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            Can you handle it?
by Ethos

Hail King Ethos… one last time.

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

Lord knows it went on long enough. It’s already over for him, but I have to suffer fifteen more minutes before I can say the same.

Anyway, I know I’ve been somewhat scarce of late and I apologize for that I’ll be back in form tomorrow, and I figured I’d go ahead and whip up a little something now. You’ve all read through Ethan’s elongated countdown of his top five favorite games. Now, you’re probably thinking I’m going to give you MY top five, which, obviously, would be far more awesome than his. But no, in honor of the remaining twelve minutes of King Ethos week, I’ll do something slightly different.

Mass Effect
Mass Effect
This is my most contested entry to his top five list. I’ve tried so very hard to fall in love with Mass Effect, but I just can’t. I like it a whole lot, hence why I’ve nearly completed it. But the pacing of the story just dampens the experience for me to the point where I honestly stopped caring about the plot soon after I left the citadel. Combat is a lot of fun, though it needs some tweaking – something I assume Mass Effect 2 will take care of. The dialogue and voice acting is extremely well done, and the richness of the universe that BioWare has created is rivaled by few. So yes, Mass Effect is a good game. It’s just nowhere near my top five.

As tempting as it is to just make fun of poor Ethan for being an utter fruitcake, I’ll try to express something more legit here. Granted, I, uh, haven’t played Flower, so there’s not much I can say. HOWEVER, I’d be lying if I said it’s not a game I want to try. Ethos isn’t the only one singing its praises; from what I can see, the game has developed a small but devoted cult following, and that can’t be without reason. One day I’ll be able to offer my own opinion. Needless to say, as it stands, the game isn’t in my top five.

Shadow of the Colossus
Hell. Yes. If there is one thing me and Ethos have in common, it is our love for this masterpiece of a game. Since he’s already gushed about it, I’ll spare you. However, to put it simply, Shadow of the Colossus is one of the industry’s strongest arguments for games as art. Go play it and you’ll find out why. Definitely in my top five.

Final Fantasy IX
Once again, it’s incredibly tempting to make fun of Ethos’ undying (and, in my opinion, somewhat unwarranted) love for this game. To be sure, I loved every minute of Final Fantasy IX. It was a fun and funny experience dripping with character. But to be frank, behind all the popcorn moments and the laughs, the themes of the game just didn’t resonate with me in the same way that so many other Final Fantasy titles did. I don’t buy the argument that the lack of “emo” characters and storyline make the game more believable. (Hell, I don’t even buy the argument that the game is lacking in emo-ness. It has plenty from where I stand.) I’ll stop now before this becomes too long, but suffice to say, as amazing as FFIX is, it’s not in my top five.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
And this is why me and Ethan were meant to be. As admittedly dated as the game has become, I’ve yet to have another experience that has stuck with me in such a way. Everything Ethos stated earlier I agree with 115%. I, too, have never forgotten my first step onto the plains of Hyrule. And for that matter, I much prefer the Hyrule Field theme to the classic Zelda theme. And I always will. Not only is Ocarina of Time on my top five list, it’s my number one game, same as the King’s.

Time for Pizza Rolls. King Ethos week is officially over. Team ICO week begins right… about… NOW.

All good things must end.

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

Well folks, it’s been a wonderful King Ethos Week. Appropriately void of Riddles and appropriately full of narcissistic lists. We have some cool stuff planned for Team ICO Week, but we’ll fill you in on that tomorrow.
For now, my dear friend Andy bought me Folklore for the PS3 for my birthday in honour of my very-soon purchase of the PS3 Slim, and here are my detailed thoughts.

Okay, those thoughts weren’t that detailed, but I’m having another edition of “‘ELLO GUV’NAH” soon, so I’ll give you real thoughts then.
For the last time for a while: All hail King Ethos!

King Ethos’ Top Five Games of All Time List: Number 1

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

Well the dust has settled, predictions have been made on which Zelda would take the COVETED number 1 spot on this UNPRECEDENTED list. And although you can just jot your eyes down to the picture for the answer, I’m still going to give you a quick bit of trivia before I reveal it:
Did you notice that every single title on this list is from a different console? It surprised me too!
5 – Xbox360
4 – PS3/PSN
3 – PS2
2 – PSX
1 – N64
Ridiculous! Anyway, on to reveal Ocarina of Time.

1 – The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Yes, I do adore Majora’s Mask, and yes, it would probably sneak its way onto a top ten list, but Ocarina of Time still takes the cake.
11 years after its release, I’m finally starting to find people who admit they don’t like it or never liked it, but I remain in the set who claim this game changed the face of gaming. On a personal level, of course. Ocarina of Time proved to me that a game didn’t need a good plot to tell a powerful story. It proved that you don’t need a massive overworld for the game universe to feel infinite. It proved that not just Nobuo Uematsu could write a catchy, but also very impactful musical score. Few moments in gaming have created such a sensation of raw inspiration as when I first stepped out into Hyrule Field. It’s a clichéd moment, but I think it is that way for a reason. I have yet to play an adventure game with such tight design and inspired direction. It’s especially impressive that OoT continues to be the best 3D Zelda game even though Twilight Princess controls noticably better. I also kinda hate the main Zelda Theme, so I’m glad it wasn’t in the game.

News Roundup #002

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

Well, seeing as how we didn’t get booed off the stage last time we did this, we decided to go ahead and do another. Let’s see how long we can keep this up!

No, seriously, it’s a weekly feature. It would likely continue even if we did get booed off our virtual stage, because we can do whatever we want. So HA.

