Well I’ve been away in the lovely and ghost town of Guelph, Ontario. I’ve been drinking and hanging out with old friends, and generally not updating Riddlethos.
What’s Riddles’ excuse? THERE IS NONE!
Well there might be, I haven’t talked to him. This weekend for me has been a lot like that girl’s left tit. (see: below)
Look forward to regular updates returning next week!
Despite Riddles’ (truly) great Hey! Look! Listen! yesterday/this morning, I found a few supplementary news items and previews that I think are worth mentioning. And what other title could be more perfect for the role of a Navi-themed column follow up? I know everyone hates Tingle, but the dude is fucking hilarious. He’s a 40 something year old dude in a creepy costume tied to a balloon selling maps! That is fucked up! It’s why I love Majora’s Mask, the games were still about personality, no matter how terrifying. Anyhoo, onto to the (previ)(n)ews.
New Super Mario Bros Wii Preview -
This will likely be the only other game I buy for the Wii this entire year (the first being Excite Bots). Although I thought it would be good anyway, it looks better than I anticipated. I have no idea how I’ll feel about the multiplayer, which I know is a focus, but the single player looks just as addicting and well-constructed as the 2D Mario games have ever been. Modern Warfare 2 on the same week, I think, but still. Should be a more than worthy purchase.
The Big Sisters were always Badass.
Wii HD with Blu-Ray Next Year? -
This is the second story after that stupid DSi LL story if you watch the video. I agree with Chobot’s tone on the story: skeptical. We all know Nintendo in the past 3-4 years. High technology hasn’t exactly been their philosophy. Still, with Miyamoto’s recent comments, and with the high-def format war being won, I don’t think it’s entirely out of the question that Nintendo would plan to be part of the future mass-market. HD screens are far more common than they were when the Wii was announced, and as oblivious as Nintendo can be, they do know where the money is, and high-def is no longer just for the elite. I’m obviously being optimistic because a HD system would theoretically attract more developers who would make more games that I would care about, but a boy can dream. Plus, Nintendo won’t be in SD forever, but I’ll be as surprised as everyone else if the switch is as soon as next year.
Hello, and welcome to Riddlethos.com. More specifically, welcome to the Thursday edition of Hey! Look! Listen!, the prized centerpiece of our site.
Okay, that might be a BIT cocky on my part, but it’s my column (and my site, too) so I can say whatever I want. Quite a liberating feeling, in all honesty.
By the time you’re reading this, I doubt it will be Thursday, but you know better than to expect timeliness anyway. Curse the necessity of working for one’s living.
Onward and forward!
Announcement of Final Fantasy XIII North American Release Date Coming Soon
This almost seems too… easy? I dunno. It’s not a leaked document or a sketchy rumor, it’s simply a casting call from Los Angeles based ad agency. They’re looking for someone to read a script during a “never bef0re seen” look at Final Fantasy XIII, and according to the slide, during this exclusive look, the release date will be announced. Don’t believe me? Look down.
For posterity, I’ll make the same obvious observation that every other site has made: if this is going to be a “never-before seen” look, then it will LIKELY take place BEFORE the Japanese release of the game, which is December 17. Why? Because as soon as the game is out in Japan, every last second of it will be documented on YouTube.
HAHAHAHA: Nintendo Finally Sees a Decline in Profits
HA HA HA HA HA
Sorry. Um…
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Erm. So sorry. Anyway. Everyone’s favorite Nintendo is reporting, for the first time in six years, a decline in profits. For the six months ending September 2009, they reported a 34.5 percent drop in net sales compared to the same period last year, and a 53.4 percent drop in net income.
The number of actual Wiis sold during that six months amounted to 5.75 million – a 10.1 million decrease from the same period last year.
Nintendo’s reasoning for this decline? Get ready, it’s pretty rich: “appreciation of the yen and the price cut on ‘Wii’ hardware.”
…price cut? Um. Are they possibly talking about the price cut that was enacted, y’know, a MONTH ago?
They never, ever cease to amaze.
Modern Warfare 2 Will Feature Skippable Scenes of Brutality
You’ve all seen the airport massacre scene from the upcoming Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. (If you haven’t, refer to the previous HLL.) Pretty brutal stuff, eh? Well, apparently there’s more where that came from. In a statement to Kotaku, Activision stated that many scenes in Modern Warfare 2 are designed to “evoke the atrocities of terrorism.” Makes sense, seeing as it’s a game about, y’know, Modern Warfare.
However, if you find the massacre of innocents at an airport (by terrorists, mind you!) just a little too distasteful, you can choose to skip it altogether. From the statement:
“At the beginning of the game, players encounter a mandatory “checkpoint” in which they are warned that an upcoming segment may contain disturbing elements and they can choose not to engage in the gameplay that involves this scene.”
