Riddlethos » News Roundup

News Roundup #008 – October 5, 2009: “Tit-Fucking Amazing”

Ethos — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 01:52:41 +0000

Fun Roundup this week! Riddles and Ethos talk the news and even dive into a bit of Riddles’ work drama!

Soak up what you can because Riddlethos is considering putting the News Roundup feature on hiatus. Let us know what you think. Do you like the Roundup? Would you be glad to see it go? Don’t care either way? Let us know in the comments below or by e-mailing feedback@riddlethos.com.

Ethos: Alrights!
Ethos: Wanna know stories beforehand?

Riddles: Nah
Riddles: Just HIT ME, brudda

***Ethos clocks Riddles

Riddles: That is NOT what I meant
Riddles: But thank you

Ethos: Anytime!
Ethos: Okayokay
Ethos: Lemme choose the first one.
Ethos: PSP Go released. Was that this week? I feel like this has been beaten to death.

Riddles: Haha
Riddles: Yeah, that was this week
Riddles: And… I don’t think many people care.
Riddles: I certainly don’t

Ethos: Yeah. Drop the price, please.
Ethos: If even I don’t want it because of the price, there’s a problem.

Riddles: It’s ridiculous
Riddles: for $50 extra, you could buy a PS3

Ethos: Yup.
Ethos: And no Dissidia or Crisis Core yet.
Ethos: No thank you.

Riddles: Yeah, I’m not interested until it comes waaaay down

Ethos: Yup!

Riddles: I respect the Go because I think it DOES represent the future of handhelds
Riddles: but this is a very poorly executed first step

Ethos: Agreed. That’s the way I want to go, but I agree.
Ethos: So, like I said…beaten to death
Ethos: And YOU have a movie to get to

Riddles: Indeed.

Ethos: Scratch that
Ethos: TWO movies

Riddles: Toy Story 1+2 in IMAX 3-D!
***Riddles glees

Ethos: Readers: Riddles is very impressed with technology in his run-down archaic state.

Riddles: No, I just like Toy Story

Ethos: Toy Story IS amazing
Ethos: Moving on
Ethos: Speaking-ish of Squeenix:
Ethos: 2-3 new big projects for the developer?
Ethos: They want more huge franchises on par with FF and DQ
Ethos: And plan to release one every quarter
Ethos: Each one selling 2 million
Ethos: Right…
Ethos: They have yet to prove themselves this generation, really.

Riddles: Agreed.
Riddles: They’re trying desperately to cut into the Western market with new franchises
Riddles: and so far they’ve fallen on their faces

Ethos: FFXIII is their last hope

Riddles: Yeah it is.
Riddles: And I certainly hope they’re not counting NIER among these three big franchises
Riddles: because that game looks like a pile of shit
Riddles: A pile of derivative shit at that

Ethos: Well the story implies that none have really been announced yet.

Riddles: True
Riddles: Ah well, Nier still looks like shit

Ethos: I don’t know about it.
Ethos: And it seems like I should be glad for it.

Riddles: Maybe it’ll surprise us.
Riddles: Moving on?

Ethos: Yez
Ethos: Just when we thought they confirmed NO Natal in Fable, Peter makes sure to make this game look less appealing all the time.
Ethos: I mean, it sounded bad enough when the premise was “Fable III: Politics Edition”, but now pretty much confirmed Natal support?
Ethos: Boo.

Riddles: BAH
Riddles: Bah
Riddles: and bah

Ethos: Agreed!
Ethos: Moving on?

Riddles: Let me just say
Riddles: Motion Control is NOT the new multiplayer
Riddles: It doesn’t need to be in Fable III
Riddles: it doesn’t need to be anywhere
Riddles: EVER
Riddles: Moving on!

Ethos: Well, I don’t entirely agree. But I DO agree that it doesn’t need to be in Fable, and that it is sounding like a REALLY bad game.
Ethos: Next up:
Ethos: “Oliver Motok is always down for a good screaming match.” – This is Riddles’ current Facebook status. Explain.

Riddles: Bahhahahahaha
Riddles: I told you I was at work, remember?
Riddles: Drove there on my fucking day off
Riddles: To speak with the owners about some… issues.
Riddles: Gotta love working in a non-corporate small business
Riddles: And that’s all that needs to be said!
Riddles: I am still employed

Ethos: Oh!
Ethos: I was about to say “this is getting good”
Ethos: No details?

Riddles: None that would be entertaining.

Ethos: You need a new job.

Riddles: I do need a new job.
Riddles: I need a fresh start, Ethos
Riddles: A fresh start

Ethos: I know, mang.
Ethos: It does wonders
Ethos: Moving on?

Riddles: Yez
Riddles: moving on

Ethos: Alrighty
Ethos: ODST outperformed expectations…somehow
Ethos: What WERE their expectations? It’s fucking Halo.

Riddles: …good question.

Ethos: Even I was interested, and I don’t really care about Halo

Riddles: Same here!

Ethos: Seemed like a decent campaign for once.
Ethos: I had been following coverage on IGN, and it just seemed different in a good way.

Riddles: Actually, after reading Nate’s review on Lusipurr.com, I was genuinely intrigued.
Riddles: He compares the game’s setting and atmosphere to neo-noir stuff like Blade Runner, which instantly makes it appealing to me.
Riddles: And I’ve NEVER been able to get into Halo
Riddles: It looks like a genuinely well-made shooter, not just a cheap expansion pack

Ethos: Yup.
Ethos: I’ve appreciated Halo, but never been personally interested until now.

Riddles: So yeah, I’m not surprised it’s selling well.

Ethos: Meeee neither.
Ethos: I might eventually get it.
Ethos: I want it.
Ethos: But I just got a new place.

Riddles: That is true!

Ethos: So I’m unable to instantly buy all the games I want as soon as I wanted.
Ethos: ODST and NHL10 will have to wait!
Ethos: Not Brutal Legend, however
Ethos: ANYWAY
Ethos: one last story
Ethos: And we’ll have nothing to say about it.
Ethos: Wii Fit Plus out. Same thing. Cheaper than a gym membership.

Riddles: And… we’re dignifying this with coverage… because?

Ethos: It’s a big game.

Riddles: Yeah, but it’s Wii Fit.

Ethos: I don’t think Wii Fit is the worst.
Ethos: It’s not a gamer’s game
Ethos: But it does what it does well.

Riddles: WHAT IT DOES is the problem
Riddles: What it REPRESENTS

Ethos: Oh sure.
Ethos: But isolate it from all that.
Ethos: I like it.
Ethos: Ninty’s already far gone
Ethos: So just embrace what is there.

Riddles: Request denied.

Ethos: Bah-ha ha
Ethos: No surprise.
Ethos: Alright.

Riddles: Alright!

Ethos: You need to go see awesome movies!

Riddles: I DO
Riddles: What’s our new ending phrase again?

Ethos: It’s the full name of King Tut

Riddles: Ummm

Ethos: …which I don’t remember

Riddles: um
Riddles: um
Riddles: um

Ethos: C’MON!

Riddles: Tutenkahmen?

Ethos: GOOD ENOUGH

Outtake of the Week:

Riddles: Before I go:
Riddles: WHAT THE FUCK?
Riddles: That is all

Ethos: You didn’t see this?
Ethos: There was concept art
Ethos: It looks AMAZING

Riddles: Craziness.

Ethos: Don’t know why it’s a Wii game
Ethos: But it looks to be tit-fucking amazing

Riddles: I’ll have to read more about it later
Riddles: Gots to go!

Ethos: Yup!
Ethos: Much love
Ethos: _e

Riddles: ~riddles

News Roundup #007 – September 27, 2009: “Shooting The Shit”

Ethos — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 20:11:01 +0000

News was so disappointing this week that Riddlethos decided to dedicate the Roundup to ragging on TGS 2009. There are no headlines, no megatons, and Riddles and Ethos don’t even know they’re officially rounding up until half way through the conversation!

Still, this casual conversation is a great read as the lack of news starts to visibly tear away at the young nerds’ happiness and sanity.

Enjoy!

Riddles: But anyway, I have to ask
Riddles: Are we going to round up some news tonight, or no?

Ethos: I’m cool to do it.

