect. That is to say, I epic failed right out of the gate, with my inability to identify the object in my own post’s picture. SiliconNoob was quick to inform me, however, with a comment that surely wasn’t condescending in the least.

Thaat’s me!

These are sort of fun. I might do more of them. MAYBE. For now, I’m hungry. And apparently my three days off of work will now only be two, because I just got a call from the restaurant. Bloody hell, I had planned to do nothing but play Dead Space.

Anyway. Ethan’s in New York right now playing 3DS, the lucky bastard. According to his facebook, he’s played Ocarina of Time 3D and jizzed in his pants. Oh, and if you haven’t heard, the 3DS will cost $250, not $300, and it releases on March 27 in North America. The battery life still sucks though, as far as anyone knows. That’s about all I know, hopefully Ethan will come through with some impressions from the event. Eh?

~Riddles