Hrm. Well, I’ll refrain from comment until we tackle this NEXT story.
Modern Warfare 2 Could be Banned in Australia
SPEAKING of that oh-so-brutal, entirely skippable airport scene, word of it has reached our friends in Australia, and they aren’t happy. The Sydeny Morning Herald has a headline that says: “Outrage as Terrorist Game Lets Players Massacre Civilians.”
Hooo, boy.
The Australian Council on Children and the Media is calling to have the game’s MA15+ rating re-considered. This, of course, would effectively ban it from the country, because there’s no higher rating to give it. Jane Roberts, the apparent spokesperson for this organisation, had this to say:
“The consequences of terrorism are just abhorrent in our community and yet here we are with a product that’s meant to be passed off as a leisure time activity, actually promoting what most world leaders speak out publicly against,” said Roberts, who is also the principal policy officer in Western Australia’s Department of Premier and Cabinet.
“We understand that it’s a game but … we’re not far off when you look at the images that you could actually put it on a Channel Nine news report and you’d think maybe that is real.
“If that material was on the internet about how to become a terrorist, how to join a group and how to wipe out people – that would be removed because it would not be acceptable.”
Yes, I had to include ALL of that, because it’s all… so… stupid. It’s SO stupid, in fact, that I’m not even going to waste time explaining to you why it’s stupid. Instead, I will simply say this: Modern Warfare 2 is a piece of interactive (note INTERACTIVE) fiction that tells a story about (you guessed it) Modern Warfare. A film would show a pre-recorded segment of terrorists gunning down civilians and nobody would bat an eye.
Although I must once again note: I HIGHLY doubt that Activision finds this excess media attention undesirable.
First Epic Mickey Screens Revealed.
After weeks of staring at gorgeous concept art, I was almost afraid to see what Epic Mickey would actually look like as a game. However, now that the moment of truth has finally arrived, I admit to being pleasantly surprised. There’s a touch of Kingdom Hearts here to be sure, but by and large, this is Disney magic in a way we’ve never seen it before. Anticipation = through the roof. My favorite screen is below; check ‘em all out on 1UP
Hugh Jackman to Play Nathan Drake?
Let it be clear that I do NOT want to see Uncharted turned into a movie. It’s a game that delivers an experience that only a game could deliver, and to see it converted to a modern-day Indiana Jones ripoff would hurt my heart.
Regardless, this is pretty interesting. Nolan North, voice actor for the infamous Nathan Drake, spoke a little about the Uncharted movie on PlayStation Magazine UK’s podcast:
“Jackman is who I’d like to see. I think the producers would like to see Jackman too, because he has that tough guy exterior, but [...] there’s also a lot going on behind his eyes. A lot of emotion and sensitivity on that brusque exterior, and he has great comic timing. He’s a phenomenal actor. I just hope I get a part on the movie so I can work with Hugh.”
The only way I could possibly, POSSIBLY get behind an Uncharted movie is if North himself played the titular role of Drake. However, Hollywood being what it is, I know that will never happen.
Alright, enough is enough. That was monstrous. In case you care, (because I certainly don’t) Nintendo has announced yet another DSi with a screen that’s 93% bigger. So, all you “size matters” people can rejoice. The rest of us, I’m sure, will be perfectly content in not giving two shits. One shit, even.
Goodnight, folks. It’s been fun.
…to the Theme Week or even the general gist of Riddlethos, but I have a soapbox so I’m going to use it, goddamn it.
It's robot Sauron apparently
Erm…oh, and I’m going to Guelph tonight without my 360, so…umm…I don’t have that much more to say about Forza! Oh well! The point is that it’s not Bioshock 2 Week, so I’m doing just fine. I WILL have my laptop up there, however, so you’ll be hearing from me.
“Ethos Presents Forza 3 Week?”
So, let me get this straight: instead of showcasing the pure, orgasmic awesomeness of BioShock and its upcoming sequel, we’re having a week based on some dumb RACING GAME?
Yeah, I know it’s a bit late to complain, but it still hurts. Oh, and in case you haven’t noticed, your Forza 3 Week SUCKS. A lot. Unless you manage to whip up some amazing shit for these remaining four days, I will officially label this week a failure. But then, you’re used to those, now aren’t you?
Like my latest HLL implied, you are a stupid, scheming, theme-week stealing douchebag. You also have gay hair.
Speaking of HLL, there WILL be one tonight, but not until late. I’m actually at work right now, but we’re rather dead, so I figured I’d take the time to write you some well-deserved hate mail.
By the way, I know you haven’t played any Brutal Legend lately, but how far did you get? I’ve played a decent bit over the last few days, and let me tell you, some of those later battles get fucking BRUTAL.
HAHAHAHA SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!