Riddles: I’m down with getting shit done tonight, actually

Ethos: Hot times

Riddles: I’m in a GSD mood

Ethos: Giving Sex Device mood?
Ethos: Good Socks Duck?
Ethos: Grab Some Dicks?

Riddles: Whatever works for you, my man
Riddles: Check this weirdness out

Ethos: Where’d you find this?

Riddles: Kotaku blogged about it

Ethos: I don’t know how I feel about these types of dedicated gaming blogs.
Ethos: I feel like it’s almost more sexist, but at the same time, the gaming community IS pretty sexist and not generally casually welcoming of women

Riddles: Yeah, I just thought it was too weird not to show you

Ethos: Hrm…yeah, I’m decidedly undecided about how I feel about that blog
Ethos: Definitely seems a lot better than the typical “tee-hee! Girls can be gamers too!” sites
Ethos: THOSE ones I hate

Riddles: Haha, me too
Riddles: though I’ve never really read one
Riddles: extensively
Riddles: I’m failing at finding any worthwhile news, btw.

Ethos: Oh yeah, I’m barely even looking
Ethos: TGS sucked SO HARD

Riddles: God, I know.
Riddles: It was an AMAZING disappointment

Ethos: Usually there’s like…ONE piece of good information
Ethos: At the very least.

Riddles: There was literally NOTHING this year.

Ethos: It’s like…FFXIV trailer…TLG trailer…GT5 release date
Ethos: Woo?

Riddles: Splinter Cell release date…

Ethos: Oh yeah?

Riddles: Not even a new FFXIII trailer
Riddles: NOT EVEN A TRAILER

Ethos: Well I’m not paying attention to FFXIII
Ethos: I’ve been doing well!

Riddles: I’m still paying attention
Riddles: If it makes you feel better, you’re probably doing the right thing
Riddles: Because some recent info kinda pissed me off
Riddles: Told a little too much about the characters and the relationships between them

Ethos: Exactly

Riddles: Hey, I have a crazy idea

Ethos: I’m open to one
Ethos: I was coming up with a crazy idea myself…

Riddles: let’s run with this conversation and make it our news roundup

Ethos: Yeah!!
Ethos: That was actually the only crazy idea I had!
Ethos: It was like…let’s have a TGS SUCKED DIRTY BALLS roundup

Riddles: Our minds… they are linked.

Ethos: linked like…sausage links
Ethos: :/
Ethos: You can ignore that

***Riddles cries
Riddles: I’m over it.

Ethos: Your last HLL covered all the news, anyway.

Riddles: It’s true.

Ethos: And like you pointed out…it all sucked.

Riddles: I was all like, ready for some serious posting
Riddles: and then I was like… “I can fit everything worthwhile and then some into a SINGLE ROUNDUP”

Ethos: And then…POW!
Ethos: A BIG GIANT WAD OF SMELLY NOTHING
Ethos: Oh…aren’t the UMD transfers not going to happen now?
Ethos: At all?
Ethos: Because of legal mumbo jumbo?
Ethos: So you’re just screwed if you wanted to “upgrade” to a Go?
Ethos: I thought I saw that on The Daily Fix
Ethos: That’s news

Riddles: In the UK, they’ll be giving away FREE GAMES with the PSP go.
Riddles: Or something like that
Riddles: In any case, I’m less interested in the Go the more I hear about it.

Ethos: Oh yeah? I’m the opposite
Ethos: But that’s also because I have no PSP at all
Ethos: And thus no investment in UMDs

Riddles: Well I mean
Riddles: I have a total of THREE psp games

Ethos: Yikes! Really?

Riddles: yeah dude. I never play my PSP
Riddles: Ever.
Riddles: It’s sad.
Riddles: I’ve beaten ONE PSP game, and that was Crisis Core.

Ethos: Well, there ARE no games for it really.
Ethos: There are GOOD games.
Ethos: Just…not many
Ethos: Plus, you’re not a hand-held guy

Riddles: Indeed not.

Ethos: But Ooo! Bozon really likes Birth By Sleep!
Ethos: And he’s pretty critical on RPGs

Riddles: NICE
Riddles: well I always figured Birth By Sleep would be good.

Ethos: “my hands-on with the game at this year’s TGS was one of the freshest and most entertaining of any game I’ve played this week. No joke. This game is looking really good. “

Riddles: I had a good feeling about that from the start

Ethos: Yeah, me too

Riddles: 358/2 days, notsomuch

Ethos: Really? I think Dumb Name will be quite good, but I agree that Birth By Sleep will blow it out of the water.
Ethos: Plus, I’m excited to play as the characters from the secret movie

Riddles: Which was AWESOME

Ethos: It WAS really badass, and I think there’s a good opportunity for mythology there.
Ethos: The Kingdom Hearts series has a deceptively large potential for depth.

Riddles: Agreed, agreed.
Riddles: I think the most interesting piece of news to come from TGS was FFVIII on PSN

Ethos: Agreed!
Ethos: So soon!
Ethos: I mean, it’s not announced for North America, yet (FFVIII), but VII sold so well, I can’t imagine that it won’t.
Ethos: And like I said on some article I wrote, it’s only interesting to me because the speed indicates that IX will come soon.

Riddles: I really need to play VIII again

Ethos: MAYBE they’re speeding it up to make way for PS2 emulation?
Ethos: So that they can sell X?

Riddles: Oooohh, yes!
Riddles: I take it you read my HLL story about Sega’s “leaked document”

Ethos: Of course.
Ethos: I read Riddlethos all the time!

Riddles: Hey, I do too!

Ethos: Because IT’S AN AWESOME SITE (tell your friends)

Riddles: It is.
Riddles: All MY friends read it
Riddles: and they don’t even LIKE videogames
Riddles: …or they tell me they read it…

Ethos: They do! Because I’m good looking.

Riddles: Exactly!
Riddles: I mean
Riddles: I am too

Ethos: Oh…yes
Ethos: …right…
Ethos: *ahem*
Ethos: …absolutely…

Riddles: But I mean, you’re almost there.
Riddles: You get the job done.
Riddles: For certain people.

Ethos: Do I ever!
Ethos: If you know what I mean.
Ethos: …I don’t even know what I mean.

Riddles: …I do… but I’m not telling you…
Riddles: HAHAHAHAHA

Ethos: DAMN YOU RIDDLES!
Ethos: You best me again!
Ethos: …for the first time

Riddles: AS ALWAY-
Riddles: what?

Ethos: Jesus Christ, TGS was so bad, it stole our sanity and logic.

Riddles: Hey, IGN liked Dead Space: Extraction!
Riddles: JOY

Ethos: They always did.
Ethos: They spoke well of it all the way through.
Ethos: But, I mean…well of it for an on-rails shooter

Riddles: It’s Bozon!
Riddles: Love that guy

Ethos: I love Bozon.
Ethos: Really do.

Riddles: 8.5 out of 10

Ethos: That’s real high for him.

Riddles: I’m excited

Ethos: Well good.
Ethos: I’M certainly not going to get it

Riddles: I loved Dead Space so much, and I’m glad Extraction (apparently) turned out to be more than a cheap Wii cash-in

Ethos: Again: as long as you’re cool with it being an on-rails shooter

Riddles: I can live with it.
Riddles: More than anything, I want to experience more of that atmosphere and storyline
Riddles: The game mechanics are almost secondary

Ethos: I might actually give the original a try.
Ethos: Turns out I’m wrong about myself with some things.
Ethos: I’m not so much of a pussy anymore, and I’m also decent at shooters.

Riddles: It’s scary as fuck, dude.
Riddles: I’m not a pussy either, but I was fucking scared
Riddles: AND IT WAS AWESOME

Ethos: Well I might give it a go.
Ethos: Maybe play it with Pogo and we can hold each other.
Ethos: Anyway, this is probaby, ironically, our longest Roundup ever.

Riddles: We’ll play when I come to Toronto in the winter

Ethos: Ooo! Will you do that?!?
Ethos: Don’t get my hopes up, Montok!

Riddles: I will!
Riddles: I promise!
Riddles: Well, I sort of promise
Riddles: HAHAH

Ethos: Bah-ha
Ethos: Passport pending

Riddles: Exactly

Ethos: It won’t be as pretty as the fall, but Toronto’s a great city no matter what
Ethos: Anyway, should we officially end this thing?
Ethos: It’s not our worst by far, we’d have to try really hard to do that, but it should probably end at some point

Riddles: And yeah, I think this’ll work out well as a roundup.

