So, here it is finally. Our long-promised News Roundup feature, which is essentially me and my cohort Ethos having an IM conversation about whatever piqued our interest in the videogame industry over the last week. The goal is to be novel, funny and informative, but if you find it dry, long-winded and superfluous, that works as well.
Don’t…don’t pay attention to the title. I just woke up.
Okay, so perhaps this is an idea I should have had earlier, but I decided to try playing Assassin’s Creed again in honour of Lord Riddles Week. Y’see, I should have spent the entire week playing games that he loves and trying to talk positively about them, but it’s already Saturday. Oh well! This is better than nothing.
Oh, also, I don’t consider this an “‘ELLO GUV’NAH!” since I’m just talking about one title. DON’T MAKE ME POST THE ‘HOLD YOUR HORSES’ PIC AGAIN!!!
So I think the reason I stopped playing Assassin’s Creed in the first place was a combination of two things.
1.) I felt really overwhelmed by all the mechanics and controls
2.) I bought Mass Effect, and that glorious game is the best full retail game I’ve played this generation, hands down.
Anyway, I played for a few hours up until the end of the first assassination (I believe there are nine or ten total). I say a few hours because I did ALL the side stuff, like save all the citizens, climb to all those eagles, or whatever, and pickpocket a few letters, etc.
Let me say off the bat, that I completely understand the complaints about it being repetitive. If the game continues to be relatively more of the same, I can’t see how a normal person wouldn’t get annoyed and/or bored very quickly.
But I am not a normal person.
This is the reason I like traditional RPGs. I like doing the same thing over and over again slowly climbing toward an ultimate goal (insert sex joke). It’s why I go for all the side missions right away in inFAMOUS. It’s not that I’m a completist, but when side missions and quests are clearly laid out for me on the mini-map, I can’t NOT go after them. The collectible flags on the other hand: No dice soldier.
So anyway, I had fun. I think it’s stupid that the MOMENT you pickpocket someone, they can instantly tell that their precious whatever is gone, and then they just shrug their shoulders instead of accusing the very suspicious guy in a white hood with his head down. I would feel like more of a badass if the victim just kept walking without noticing anything. But speaking of feeling like a badass, I really am impressed with the way the game makes you feel when you sneak up behind a guard and silently assassinate him and walk away into a crowd and then slowly hear chaos erupt behind you.
So ultimately, I’m guessing that I’m going to be somebody who doesn’t mind this game at all. I might even like it a bit. So I guess that’s the greatest gift of all to Lord Riddles. Or at least the greatest gift I’m willing to give him.
Anyway, it looks like we’ll be posting our first News Roundup feature FOR REALZ in the coming days, so look forward to that. It’s just an IM conversation between Riddles and I, talking about the news, and edited down so that you don’t have to drudge through to find the highlights. Or maybe you still will, this is the fucking internet.
Oh! And since all you bitches complained, it looks like we’ll have comments coming in the extremely near future. Thanks for the feedback!
I know this isn’t new news, but the English logo just came out, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to get way too excited for what many consider to be a “kid’s game”.
Whatever, Pokémon is still sweet.
Lord Riddles rules The Golden Land of Murfreesboro with a cold-hearted fist.
His blackened soul allows him to make the necessary decisions.
The secret decisions of a ruler.
Decisions of life and death.
But this power has twisted the Dark Lord Riddles.
He begins to put pretty-good-but-not-truly-exceptional games like Bioshock on his top ten list.
He begins to weep alone at night remembering the glorious days when he had a soul.
He begins to lead children into dark alleys and murder them viciously.
But do not judge your Lord. This is just the necessary path for one with such responsibility.
Pray that in the coming days, as the power passes to the far more capable hands of King Ethos, Riddles will return to his former self.
The self that knew how to smile.
The self that knew how to laugh.
The self that knew how to love.
Let us love this Lord Riddles with all our twisted hearts for these remaining days.
Oh, ps, apparently our “like”, “dislike” function is fucked up, but I’m hoping we get it back really soon.
Otherwise, I’ve been listening to the increasing demand for comments, so that might be a reality sooner than we expected, but don’t hold your breath just yet.
So as you all know, my PS3 was sent back to me from Sony’s service department even more broken than before. And as you’ve likely gathered, I’ve been too lazy to go through the steps of sending it back in.
Today I finally made the call, and was instantly assaulted with layers and layers of pre-recorded messages telling me, in so many words, to fuck off. After five minutes or so of pointless navigation, and being told 29332 times that Sony has a troubleshooting page on their official website, I gave up.
…and went to the troubleshooting page.
Anyway. I decided to attempt a system restore. Happen to know how long a full restore takes?
FIVE GODDAMNED HOURS.
After an hour, I’m at a whopping 12 percent, so frankly I’ll be surprised if it doesn’t take longer. And I can’t get rid of the nagging feeling that this really won’t do a lick of good anyway.
As you can see, I’ve become rather… frustrated.
The Extra Annoyingly Long Edition
Hello everyone, and welcome to yet another edition of Hey! Look! Listen! I am your host LORD RIDDLES, and I’ll be lording over you tonight.