Erm. Anyway. The battles really DO get difficult, and I’m actually kinda pissed off at the game right now. I’ve considered the possibility that I might, in fact, just suck ass. To confirm this, I need to know if you’ve played (and completed) the same battle I’m stuck on.
But then I remember that you’re never on AIM, because you’re a reclusive asshole. So, uh. HINTHINT.
Anyway. That’s all I guess.
p.s: do you plan on buying Modern Warfare 2? If so, which system? We could totally online-multiplayer that shit up.
p.p.s: nobody cares about Forza 3. NOBODY
p.p.p.s: I love you, man
Yeah, so it’s a landscape cover this time. Deal with it, this picture was too perfect.
Like I said, I was finally able to play more Forza last night, so let me semi-collect my scattered thoughts on the game and storm them to you. Yes, I just verbed “storm” in a really incorrect and stupid way. Deal with it. That seems to be the theme with this issue.
REWARD’D! Car: The RPG -
Although I don’t quite remember if I played Gran Turismo or Final Fantasy VII – my first non-Pokémon RPG – first, but I can’t deny that it’s the same driving principal that makes me love both series’. Stats, upgrades, and seeing that the more time I invest in the game, the more I get back. Sure the first Gran Turismo only had credits to go off of, but you could use those credits to upgrade car parts, and buy new cars which would in turn, allow you to access to more races. Anyway, Forza 3 hikes this concept to the most addicting level. Not only is there an overall driving level that rewards you with a new car that you keep every time you go up a level (not just at landmarks), there is also a 5 level progression for each car. It’s a very smart system. Each car has five levels that rewards the player with a 10% discount on car parts, but after the 5 levels, there are no more rewards. It really encourages the player to try out a bunch of different cars. The system is one of the many addicting things that has made my finger as sore as is it.
OPTION’D! Seriously, the customization is insane -
It looks like Turn 10 Studios have come up with the exemplary way to make a game accessible to everybody. If you’d like, you can let the smooth voice of the British announcer direct you to the easiest options and have your hand held the entire way through. Or, you can instantly explore the one billion options for tuning, upgrading, auctioning and buying a car. Why not try a mix of the two? Get a feel for the system and then start to slowly look into the deeper options, you can do that. Or maybe you’d rather have more races to choose from, and the season progression doesn’t really interest you, or perhaps you’d just like more credits? Just go to the massive-fucking event list available from the start and choose from many, many more events.
Four of four billion choices.
Hey, maybe you want to race one event over and over until you have enough money to buy a smoking hot Dodge Viper? No problem, almost every single car is unlocked from the start. And if you choose to turn off the sixty billion “assist” options, the game rewards you with an increasingly large extra percentage of credits for every race. It’s beautiful balanced, accessible to newcomers and incredibly deep for veterans. It’s what every developer claims to do, but what is actually accomplished in Forza 3. Oh right, and there are 10 different car classes based on performance. No big deal.
ZOOM! It feels fucking amazing to drive these mother-fucking badass cars -
No foolin’. Every car feels different, and although the early races are fun, when you’re in the cockpit view of the aforementioned slamming hot Viper, blasting your way around turns and just slipping by a souped up BMW, there’s no way you’ll have a dry crotch. It sounds great, and the rumble is perfect. The music is AWFUL, though, so I just stream my own music from the mini-dashboard menu since that’s allowed.
Anyway, that’s it. Work time. Suck it.
My back HURTS.
Can the inappropriate jokes, you clowns. My back really, really hurts and I’m not happy about it.
Regardless, I’m here to bring you the news as I always do; or whatever I manage to approximate. As Ethos mentioned earlier today (in a not-so-subtle reminder, methinks) there actually IS quite a bit of news to discuss.
So hang on to your butts, and we’ll get to it.
Modern Warfare 2 Opening Video Leaked – Controversy Likely to Follow
I almost have to wonder if this was intentional on the part of Infinity Ward or Activision. The opening gameplay segment of the upcoming Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 has been leaked for the viewing pleasure of the internet. Check it out below:
Hmm. Anything about this video alarm you? Like… the fact that the player is clearly a terrorist, gunning down innocent civilians in an airport? Just a little bit on the brutal side.
It’s obvious that this is just a temporary segment, with the purpose of developing the plot of the game. However, I have little doubt that it will be snapped up by the mass media and blown way out of proportion.
And frankly, I doubt either publisher or developer will have a problem with that.
Modern Warfare 2 Will Feature Third-Person Mode
IN that same video, an apparent third-person shooting mode was shown off. This mode was later confirmed by Activision.
Third-person mode will only be available in multiplayer matches, and only when it is specifically set in the options menu beforehand. (i.e, players will not be able to toggle first/third person viewpoints while in a match. Also, it must be set for all players in the match.)
Huh. A “leaked” video that a) announces an unexpected new game mode and b) shows off some sure-to-be-controversial footage? Well played, Activision. Well played.