Anyway. This week is fairly light on the news items, composed mostly of the more relevant GamesCom announcements. However, it’s heavy on sagacity, wit, and and inappropriate humor. What more do you need?

News Roundup #002

King Ethos’ Top Five Games of All Time List: Number 2

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

The News Roundup is finished and on track to be posted Sunday, but very early Sunday this time, so keep your eyes peeled for that.
And here’s number 2 on THE BEST LIST THAT EVER WAS. Another no-surpriser for anybody who knows me at all. This one flip flops with the number 1 game all the time, but right now it has moved down to second place.

2 – Final Fantasy IX
‘Nuff said.
Go check the glorious “Summer of IX” backlogs over at Lusipurr.com if you want to hear my in-depth jizzings about that game. But, for now, I’m at a rare time in my life when I’m a little tired of praising it.
…I really need to eat something.

King Ethos’ Top Five Games of All Time List: Number 3

Friday, August 21st, 2009

Alright folks, here’s number 3 on my noble list. If you want to see the full list so far, just click on the tag below, and you won’t have to sift through any of the other garbage on this site.

3 – Shadow of the Colossus
Next week is Team ICO Week, so I’m sure I’ll be going into more detail then, but for now it is safe to say that Shadow of the Colossus is one of the rare games that exceeded my high expectations. Loneliness and hope permeate the entire experience, and riding across the barren landscape inspires such unexpected awe and wonder. With the premise simply being that Wander must defeat 16 giant beasts in a forbidden land for just a chance to bring back a life of someone close to him, the world welcomes your imagination to fill in the blanks. Never before has such a magical land been so believable, and the unconceivable thought of defeating massive foes inspired such bravery. This is the only game that quite literally pushed me to the edge of my seat. My greatest moment in gaming is probably when I lept from my horse through a wall of sand onto a dragon’s wing and proceeded to soar up with the beast into the clouds. Unbelievable moments and mood.

Fat Princess

Friday, August 21st, 2009

I played a good few hours of it. Off and online. And yes, it is a lot of fun. That is, however, if you’re not playing online with 89324729 idiots who did not grasp the concept of the game and insisted on waging an endless pointless war over a single outpost while the princesses rotted in the castles.
For those who don’t know, Fat Princess is a new downloadable game available exclusively on the Playstation Network, and it’s essentially a souped up version of Capture the Flag. The game is worth checking out if you want to know more, with fast paced gameplay and the potential for very satisfying team strategy.
But for now I’ll let the following picture sum up my experience.

Happy Birthday to Riddles!

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

Perhaps it is my week, but I’d regret it forever if I didn’t point out that it is my partner in crime’s birthday today. Sir Oliver James Motok turns the tender age of 20 on this, the 20th day of August. I hope you join me in wishing him the absolute best.

Now onto my Top 5 countdown. Number 5 was Mass Effect, if you already forgot, so let’s move onto 4.

4 – Flower
This is no surprise to anybody who has been following my online antics since the beginning of the year, but Flower is the Playstation 3 Network exclusive title that knocked me on my ass. I didn’t see it coming because thatgamecompany’s first PSN title, flOw, was mildly entertaining at best. Flower however, captured 6 pure emotions and made them come alive in the form of the dreams of 6 flowers on a city windowsill. The premise is ridiculously fruity, and there is very little traditional challenge, but no game has created such a powerful thematic arc with such ease. There is a level for every mood I have and this is a game that – like a good album – will never get old, but will provide perpetual emotional satisfaction. Make fun of me all you want, but anybody who has dreamed of flying will not be able to help adoring this game.

Hey! Look! Listen! The GamesCom 2009 Edition

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

The second day of GamesCom has been significantly less interesting than the first.

This is likely because the biggest piece of news to come out of today is the Fable III announcement, and I really don’t care about Fable. I might if I’d actually, y’know, played the first two.


Fable III officially announced
Well. Uh. This is fairly self-explanatory, and I’ve stated twice before that I honestly don’t give a rat’s ass. But in any case, Peter Molyneux announced the game during Microsoft’s press conference. Apparently, this time around you’re some dude leading a campaign to overthrow a tyrant and become King of Albion. Once King you’ll be able to sentence or pardon people as part of the new Judgment system, and blah blah blah more exaggerated promises and hype from Peter Molyneux.


First Final Fantasy XIV Gameplay footage revealed
MORE self-explanatory news items! If you want to see how Square Enix’s upcoming MMORPG looks in real-time, then head to GameTrailers and see for yourself. There are three different videos for you to choose from. They all look… a lot like Final Fantasy XI. And I mean a lot.

Annnnd I’ve been 20 years old for an hour and 22 minutes. I feel somewhat obligated to come up with a third news item, but nothing is overly interesting and it’s my FREAKIN’ BIRTHDAY, so I’m signing off. Goodnight, everyone. Hail King Ethos.

Not GamesCom 2009: Happy Birthday, Ethan

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

Yes, it is his birthday. And it has been for the past… four hours.

I’ve been up waaaayyy too late perusing over GamesCom info and subsequently writing about it. I really need to get to bed before…

God damn it, Fable III was just announced.

Nope, nope, nope. Maybe tomorrow I’ll write something about it. Or maybe not since I honestly don’t give two shits about Fable.
And I’ll also be at work all day. Which sucks because I (obviously) won’t be getting much SLEEP tonight.

But hey, let’s all remember the IMPORTANT matter here: Ethan Pipher, our very own King Ethos, is twenty-three years old today!


(What a wonderfully awkward way of saying that.)

Anyway. Pretty sure I’m borderline delirious. BED.