Ethos: Agreed!

Riddles: It accurately reflects the week-in-news, anyway

Ethos: Exactly!
Ethos: Oh, and we need to change the ending noise. “Splooge” has lived on long enough.
Ethos: Got another one for us?

Riddles: Hm.
Riddles: Splooge was an epiphany.
Riddles: I’m not sure I can match it.

Ethos: That’s fine. It’ll make the third one seem better than it will be.

Riddles: I’m drawing blanks here, man

Ethos: Um…ummm…
Ethos: KING TUT!
Ethos: ?

Riddles: TUTENKHAMEN

Ethos: I like it
Ethos: Done

Riddles: That was his full name :D

Ethos: Now I know!
Ethos: And now we have ending noise v2.0

Outtake of the Week:

Riddles: There is nothing better

Ethos: Except for anything Haagen Dazs

Riddles: bah
Riddles: Purity gets the job done

Ethos: Purity?
Ethos: We are BOTH not pure!

Riddles: It’s an ice cream brand
Riddles: moron
Riddles: Or does Purity Ice Cream not grace your land of Canada?

Ethos: I don’t know if we do.
Ethos: But I assumed it was.
Ethos: And I made a CLEVER PUN

Riddles: Yeah, yeah.
Riddles: You tend to do that
Riddles: or try
Riddles: really hard

Ethos: It’s a mix of both, really

News Roundup #006 – September 20, 2009

Ethos — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 21:37:04 +0000

In contrast to last week’s low-point in News Roundups, Riddles and Ethos blast through mostly ridiculous news stories until Ethos’ grammar implodes and Riddles backs away in fear.

But seriously, we don’t talk about anything that important, but at least we entertain in the process!

Ethos: Why does it feel like it’s been ages since our last Roundup?
Ethos: Maybe because I was scared of you last time.

Riddles: HAHAHAHA

Ethos: And the world SHOULD forget the last one.

Riddles: oh god
Riddles: let’s not revisit that dark corner of my mind

Ethos: DEAL!
Ethos: Let’s GRIND UP SOME NEWS!!!

Riddles: ROUND up
Riddles: ROUND up, you idiot

Ethos: No…but…it’s like…a hook
Ethos: Y’know?
Ethos: Like…it’s different every time.
Ethos: Let’s cook up some news.
Ethos: Let’s jizz out some news

Riddles: Oh.
Riddles: Damn.

Ethos: Let’s kill babies some news
Ethos: …that one doesn’t work so much
Ethos: On a few levels

Riddles: Indeed not, sir.
Riddles: Indeed not.

Ethos: Anyway, we have a lot to get to. So let’s…get to it!
Ethos: Left 4 Dead 2 Banned in Australia and Valve is unsurprisingly “disappointed”.
Ethos: Austrailia is VALIANTLY defending rabid human rights.

Riddles: Okay seriously
Riddles: who cares?
Riddles: It’s fucking Australia
Riddles: they do this shit all the time

Ethos: Our famous Australian reader might care.
Ethos: But you’re right. I don’t really.
Ethos: I think it’s funny!

Riddles: Me too!

Ethos: Let’s laugh!

Riddles: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Ethos: HA HA HA HA HA

Riddles: HAHAH
Riddles: HA

Ethos: Moving on!
Ethos: Zelda DS release date. This game is very surprisingly COMPLETELY OFF MY RADAR
Ethos: December 7th, by the by.

Riddles: I know, isn’t that funny?
Riddles: It was the same for me

Ethos: I REALLY liked Phantom Hourglass.
Ethos: Like, a lot.
Ethos: Like, more than Wind Waker.
Ethos: And this one, I never think about.

Riddles: I saw this news story and I was like “What the… I’d completely forgotten this game”

Ethos: I didn’t even see it until I was searching for news for this Roundup
Ethos: It really IS the Train mechanic, I think.

Riddles: Quite the turnoff I suppose.
Riddles: Maybe it will turn out to be brilliant?

Ethos: Well I won’t ignore reviews.
Ethos: But I AM surprised at my apathy
Ethos: But I can’t even guarantee that this will be day one.
Ethos: You have to understand that that’s very much a first for me.

Riddles: Me neither, and that’s a sad statement

Ethos: Zelda practically made me the rabid gamer that I am.
Ethos: Just wait until the next console announcement.
Ethos: It will be embarrassing for me.

Riddles: Same here.

Ethos: We’ll have a Fanboy Week

Riddles: I’m the in same camp as you, here
Riddles: I’m amazed at my own apathy

Ethos: Yup, so we’ll see how this pans out.
Ethos: Anyway, moving on?

Riddles: Yes!

Ethos: Squenix announces…wait for it…a Final Fantasy XIII NOVEL!
Ethos: …
Ethos: …
Ethos: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Ethos: …it’ll suck

Riddles: You gotta be kidding…

Ethos: I wish I was.
Ethos: Just Japanese for now
Ethos: But it’s on the web
Ethos: So we’ll get fan translations
Ethos: If not an official “release” closer to our release date.

Riddles: This kinda makes me wish I’d kept on with my Japanese studies
Riddles: As it is, I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten EVERYTHING I learned

Ethos: Me too. But if it makes you feel better, if it’s anything like the novel that came with the special edition Advent Children DVD, it’ll be absolutely terrible.
Ethos: Straight up crap.

Riddles: Well then why are we giving it airtime?

Ethos: Because it’s very funny.

Riddles: Moving on?

Ethos: YES!
Ethos: PS3 gets Fallout 3 DLC dated. Approximately 893724 years after 360.
Ethos: Will also include a optimization patch of sorts since the PS3 version runs slightly worse.

Riddles: Nobody in the entire world is going to care about this.
Riddles: I’m sorry.

Ethos: Much too late.

Riddles: Too LITTLE, too late.
Riddles: The PS3 version was fast labeled the buggy, piece-of-crap version.
Riddles: And hasn’t received any support since then.
Riddles: So yeah, nobody is going to care about this.

Ethos: Ultimately it’s just a little laughable.
Ethos: It’s the COMEDY roundup

Riddles: HAHAHAHA
Riddles: See, I laughed!

Ethos: Yes!
Ethos: You did!
Ethos: SUCCESS!
Ethos: But, in news that involves a GOOD transfer over to the PS3
Ethos: Star Ocean 4 to PS3!
Ethos: Better version!
Ethos: Just like Eternal Sonata and Tales of Vesperia (although the latter isn’t confirmed for NA)

Riddles: I’ve still never played Star Ocean so I don’t care that much.
Riddles: Still, it’d be nice to see it.

Ethos: Y’know, me neither, but I always had my eye on this.
Ethos: I’m obviously waiting now

Riddles: I like it when 360 exclusives are stolen
Riddles: It makes me happy for some reason

Ethos: Meh, as long as I get an awesome version of a game, I don’t care.
Ethos: The game only got “meh”ish reviews.
Ethos: Like “it’s pretty good” style
Ethos: But for some reason, I’m quite interested.

Riddles: I’m not.

Ethos: I’m attracted mediocrity!
Ethos: …Riddles.

Riddles: …
Riddles: what?

Ethos: *I’m attracted TO mediocritiy
Ethos: jglejgal
Ethos: Typos
Ethos: Meaning
Ethos: you..
Ethos: you.
Ethos: You’re lame

Riddles: You’re drunk.

Ethos: I WISH!
Ethos: Also, I’m out of news.
Ethos: But everybody loves Uncharted 2
Ethos: WEEKS before it comes out, though, so I have to hide away my hype again.
Ethos: Also, Scribblenauts is apparently the shit.
Ethos: Also, ODST looks good.
Ethos: Also…also…also
Ethos: I’m done

Riddles: Meh
Riddles: Well damn
Riddles: Peter out much?

Ethos: You can just go back to your Marvel Ultimate Alliance then, asshole!
Ethos: The DEFINITION of “meh”

Riddles: WHAT?
Riddles: You don’t like Ultimate Alliance?

Ethos: Everybody agrees, it’s more of the same.
Ethos: No, it’s mindless fun.
Ethos: So I DO like it.
Ethos: I’ll go over to abe80’s house and crank out an hour or two before getting bored and doing something else
Ethos: Anyway, let’s end this Roundup before it melts into poisonous goo

Riddles: okay

Ethos: …soooo…..