God of War Collection to Hit Stores November 17
Hey, hey, hey; we finally have a release date AND a trophy list for the upcoming God of War collection for the PS3. As the title states, that release date is November 17. For those interested in the trophy list (which is quite massive) check out the Kotaku article.
The God of War collection is the two original PS2 classics re-mastered and copied to a single Blu-Ray disc. You probably knew that already, but I figured I should clarify for posterity’s sake. I’d love to pick up personally, but between Modern Warfare 2 and Assassin’s Creed II, it’s yet to be seen if I’ll have the financial means.
First Brutal Legend DLC Free on PS3
Brutal Legend has a DLC pack coming out on November 5, which consists of two new maps for the game’s online multiplayer mode. (Which, in case you’re wondering, I’ve yet to test out.) The names of the maps are Circle of Tears and Death’s Fjord, and they’ll cost you 400 Microsoft Points.
However, if you, like me, have the PS3 version of Brutal Legend, you can download the pack for free for the first two weeks. Why? Nobody knows. So, instead of asking questions, I’ll just download it and be happy. I mean, I’ll probably never USE it, but it’s free so I don’t care.
Disgruntled Gamer Sues Sony over PSN Ban
Lawsuits! Lawsuits! Juicy lawsuits. Actually, this one is a bit lame, but it’s funny. Erik Estavillo, avid player of Resistance: Fall of Man originally filed suit against Sony back in June, claiming that his ban somehow violated his right of free speech. In that same suit, he asserted that his ban constituted theft of his pre-paid PSN points. Needless to say, his case was thrown out the window rather quickly.
Apparently he’s back at it, still representing himself, and appealing his garbage lawsuit. Why did I give this dumb fucker the time of day? Because this quote from the GamePolitics article is priceless:
Estavillo tells GP he is representing himself in these cases and, in light of his PSN ban, is playing the Wii (Metroid Trilogy) and Xbox 360 (Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe). Estavillo said that he loves playing as The Joker in the latter title and may be “a bit obsessed” with the character, adding, “I plan to wear a purple suit during my court trials. No joke!”
Win, win, win.
The Who to Rock Rock Band
God DAMN it. I knew eventually they were going to release a Rock Band or Guitar Hero that I care about, and here it is. Speaking to Mass Live.com, The Who’s lead singer, Roger Daltrey, let the cat out of the bag:
Q: The Beatles are the latest band to be featured in a video game, “The Beatles: Rock Band.”
A: The game, yeah, yeah, they’re going to be doing a Who one next year. There is one planned. (The idea) is fabulous. Anything that gets non-musical people interested in music is wonderful. In my opinion, music is our last true great freedom. They can burn our books, they can burn our paintings, but they can’t stop us singing and making music.
I love The Who. I have Quadrophenia playing as I type this, in fact. I happen to despise Rock Band, Guitar Hero, and the like.
If The Who: Rock Band ever does come to exist, it will represent a dire conflict of interest.
Alrighty, that’s all folks. You actually got a decent amount of news today, and you got it on time. So. Be happy!
By the way, just to set the record straight, I have not picked up Forza 3, and I won’t be doing so. Why? Because only stupid, scheming, theme-week stealing douchebags play that Forza, THAT’S why.
(grumblegrumble)
Yup! Forza 3 is available to the public, and I’m sure that thousands and thousands of people have already played more than I have. But although my finger is STILL sore, I’m going to suck it up and play some more tonight. I don’t care if I don’t get home from work until near midnight, and I don’t care if my finger actually DOES get a real crack in it the shape of a Dodge Viper. It’s time to tear this week apart! There was actually some news this week, so Riddles should finally be able to give you all a Hey! Look! Listen! with real content for the first time in a while. Until then, go out and play Forza 3 along with me, or look forward to my gushing about it.
I forget whether or not I told you guys, but I was lucky enough to buy a copy of Forza 3 early. Almost a week early, and I have definitely been playing the crap out of it. As indicated by the near-perfect IM capture below, my right index finger is actually very sore, and I’ve had to take a three day break from gaming in general. Seriously, it’s like the first time I played guitar. I’m going to grow Forza calluses, and I’m okay with it. The point is that I’ve beat the very short first season (I think there are six that get significantly longer), but I’ve spent hours tooling around in the massive event list, test driving, customization, car list, auction house, the list goes on. This is one of those games that offers so much that you won’t need to stop playing until the next one comes out (or maybe until Gran Turismo 5). But to be honest, as a life-long Gran Turismo fan, the series really WILL have to step up its game to compete with what is offered here. The progression is just so addicting and open-ended that it’s hard to imagine how to improve the formula. Anyway, I need breakfast/lunch/water, so more gushing will have to come later. Until then, you can all just imagine Riddles crying in a corner somewhere cuddling with his creepy Big Sister blow-up doll that I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