Anyway. Got more than a few news items here that I COMMAND you to peruse.
Even More PS3 Slim Rumors
Yes! These never get old! Apparently, two of the UK’s “leading national retailers” have been told not to expect any further shipments of the system until September. They’re clearing the way for something… BUT WHAT COULD IT BE?! Whatever it is, I bet we hear about it at GamesCom, a conference that I’d completely forgotten about until today.
Goodbye Xbox 360 Pro?
Clearly jealous of all the media attention Sony has received due to Slim rumors, Microsoft went and started a rumor of their own. Well, actually, Meijer did, as evidenced by this image from their catalogue:
The catalogue is due out on August 30. So, if this is legit, the Pro model’s days are numbered. Luckily, we get to keep its pricetag. Good on Microsoft, I say. Three different 360 SKUs always felt unnecessary. When Kotaku contacted Microsoft for comment, they responded with the standby “Microsoft does not comment on rumors or speculation.” Again, I’d look for an announcement at GamesCom.
Lawsuits! Oh, Juicy Lawsuits!
Actually this one isn’t so juicy. It’s just… odd. A company known as Bandspeed, which specializes in wi-fi development, is attempting to sue Sony, Nintendo, and Apple for patent infringement on their devices. The devices in question are the PS3, Wii, and iPhone 3G, respectively. Apparently handheld gaming devices are in the clear. Thank goodness.
Just because it’s interesting…
So, when Tri-Ace announced that it’s upcoming multiplatform RPG, End of Eternity was being published by SEGA rather than Square Enix, did you stop to wonder why? Well even if you didn’t, here’s the answer: according to the game’s director Takayuki Suguro, “SEGA has a more open attitude towards accepting new RPG ideas than Square Enix, we’d decided to have SEGA release End of Eternity.”
Interesting. And yet… not too surprising. Square Enix hasn’t had a whole lot of luck with fresh-faced RPG franchises this generation. Meanwhile, games such as Crisis Core and Final Fantasy IV DS have sold… well… a lot.
Because it Made me Chuckle…
So, remember when long-running videogame mag EGM went under? Yeah, well apparently it was arranged that subscribers could either cancel and arrange for a refund, or leave it alone and receive a free subscription to Maxim instead. That’s what 12-year old Jake did, and it didn’t sit too well with his mother when she found out.
“When I saw it, I didn’t think it was a magazine my son should be looking at,” said Kathleen O’ Donnel.
Ride on, sister.
But seriously, who thought that was a good idea in the first place? If I didn’t know better, I’d think gamers were being profiled in some way…
Anyway. That’s it. Hope you enjoyed it. But then, if you didn’t it’s really no skin off my nose.
SOMEONE, I know not who, attempted to thwart my week by replacing my banner.
As implied by the RETURN of said beautiful banner, they failed. Brought to justice in a matter of hours.
(His name was Wordpress Version 2.8.4).
Yes, we’re working on some backend stuff for the site today, so you might find some weird quirks happening here and there. So once again, I have to tell you to hold your horses.
All hail Riddles!
It’s the truth.
Maybe because it’s been way too hot in Toronto recently, and walking to and from subway stations bring sharp attention to the noticeable OTHER bulge in my pants.
Or maybe it’s because the iPod Touch/iPhone gaming platform thing is affecting me too.
I never thought it would, but a quick game of Sudoku is so much easier to boot up and play in the unpredictable pockets of time available to me while waiting for scripts than a section of Suikoden in which I can’t even quicksave.
The DS used to never leave my side, but I definitely no longer feel that way.
I’m very curious to see how this whole iPhone thing plays out. More interested to see if Nintendo can actually react appropriately or make the same “we’re untouchable” mistake that Sony made with the PS3.
Hey folks. I’ve decided to title my “What have I been playing?” segment “‘ELLO GUV’NAH!” for no other reason except that I love saying that. Always have. Always will.
And I was using it way before I met you, Lee Gordon! That’s a fact, so stop your worrying.
If he still had me on Facebook, he would delete me right about now.
I picked this game up again. Still fun. Still void of mood.
People seem to either love or hate this game. So far, I’m the rare one on the fence. I think my choice to turn off English voice acting off the top has helped my experience, however.
Super fucking fun. Always satisfying to run into a group of enemies and tear them to shreds with increasingly badass powers. I was talking to “The Broken Finger” about it, and I agree when he says the game holds your attention by constantly making you feel more and more powerful. Maybe he said that. At least, that’s what I remember him saying. You never know with The Broken Finger.
You heard me, Lusipurr! And it’s fun! I’ll admit that it’s pretty stupid too, but it’s also addicting. Or at least addicting until you marry someone and she demands sex out of you all the time.
I’m trying to save the world, woman!!
What a bitch.
Prince of Persia-
The newest one. But it’s a second playthrough and I don’t feel like talking about it, so stuff it.
That’s it! I know I promised “HILARIOUS commentary” but, hey, I lied. So here’s a dumb picture to make you happy.
I didn’t draw this. This chick did.