Riddles: OH!
Riddles: Sorry!
Riddles: SPLEWJ

Outtake of the Week:

***Ethos sex

Riddles: ethos sex?

Ethos: Yup!

Riddles: THE BEST SEX EVAR?

Ethos: It’s indicative of how this roundup will go!
Ethos: Awesome, and grammatically confused!

News Roundup #005 – September 14, 2009

Ethos — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 06:21:30 +0000

So here it is. Late. Late and short.

Was it worth the wait?
No. No it wasn’t.

But hey, to follow-up talk of Nate Liles last week, we have a quote from the immortal Lusipurr!
How’s that for a pitch?

Riddles: I hate my life
Riddles: Let’s roundup

Ethos: Best start ever

Riddles: The PS3 Slim has sold a shit ton
Riddles: Sales up “300 percent”

Ethos: And, as we ALL know
Ethos: That this means
Ethos: If you still play the 360
Ethos: Or the Wii
Ethos: You MUST kill theirself
Ethos: AND…the ONLY way to prevent killing youself
Ethos: If you MUST play the PS3
Ethos: Goddammit, I STILL crack up because of that quote.

Riddles: It’s a beaut.
Riddles: Don’t you love me for finding it?

Ethos: I do.
Ethos: I really, really do.
Ethos: It’s why I called it your Hey! Look! Listen renaissance

Riddles: Baha.

Ethos: He’s become a celebrity on Riddlethos
Ethos: So thank you Riddles.
Ethos: Thank you with all my heart

Riddles: No problem.
Riddles: Anyway

Ethos: Next?

Riddles: Sure.

Ethos: Since nothing can follow up PS3FTW

Riddles: WTF? a Wii price drop?
Riddles: Pinch me, Ethos

Ethos: I didn’t even know of this!

Riddles: Oh?

Ethos: It’s a surprise since Nintendo’s always like “FUCK YOU, THE WII IS CHEAP!”
Ethos: When they MUST be making $240 on each console

Riddles: Well, it isn’t OFFICIALLY official at this point
Riddles: a walmart ad isn’t a guarantee
Riddles: but it’s a good indication

Ethos: I’d say.
Ethos: And Nintendo can’t be COMPLETELY oblivious to the success Sony has had with this cut

Riddles: nor to the fact that the competition is getting UNCOMFORTABLY close to that $250 price point that Nintendo is so proud of.

Ethos: Yeah, exactly
Ethos: WOW it’s way overpriced
Ethos: Especially considering the PS2 is $99
Ethos: What a rip-off
Ethos: I love the good games for the Wii, but oftentimes I want to punch Nintendo in the gut

Riddles: Agreed.
Riddles: Honestly, though
Riddles: I wonder how much of an effect this will actually have

Ethos: True

Riddles: I mean, doesn’t everyone and their grandmothers have one by now?

Ethos: I think the casuals are over it
Ethos: And the Hardcore was over it ages ago
Ethos: I’ll get the New Super Mario Bros for Wii
Ethos: And it’ll be the ONLY Wii game I buy all year
Ethos: (I borrowed the Prime Trilogy)

Riddles: Baha

Ethos: And I’ve bought close to 20 HD games
Ethos: Not including PSN and XBLA
Ethos: Anyway, Nintendo makes me angry.
Ethos: Moving on!

Riddles: Right so!
Riddles: Um
Riddles: More about this Guitar Hero 5 shit

Ethos: Bah-ha ha ha
Ethos: It’s hilarious
Ethos: I doubt it’ll earn you such great HLL meat as Jack did for your Currents
Ethos: But still

Riddles: Heheh
Riddles: The letter that Love’s attorney wrote is… amusing
Riddles: It basically says that Courtney Love agreed to allow Kurt’s likeness to be used, but at the same time she… didn’t.

Ethos: Yeah, you can sense his embarrassment

Riddles: THe other two band members made a statement as well
Riddles: Which, unsurprisingly, is far more coherent.
Riddles: Basically, their problem is that you can use his character model to play other songs.
Riddles: Which I can kinda understand, but… still.

Ethos: Right.
Ethos: GET OVER IT.

Riddles: Exactly.

Ethos: Maybe if Nirvana was a good band.
Ethos: And even if they were.
Ethos: Seriously
Ethos: I wouldn’t care if John Lennon sang Blink 182, and I fucking hate Blink

Riddles: Haha
Riddles: Well I don’t hate Nirvana
Riddles: But they ARE incredibly overrated

Ethos: We can agree there.

Riddles: Same with Blink, methinks

Ethos: Oh god yes
Ethos: Moreso
Ethos: I’d take Nirvana over Blink anyday
Ethos: And I wouldn’t take Nirvana over much

Riddles: Love is such a fucking snake in the grass.

Ethos: I’m surprised she’s still kicking around

Riddles: Or rather, “Mrs. Cobain”
Riddles: Because now all of a sudden she’s MRS FUCKING COBAIN
Riddles: Bullshit

Ethos: Ugh

Riddles: She smelled drug money when Activision approached her initally, and she smells MORE now that a lawsuit is possible.

Ethos: Moving on?
Ethos: doesn’t deserve the attention

Riddles: SO TRUE
Riddles: Moral of the story: Nirvana wasn’t that great anyway

Ethos: Woo!
Ethos: NEXT

Riddles: Got anything? Because I don’t.

Ethos: Oh
Ethos: Um…
Ethos: No I really don’t.
Ethos: But there’s nothing wrong with a short Roundup
Ethos: Especially considering the beautiful bullshit we put out last week

Riddles: True.

Ethos: So…um…
Ethos: tiny splooge?
Ethos: Bueller?

Riddles: splooge

Outtake of the Week:

Ethos: It’s like I wrote the script

Riddles: Yeah but you didn’t

Ethos: Don’t be pouring your vaginal blood all over me! I’m in a GOOD mood!
Ethos: Although nothing from FF9 compares to…
Ethos: “Lusipurr’s Talking to Animals in the Crosswalk”
Ethos: A Lusipurrian Animal Crossing
Ethos: Here’s a prime quotation:
Ethos: “I know I told you to bring me apples, but I have changed my mind. I want pears instead. Also, I fucked your sister in the barn whilst you were picking these up.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Riddles: …
Riddles: huh?

News Roundup #004 – September 5, 2009

Ethos — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 22:27:30 +0000

See what happens when a slow news week hits? Ethos goes crazy, Riddles starts crying, and the pair even bursts into song! Aside from that, Okami, OnLive, The God of War Collection and boobs are talked about.

What more could you want? Nate Liles?

Oh yes! Nate Liles is talked about!
NATE LILES!

Ethos: Alright, let’s…PORNO SOME NEWS!

Riddles: …
Riddles: whut?

Ethos: I dunno…I needed a verb.
Ethos: So I verbed porno

Riddles: Makes no damned sense.
Riddles: Anyway

Ethos: Verbing weirds language

Riddles: STOP DOING THAT
Riddles: ANYWAY
Riddles: God of War is -

Ethos: It’s Calvin and Hobbes!

Riddles: I love Calvin and Hobbes

Ethos: So! Then! You should have recognized the famous “verbing weirds language”!

Riddles: Vaguely.

Ethos: Worth it to look

Riddles: I looked.
Riddles: And, as interesting as Calvin and Hobbes is
Riddles: It pales in comparison the Sony’s recent announcement that God of War I + II are being ported to Blu-Ray

Ethos: Ob-la-Di, Ob-La-Da just came on!
Ethos: How does that make it on the list of interesting?
Ethos: Life goes on, BRA!
Ethos: Bah-ha ha ha ha, what a ridiculous song

***Riddles cries
Riddles: My partner is a moron.

Ethos: Fine, how’s this?
Ethos: GOD OF WAR IS GOING TO BE A COLLECTION?!?!?!
Ethos: WOWZ!
Ethos: I want a link to that news

Riddles: Have a link to an in-depth Q&A from IGN instead.

Ethos: Ooo!
Ethos: One step ahead

Riddles: Any questions you might have are ANSWERED

Ethos: What about my question of “is popcorn cheese?”

Riddles: The ridiculously hard parts WILL be left intact

Ethos: I don’t think that question is answered in that Q&A

Riddles: Text will be swapped out
Riddles: Blahblahblah

Ethos: You are ignoring me

Riddles: I am.
Riddles: I admit it.

Ethos: WHAT ABOUT THE VERY IMPORTANT POPCORN CHEESE?!?!?!

Riddles: You’re going to make me cry again

Ethos: I apologize.
Ethos: I really do.
Ethos: But I’ve been laughing this whole time.
Ethos: Once I start, it’s hard to stop.
Ethos: I imagine I’ll calm down after this song ends

Riddles: If I give you a swift blow to the gut, you’d likely stop abruptly

Ethos: …You’re sounding strangely like Shawn Cooper…

Riddles: …
Riddles: oh God
Riddles: MOVING ON

Ethos: This is the most terrifying horror story ever told…
Ethos: When Riddles gets Luispurr’d!

***Riddles sobs

Ethos: The ironic part is that it’s actually a very sad song that came on after
Ethos: But I’m still laughing

Riddles: You’re a sick fuck.

Ethos: I might just be, yes. NEXT

Riddles: The Playstation Network gets its own reality show, “The Tester”.

Ethos: Ooo!
Ethos: Yes
Ethos: Thank Abe80 for this

Riddles: No, thank Kotaku
Riddles: ’cause that’s where I got the article
Riddles: BAHAHA

Ethos: But I called you with the info!

Riddles: We don’t give credit to readers, ever
Riddles: They are worthless, pitiful peons

Ethos: Good point.
Ethos: FUCK YOU, CHARLES
Ethos: Not our web designer
Ethos: The other one

Riddles: Right so.
Riddles: In any case, NEITHER of us can be “the tester”

Ethos: You can’t be?!?

Riddles: Nope.

Ethos: Why not? It was going to be epic.
Ethos: Do you need to be 21?

Riddles: Bingo!

Ethos: Oh man
Ethos: COMBINED we can enter.

Riddles: HAHAHA
Riddles: Enter as Riddlethos
Riddles: see if they buy that

Ethos: …maybe we should…

Riddles: That would be great.

Ethos: I’m totally going to do that.
Ethos: Keep posted, readers!
Ethos: And if you want to know what we’re talking about, read the article on Kotaku

Riddles: For realz.

Ethos: NEXT

Riddles: Remember OnLive?

Ethos: No.

Riddles: Lucky man.

Ethos: I swear to instantly forget all things stupid and dumb
Ethos: And it works!

Riddles: I wish I could do that.

Ethos: Wait, sorry, who are you?
Ethos: GET IT?!?!?!

Riddles: HAHAHAHAHA
Riddles: See, I was about to make a SIMILAR joke at YOUR expense
Riddles: BUT YOU BEAT ME TO IT
Riddles: Douche.

Ethos: And it wouldn’t have worked.
Ethos: Since you remember OnLive
Ethos: and therefore obviously remember stupid and dumb things

***Riddles sighs
Riddles: ANYWAY
Riddles: The online beta is being rolled out soon
Riddles: So go enter it
Riddles: and tell us what it’s like

Ethos: Even if it works exactly how it’s supposed to, I still think it’s stupid.
Ethos: Especially considering my recent shitty internet experience.

Riddles: What recent shitty internet experience?

Ethos: Don’t you remember?
Ethos: When my internet was crapping out

Riddles: Ohh, that
Riddles: I thought you might have a more epic tale in store for us.

Ethos: Nah
Ethos: I could make one up?

Riddles: Later
Riddles: For now we must talk about CONTROLLABLE BEWBS
Riddles: In Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2, which I was likely going to buy anyway

Ethos: Were you?
Ethos: I wasn’t.

Riddles: You can control scythe-lady’s bewbs with the sixaxis motion controls.

Ethos: Since I’m such a sad, desperate man for breasts, maybe I will buy it now…

Riddles: Hey, Ninja Gaiden is fun.
Riddles: Grab the first Ninja Gaiden Sigma for PS3

Ethos: It’s fun for people who are good at games.
Ethos: I’ve played it.
Ethos: I suck at it.
Ethos: Therefore I hate it.
Ethos: It’s how it works
Ethos: When you’re good at Ninja Gaiden, you love it.
Ethos: You suck at it, you hate it

Riddles: I might have guessed.
Riddles: You put the pussy in pussytastic, y’know that?

Ethos: :D! You’re taking my sayings!
Ethos: I…I’m touched.
Ethos: As Nate Liles would say…I have a boner

Riddles: It was meant to cut ALL THE DEEPER since it’s one of your common phrases

Ethos: Nope, just made me happy
Ethos: Plus, it’s true
Ethos: In EVERY sense of the word

Riddles: As Nate Liles would say, you’re disgusting.
Riddles: I’m so disgusted right now
Riddles: You make me sick
Riddles: /nateliles

Ethos: I miss Nate.

Riddles: Who doesn’t?

Ethos: Good point.
Ethos: I’m sure Nate Liles even misses Nate Liles

Riddles: I say we surprise visit him

Ethos: YEAHYEAH!

Riddles: Just randomly show up in MI and not tell him
Riddles: Find his house

Ethos: I know where he lives!
Ethos: Unlike Lusipurr

Riddles: HAHAHA, that’s right, he showed us his house

Ethos: CAUTION POLICE LINE YOU BETTER NOT CROSS

Riddles: IS THE COP OR AM I THE ONE WHO’S REALLY DANGEROUS?!

Ethos: Alrightalright
Ethos: We are more than off course
Ethos: Next?

Riddles: Uh
Riddles: Okamiden is being made.
Riddles: The end.

Ethos: I don’t know if I’m excited.
Ethos: I was never completely sold on the original

Riddles: I never played the original!
Riddles: My brothers did
Riddles: They liked it but they weren’t enthralled.

Ethos: Yeah, that’s what I’d say.
Ethos: But that baby little guy…
Ethos: That’s the cutest thing ever made

Riddles: Feh.
Riddles: Anyway, I think that’s about all I’ve got for this week.

Ethos: That’s fine, we talked about nonsense WAY more than enough to make up for our lack of content.
Ethos: So to replace the usual splooge ending noise
Ethos: I bring you

Riddles: oh god…

Ethos: OH GOD I’M JIZZING EVERYWHERE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THE PRESSURE IS SHOOTING ME ACROSS THE ROOM!!!!!

Riddles: …

Ethos: How’s that?

Riddles: …
Riddles: No.
Riddles: No.
Riddles: And no.
Riddles: In that order.

Ethos: I kinda liked it
Ethos: I think it sums up how this Roundup went

Riddles: Off the road, down a hill, and into a pile of manure?
Riddles: And then it ’sploded?

Ethos: You got it!

Riddles: YES

Ethos: Okay, give us the official sound so I can go cry myself to death

Riddles: okay…
Riddles: um
Riddles: SPLOOGE

Outtake of the Week:

Ethos: …that…is the best roundup we’ve ever done

News Roundup #003

Ethos — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 01:18:01 +0000

The Roundup is back! Things get heated this time as Ethos hits one of Riddles’ sore spots and the fanboy claws come out on both sides.

Apart from lovers quarrels, Riddles and Ethos discuss release dates for various forms of Final Fantasy, a potential sequel to Okami, and perhaps the dumbest world record to ever hit the gaming world.

Dive in, enjoy, and don’t forget to comment afterward.

Riddles: Okay, let’s do this, and then I have some srs gaming to get done
Riddles: Dissida and Shadow and ICO, oh my!
Riddles: WHERE DO ALL THE HOURS IN A DAY GO

Ethos: I don’t know. I’ve been up for almost 7 of them

Riddles: Yeah, yeah. I can’t do that

Ethos: I didn’t think I could.
Ethos: Then…TADA
Ethos: Alrightalrightalright
Ethos: Okami 2? WHY?!

Riddles: Why not?

Ethos: I mean. I liked what I played of Okami
Ethos: But the game failed on two consoles

Riddles: Well true
Riddles: But there are quite a few fans who definitely don’t care about the fact that it failed

Ethos: Oh sure.
Ethos: And I’ll probably follow the game.
Ethos: But it just seems like a stupid business move.
Ethos: Skies of Arcadia did better (I think), so WHY DON’T WE SEE THAT?!

***Riddles shrugs

Ethos: You WOULD shrug.
Ethos: Asshat.
Ethos: Play the fucking game.

Riddles: Not the same amount of critical acclaim?

Ethos: What are you talking about? People loved that shit.

Riddles: Yeah, but Okami won GOTY awards.
Riddles: From your very own IGN, might I add

Ethos: Good point
Ethos: I remember.
Ethos: Still…
Ethos: VC failed, so bring back SoA
Ethos: Is the real point.

Riddles: VC?

Ethos: Yeah, Valkyria Chronicles

Riddles: …
Riddles: Get off
Riddles: of
Riddles: my
Riddles: internet

Ethos: It DID fail, buddy.
Ethos: Nobody bought that shit.

Riddles: IT DIDN’T DESERVE IT
Riddles: IT DESERVED MORE
Riddles: MORE, I SAY

Ethos: Sure.
Ethos: Doesn’t mean it didn’t fail.

Riddles: TO SPEAK THE NAME OF VALKYRIA CHRONICLES IN THE SAME BREATH OF SKIES OF WHO-THE-FUCK CARES IS BLASPHEMY

Ethos: Yeah yeah, you haven’t played Skies.
Ethos: Valkyria Chronicles. Skies of Arcadia. Same sentence.
Ethos: I like Skies better.
Ethos: Mostly because I haven’t played VC.
Ethos: Still.
Ethos: I can play it now that I have the system. And I want to. But making you angry is more fun.

Riddles: You really are a cock
Riddles: Like… for real
Riddles: And I hate you a lot.
Riddles: MOVING ON

***Ethos smiles sweetly
Ethos: Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles “proper” is now dated in Japan.
Ethos: Not another DS port, not a WiiWare title, but the one we’ve seen since launch.
Ethos: And it’s speculated to come out this year in NA too.

Riddles: This is so weird.
Riddles: We don’t hear anything about the game in literally years and BAM
Riddles: Dated in Japan, and on its way to NA in the same year??

Ethos: I know, right?
Ethos: Well, we had a few screens.
Ethos: And confirmations that it existed.
Ethos: But, yeah, it DOES seem sudden.

Riddles: I bet we DON’T see it in NA, though

Ethos: I’ve got my eye on it, but FF:CC has never amazed me.

Riddles: I’ve never played a single CC game, and have no desire to do so.

Ethos: So we should move on, then.

Riddles: NEXT

Ethos: MORE FINAL FANTASY RELEASE DATE NEWS…Except this news is even stupider.
Ethos: More “we’ll announce the Japan release date in a week…MAYBE!”

Riddles: This is pretty standard for Squenix
Riddles: They love to do this

Ethos: I know
Ethos: Hype machine

Riddles: Announce announcements
Riddles: So I’m not surprised, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this turned out to be true.

Ethos: Which is why FF:CC was weird.

Riddles: EXACTLY why the CC thing was so weird

Ethos: But I’m SO trying not to care.
Ethos: I’ll explode with hype.

Riddles: You care and you know it.

Ethos: Well of course I do, that’s the point.

Riddles: Plus, Squenix always has some exclusive event in a year, don’t they?
Riddles: Last year it was that DK7329483 whatever-the-hell it was

Ethos: You mean one event per year.
Ethos: I thought you meant the event would be IN a year.
Ethos: And I was all like “Erm…Riddles…FFXIII will likely be OUT then”

Riddles: Bah, that’s why I pay you to edit this shit

Ethos: Oh no, I’m keeping that in.

Riddles: WHY DO I PAY YOU
Riddles: Oh wait
Riddles: I don’t
Riddles: Bahahaha

Ethos: Zing
Ethos: It will be especially tough to not pay attention to this FFXIII event since I…y’know…run a video games website.

Riddles: Exactly, so get THAT ridiculous notion out of your head

Ethos: But if you’re reading Macstorm: I’M TRYING!!!

Riddles: Macstorm?
Riddles: Michael Cunningham?

Ethos: Yup
Ethos: We’re buddies in this.

Riddles: He’s reading?

Ethos: Well I don’t know.
Ethos: Maybe not.
***Ethos cries
Ethos: Um…next?

Riddles: Next indeed

Ethos: Bozon seems to like Kingdom Hearts: Dumb Name for the DS!

Riddles: Yay

Ethos: He’s worked there 4 years and has never given out a score higher than 9.
Ethos: And has only given out three of those, I think.
Ethos: So I trust the dude.
Ethos: Faithful reader, SiliconNoob imported it and expressed a bit of concern.
Ethos: But according to Bozon, it sounds like the beginning is super boring and tutorial to the max, but then gets much better.
Ethos: I know it’s not really news, but I’m a Kingdom Hearts fanboy, so I wanted that in.
Ethos: Anything to add to that?

Riddles: Not really
Riddles: I still think it’ll be crap
Riddles: but I’m the eternal pessimist

Ethos: Yes! And you’re finally acting the part.
Ethos: Do you have a DS? I forget.
Ethos: I always feel like you don’t.

Riddles: Of course I have a DS, you idiot
Riddles: I have EVERYTHING

Ethos: Do you?

Riddles: I do.

Ethos: Do you REALLY?

Riddles: Really really.

Ethos: Everything?
Ethos: You have riches?
Ethos: Love?
Ethos: Success?
Ethos: An elephant?
Ethos: I DIDN’T THINK SO

Riddles: Well Iunno about love, but yes to everything else.
Riddles: Oh, and no elephant either

Ethos: Then, by definition, “everything” is inaccurate!
Ethos: Anyway, I’m in a weird mood. This is what happens when I wake up at 6:30 and only have coffee and Starbucks pastries

Riddles: I’m drinking orange juice and eating little powdered donuts!

Ethos: Ooo!

Riddles: They are delish

Ethos: gimme!

***Riddles hands Ethos a donut

Ethos: THANKS BUDDY!
Ethos: OM-NOM NOM NOM NOM

Riddles: You’re so cute
Riddles: MOVING ON

Ethos: NEXT
Ethos: Oh this next story is awesome
Ethos: Arkham Asylum sets world record for being good. – bah-ha ha ha ha ha ha

Riddles: I knew you’d like that
Riddles: Gawd I want that game!

Ethos: Yeah, me too. I’ll probably get it.

Riddles: But I decided Dissidia first

Ethos: I would do the same.
Ethos: IF I had a PSP.
Ethos: Which I, unfortunately, don’t.

Riddles: Sad.
Riddles: Sad, sad man

Ethos: I, unlike you, do not have everything.

Riddles: But anyway, Arkham Asylum is receiving universal renown, and that makes me happy
Riddles: It also somewhat surprises me
Riddles: I figured it’d be decent, but not amazing

Ethos: Yeah, at worst it seems like a lot of fun.

Riddles: …aaaanyway
Riddles: QUICKIE:
Riddles: Microsoft confirmed the price drop on the Elite 360, and the discontinuation of the Pro model

Ethos: Woo!
Ethos: We all knew it.

Riddles: Yep

Ethos: It was quiet because, like I said in the comments, to advertise it is to show that it’s a worse deal than the PS3

Riddles: That is true.
Riddles: I hadn’t thought of that before your comment

Ethos: Because, Riddles, I am a genius.

Riddles: In your own mind, Ethos
Riddles: Or whatever approximation of a “mind” you have

Ethos: Bah-ha ha, you are JEALOUS of that approximation

***Riddles sighs

Ethos: Anyhoov, on that note. Gimme that beautiful ending noise!

Riddles: SPA-LOOGE

Outtake of the Week:

Ethos: He’s actually a Xenosaga fan
Ethos: And lent me about 893292 soundtracks when I picked up my PS3 from him

Riddles: Any chance he could loan you a copy of the first game?
Riddles: Or anyone could?
Riddles: I think it’d be great if you could spend a little time with the series for the Xenosaga week

Ethos: I have the first gam…
Ethos: Oh wait
Ethos: David has it
Ethos: …in Montreal
Ethos: With ALL my PS2 games
Ethos: I found out.

Riddles: Wow you’re dumb

News Roundup #002

Ethos — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 05:14:11 +0000

Well, seeing as how we didn’t get booed off the stage last time we did this, we decided to go ahead and do another. Let’s see how long we can keep this up!

No, seriously, it’s a weekly feature. It would likely continue even if we did get booed off our virtual stage, because we can do whatever we want. So HA.

Anyway. This week is fairly light on the news items, composed mostly of the more relevant GamesCom announcements. However, it’s heavy on sagacity, wit, and and inappropriate humor. What more do you need?

Ethos: So….
Ethos: LET’S SOUP UP SOME NEWS!
Ethos: …?

Riddles: …works for me.

Ethos: A’ight! Hit me

Riddles: Okay!
Riddles: Uh
Riddles: Piss
Riddles: I don’t have a link for the first one, but as we ALL know, the PS3 Slim was (finally) officially confirmed at GamesCom 2009

Ethos: Yes, no link necessary.
Ethos: Apparently Penny Arcade had some pretentious rant about it just being Sony admitting that they’re sucking, and that it’s not really exciting.
Ethos: Y’know, for as much as I respect their intellect, humour, and artistry, those mother fuckers really piss me off sometimes
Ethos: So many times their rants make me want to slap them upside the head.
Ethos: They talk in the superlative just to tout their vocabulary

Riddles: …
Riddles: : Giving gamers a slimmer, more well-designed system at a cheaper price is them “admitting they suck?”

Ethos: Yeah, apparently
Ethos: Although they do it EVERY TIME
Ethos: There is always a slim Playstation

Riddles: PA is still (obviously) clinging to the Sony hatred that was so popular in the gaming world about… oh, two years ago

Ethos: Yes, Sony knows it’s in 3rd
Ethos: So it finally made an announcement that, yes, everybody wanted.
Ethos: But finally listening to fans about a good decision isn’t something to hide your tail about.
Ethos: I’m extremely excited about this announcement.

Riddles: As am I. And lucky us, according to GameStop, it appears we’ll be getting it even earlier than expected.
Riddles: Their website is listing the shipping date as August 25

Ethos: Yes! My friend who works at Future Shop suggested they’d have it in on the 26th

Riddles: Awesome news, because I want one ASAP

Ethos: Well, does that mean they’ll be selling it then?

Riddles: I’d say so. Kotaku contacted sony, and they said Sept. 1 isn’t an “official street date”

Ethos: Oh nice!

Riddles: Which means retailers can pretty much sell it whenever

Ethos: I might have a PS3 next week then!
Ethos: Woo!!
Ethos: I’ve practically had one recently anyway
Ethos: As I’m never going to hold back from telling you.

Riddles: I know.
Riddles: Douche bag

Ethos: Fat Princess, InFamous, Uncharted, I’ve played them all more than you.
Ethos: Beating the story mode on all three.

***Riddles cries

Ethos: :D

Riddles: BAH
Riddles: MOVING ON

Ethos: NEXT

Riddles: Fable III!
Riddles: I don’t really care, but a lot of other people do!

Ethos: Well we all knew it was coming.
Ethos: And I haven’t read too many details, but it sounds a little bizarre.
Ethos: I’m really liking Fable II, but it’s not an amazing game.

Riddles: Well this time around you’re fighting to become King of Albion, not just a hero

Ethos: Yeah, there’s still combat, but it sounds like it’s going to be a lot more annoying “winning people over” stuff.

Riddles: You’ll play as either a son or daughter of the hero from Fable III
Riddles: Which brings to mind
Riddles: Didn’t you play as a lesbian?

Ethos: I am a lesbian in that game, yes.
Ethos: With a really horny wife.

Riddles: How the hell are you supposed to have a daughter? I guess you can’t play Fable III, then

Ethos: Well I can still bang a dude if I want.
Ethos: I’m already cheating on my wife all the time.
Ethos: Usually with other women, but whatever.

Riddles: Bahaha
Riddles: Anyhow, it’s scheduled for 2010, but likely a late 2010

Ethos: Yeah, that’s a game I’m not going to have my eye on.
Ethos: I’ll read reviews when it comes out, and maybe pick it up used later.

***Riddles nods
Riddles: I’ll be caring even less, since I’ve never played the first two

Ethos: Yup. And I’ll never play the first one. No desire.
Ethos: I’ll likely beat II because, like I said, I do quite like it. But I’m in no rush.
Ethos: Anyway, don’t make me post another South Park dead horse pic.

Riddles: GAH
Riddles: NEXT
Riddles: Aaaand Final Fantasy XIII is moving right along, according to producer Yoshinori Kitase
Riddles: The Xbox 360 version (aka the North American release) is 70 percent complete!
Riddles: The Japanese version of the game is 90% complete, meaning it will more than likely meet its Winter 2009 promise

Ethos: Ooo!
Ethos: It’s too close.
Ethos: This is where my fanboy hype-crazy side explodes

Riddles: So I guess we really CAN look forward to FFXIII in… June? July?
Riddles: EARLIER??

Ethos: It’s just always been so far off in the distance that a spring 2010 release actually seems like tomorrow

Riddles: I know, right
Riddles: They even have the English voice work done

Ethos: I know!

Riddles: I was amazed to hear that

Ethos: Well that’s just one step
Ethos: SO much syncing to be done

Riddles: True.
Riddles:Also of note is that they’re ballparking 3 discs for the 360 version.
Riddles:But, uh…

Ethos: Yeaaahhh…that concerns me a bit.

Riddles: seeing as how Lost Odyssey took up 4, I’m a bit skeptical

Ethos: They’re “compressing as much as possible while keeping it high quality” or something
Ethos: Well they probably ARE better at compressing now, but still.

Riddles: Yeah, that just sounds like trouble.

Ethos: I can’t imagine FFXIII won’t be massive. I was expecting 5 discs

Riddles: Of no consequence to me, though, since I’ll be buying the PS3 version

Ethos: Oh me too
Ethos: That’s my primary version.
Ethos: But don’t put it past my achievement whore self to own both versions.
Ethos: Although I am warming up to trophie

Riddles: Haha
Riddles: Yeah, my collectors side might force me to buy ‘em both

Ethos: Except I can’t get them for Folklore! Which I got for my birthday.

Riddles: And duh, Folklore is like what, three years old?
Riddles: Of course it doesn’t have trophys

Ethos: Doesn’t mean it’s not stupid.
Ethos: MGS4 trophies a possibility though. Might make me get that game. I had a LOT of fun playing what I did.

Riddles: You kinda need to play the first three…
Riddles: Not that I speak from experience

Ethos: So I hear.
Ethos: But I’ve already played 4, so suck it.

Riddles: Well you’re stoopid

Ethos: This, I know.

Riddles: Sooo QUICKIE to finish us off

Ethos: The story of my life.

Riddles: …
Riddles: quiet, you
Riddles: Persona 3 is being re-released again, this time on the PSP
Riddles: You can choose to play as either a dude or a chick this time

Ethos: Woo
Ethos: (that was without enthusiasm)
Ethos: Although I do like playing as chicks

Riddles: It will also implement some of the changes that made Persona 4 such an improved gameplay experience
Riddles: i.e, full control over party members
Riddles: SO
Riddles: This is a definite maybe for me, but nothing more
Riddles: Persona 3 is, after all, one of my favorite RPGs of all time, so I can’t just write it off.

Ethos: Well once I get my PSP, I’ll think about it.
Ethos: Hopefully Dissidia and P3 are available from the get-go for the GO
Ethos: Because that’s what I want.

Riddles: And… yeah. Anything else on your mind, sweetums?

Ethos: Nope! I’m spent!
Ethos: So hit us with the ending noise, sexpants!

Riddles: SPLOOGE?

Ethos: Yessssssss

Riddles: Bahaha

Outtake of the Week:
Riddles: Unless you’re in a hurry, I’d love to shit and smoke
Ethos: Do it up!

News Roundup #001

Riddles — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 09:28:26 +0000

So, here it is finally. Our long-promised News Roundup feature, which is essentially me and my cohort Ethos having an IM conversation about whatever piqued our interest in the videogame industry over the last week. The goal is to be novel, funny and informative, but if you find it dry, long-winded and superfluous, that works as well.

DO enjoy.

Riddles: So what stories do you have?

Ethos: That’s how we’re going to start?
Ethos: C’mon, man!
Ethos: This is it!
Ethos: This is the premiere!
Ethos: This is the FIRST!!!111
Ethos: We gotta epic the shit out of this.

Riddles: No, no, no
Riddles: I don’t think me being in the dark and you introducing everything is a good idea.

Ethos: Fine
Ethos: I’ll give you the low down

Riddles: Gewd

Ethos: But I’ll likely keep that intro in
Ethos: Because it was sweet
*time passes*
Ethos: Alright…
Ethos: LET’S GET TO THE NEWS!!
Ethos: Or some sort of appropriate intro

Riddles: Let us delve into the NEWS!

Ethos: I can dig it.
Ethos:“Hype” websites are dumb. I don’t care about this announcement until it happens, if even then.

Riddles: And this one weirds me out
Riddles: Seriously, uh…
Riddles: Che Guevara?
Riddles: For realz?

Ethos: Yeah, it’s really stupid
Ethos: More stupid than countdowns to countdowns
Ethos: It’s just SO GIMMICK
Ethos: Blatant hype

Riddles: I’d like to know how Che Guevara shirts gained any popularity in the first place.

Ethos: I really don’t know
Ethos: I was never a cool kid
Ethos: I was Jesus of the Geeks

Riddles: YOU were never a cool kid?
Riddles: What the hell does that say about ME?

Ethos: You were the one in the corner that everybody assumed would murder someone someday.

Riddles: ***Riddles sobs
Riddles: And they were right…

Ethos: Alright, exhausted that piece of shit story

Riddles: Indeed

Ethos: Elite replacing the Pro, including price?!
Ethos: You talked about this
Ethos: But that’s why this is a ROUNDUP

Riddles: TRUTH
Riddles: Smart decision on the part of Microsft.

Ethos: I agree with you, but it seems like a SUSPICIOUSLY good move.
Ethos: I’m really waiting for the other foot to drop
Ethos: Like, “this is awesome, but you’ll have to install an update that’ll Red Ring your 360″

Riddles: Well
Riddles: Um
Riddles: It’s not THAT awesome
Riddles: It’s just a smart move
Riddles: The fewer SKUs floating around, the better
Riddles: There’s a line between giving the consumer selection, and confusing the hell out of them.

Ethos: Agreed there.
Ethos: It’s sad that even though I follow the industry VERY closely, I STILL have no idea which PS3s are available.

Riddles: Heh, my point exactly.

Ethos: It’s also sad that even a small smart move by Microsoft has me that suspicious.
Ethos: Especially coming from the Super Optimist.

Riddles: Yeah, wtf

Riddles: I’m the one who’s supposed to be all like, “well that’s kinda cool but the world will probably end tomorrow.”

Ethos: Ba-ha ha
Ethos: I’m actually a pretty ridiculous mix of both.
Ethos: I was Super Optimist ONLY over at Lusipurr.com because SOMEBODY had to be.

Riddles: True
Riddles: Somebody has to be the punching bag.

Ethos: Oh well, I can let ALL my colours show now
Ethos: Including the cynical ones
Ethos: Let them SHOW LIKE A RAINBOW

Riddles: …
Riddles: No.
Riddles: You had to say “like a rainbow,” didn’t you?

Ethos: I did.

Ethos: I did have to.

Riddles: Of course you did.

Ethos: Anyway, we’re WAY off track.

Riddles: Truth!

Ethos: NEXT
Ethos: Let’s talk about the PS3 for onc…

Riddles: ONE MOMENT

Ethos: Oh yez?

Riddles: I need to grab a sammich and a beer.

Ethos: THAT… I can allow.
*more time passes*

Riddles: Yum.

Ethos: You back? Say the magic word to get us started!

Riddles: Pattycakes?

Ethos: GOOD ENOUGH!
Ethos: “NEXT” would have also done.
Ethos: No Single Player Demo for Uncharted 2? What the fuck? STOO-PUD.
Ethos: Not that I would download it anyway, because I want to go at it clean, but still.
Ethos: I don’t even understand WHY 2 has multiplayer. Just like Bioshock. It makes no sense. They do not strike me as games that need multiplayer.

Riddles: Yeah, same here
Riddles: From the four hours or so that I managed to spend with Uncharted
Riddles: The last thing that came to mind was “damn, this really needs multiplayer!”

Ethos: Yup!
Ethos: Uncharted is all about character and BioShock is all about mood.
Ethos: Why throw multiplayer into those mixes?
Ethos: I mean they DO control really well
Ethos: But still
Ethos: I don’t get it.

Riddles: Multiplayer modes are becoming gimmicky cash-in add-ons
Riddles: And it’s disturbing

Ethos: I feel like it will dilute the main game.
Ethos: And Uncharted 2 is supposedly longer as well
Ethos: Which I don’t see as a good thing.
Ethos: I loved the length of the last one.

Riddles: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

Ethos: If it was a few hours longer, fine, but it is apparently significantly longe…

Riddles: …

Ethos: Win.

Riddles: Wait, that wouldn’t be a good…

Ethos: Hence why you win.
Ethos: You win fail.

Riddles: Yeah.
Riddles: Epic Win Fail.
Riddles: ***Riddles sighs heavily

Ethos: The story of your life!

Riddles: SO true.
Riddles: so… true…

Ethos: Anyway, enough there.
Ethos: I’m more optimistic for Uncharted 2 than I am for BioShock 2.
Ethos: But then again, BioShock 2 has been pawned off onto other developers and I like Uncharted more anyway
Ethos: So that’s clearly biased

Riddles: CLEARLY

Ethos: There’s enough people who thought BioShock was the ultimate shit to be optimistic for it.

Riddles: Like me.

Ethos: Although I hear a lot of MEGA fans of the first one… like… of your proportions, that are entirely apathetic about the next one.

Riddles: I still have high hopes for both games.
Riddles: And I haven’t even finished Uncharted.

Ethos: …now YOU’RE being the optimist.
Ethos: This is weird, dude
Ethos: ANYWAY, this is getting long, so let’s move on.
Ethos: What’s the magic word?

Riddles: NEXT!

Ethos: Good job!
Ethos: Netflix exclusive to Xbox 360
Ethos: …wait… I don’t give a shit.
Ethos: Do you?

Riddles: (one moment)
Riddles: (I have no idea what this is or means)

Ethos: (That’s fine)
Ethos: (In fact, I’ll just leave this in and we can move on)
Ethos: (So let’s go with a super-secret “next”)

Riddles: NEXT

Ethos: THAT WASN’T SUPER-SECRET!!

Riddles: (sorry)
Riddles: (next)

Ethos: (that’s better)
Ethos: Clements liked Dissidia
Ethos: Sweet
Ethos: Looks good
Ethos: That’s all I got.

Riddles: Well, this is encouraging.
Riddles: I was really surprised by the demo.

Ethos: Me too, to be honest.
Ethos: Played MUCH better than expected

Riddles: I’m glad the final product measures up
Riddles: At least in IGN’s opinion.

Ethos: Yup! I haven’t read other reviews because I suck IGN off, but I trust Clements.

Riddles: There aren’t many other reviews at the moment…

Ethos: Well, watch the video review after this is done, it’s a goodun’
Ethos: Also POKEMON ROXXXXX

Riddles: Does it?

Ethos: SO EXCITED FOR SILVER REMAKE!!!!
Ethos: ***Ethos shoots off everywhere

Riddles: Oh bah.

Ethos: God, I think that’s too embarassing for me to edit out.
Ethos: I deserve the shame.

Riddles: Like every iteration since then hasn’t been a remake.

Ethos: It’s the second series of them, yes.
Ethos: But Silver has always been my favorite in the series.
Ethos: Silver > Platinum > Yellow > Sapphire
Ethos: But enough embarrassing me with my Pokemon knowledge
Ethos: Anything else to add?
Ethos: I think this went rather well.

Riddles: Surprisingly

Ethos: GOOD FIRST OFFICIAL ROUNDUP
Ethos: Anyway, let’s end ‘er off.
Ethos: With some sort of close-off slogan

Riddles: SPLOOGE
Riddles: …

Ethos: HA HA HA HA
Ethos: THAT’S GUNNA BE IT!

Outtake of the Week:
Re: Netflix Exclusive to Xbox 360 -
Riddles: How’d Microsoft manage that one?
Riddles: CASH WADS AND BLOWJOBS APLENTY
Riddles: anyway