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Ethos and Riddles talk about video games...
            Can you handle it?
by Ethos

Scatter Storming. Issue #003

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009

ss003Alright! I held off on posting this in case the TGS Press Conference held anything. It didn’t. But that’s fine, I think Sony has one later “today”, and Riddles will be all over that. As for now, let’s get to my all-over-the-place brain.

SWEET! Lost Winds 2! -
What?! I didn’t know this game was coming out! Amazing! In my opinion, there are very, very few games that justify the Wii’s existence as a Wiimote-based console, but Lost Winds is one of them. It’s clever, has great art design, music that’s not entirely dissimilar to Shadow of the Colossus, and addicting controls. The first one was short and sweet, and come out pretty much around WiiWare’s launch. I remember hearing that the developers intended on making a sequel, but there was silence for a very long time. Although it was my homepage three years ago, I rarely check the Wii channel of IGN anymore, but I’m glad I decided to wander by the other day. This is absolutely reason to switch on that little white box again.

BUH? Magnacarta 2 -
What is this game? I’ve never heard of this game. What is this game? What? Is it supposed to be any good? Why didn’t anybody tell me about it? The screens look good. What? This looks like a major, epic JRPG release exclusive to the 360 and nobody told me about it! WHAT THE CRAP?!?! Maybe it’s supposed to suck, I heard the first one did. But still!

PRETTY! The Last Guardian footage -
There was some new footage shown at TGS. Meet the new footage, same as the old footage. Still, I obviously want this game. Off Screen video here.

PRESS RELEASED! Wii Price Cut Official-
Who cares? I just feel the need to post Nintendo news because I get press releases from them and so I feel special. Far more interesting was the inclusion of a November 15th release date of New Super Mario Bros. The only Wii retail game I intend on buying this entire year. Oops, except Excite Bots. That was this year. That game is STILL awesome.

THAT’S IT FOLKS! That’s all that’s swirling around in my mind at the moment. I’ve been back to work and off my sleeping schedule, but let’s hope that changes tomorrow and you see me back in my regular posting-complete-nonsense form! SUCK IT!

News Roundup #006 – September 20, 2009

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

In contrast to last week’s low-point in News Roundups, Riddles and Ethos blast through mostly ridiculous news stories until Ethos’ grammar implodes and Riddles backs away in fear.

But seriously, we don’t talk about anything that important, but at least we entertain in the process!

Click here to laugh along!

Listen to the man...

Listen to the man...

The Honourable Mentions

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

Well well well, the official lists are done, and after such rigorous activity, I feel like I need a little wind down. Here are some stupid shits that were either too stupid too make the list, or perhaps there were too many variables. This will be a lot more brief than I anticipated, but I got places to BE!

talesThe Cleanup (Misses)-
Be careful. These are ALL from the Tales series…

Lloyd and Sheena: Sure, Lloyd was an idiot, but Sheena single-handedly made the game worth playing with the best voice acting of the bunch and a rockin’ bod. Because of all the multiple endings, you pretty much can end up with Sheena, but like I said: Lloyd’s a dumbass and deserves nobody.

Genus and Presea: Riddles hates me for this one, but I think Genus’ sweet childhood crush on what he thinks is a girl his age, but is really an adult trapped in a girl’s body could make way for some incredibly twisted and cool plot developments. Presea might be an adult on the inside, but how much does that matter if she is always treated like a child and eventually gives into her fate? I think it could have been pleasantly fucked up, but of course Tales of Symphonia teased and then dropped it.

Yuri and Judith: Judith is like a slightly less cool Sheena, but Yuri is like a NOT THE COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT BORING JACKASS THAT LLOYD IS. So something should have happened between this hot couple! And when they first meet, it’s amazing. There is sexual tension and flirting through the ear. Then they meet up with the rest of the gang and BLAMMO. It’s gone. Namco Bandai MUST be aware that they’re getting a rise and not finishing the job. Maybe that’s their fucked up fetish.

They really were sweet in an odd way...

They really were sweet in an odd way...

Friends With Benefits (Hits)-
Riddles wants Tifa and Cloud on the list, and I agree, but I’ll leave it to him if he has the time. If he doesn’t, know that we both have a soft spot for the guy with the over sized sword hooking up with the chick with over sized breasts.

Jack and Ridley: This couple very well could have made the official list if I had played the game more recently or more often. As it stands, I don’t quite remember the story enough to support their spot against the other romances. I just remember that Jack was a stupid but really sweet character that showcased some of the pure innocent emotions in young love. There’s a particular scene near one of the endings by a tree when Ridley has become far more robot-like, and Jack is just trying to admit feelings for Ridley. Jack was comic relief, but he was a far more honest character than one might anticipate.

Link and Malon: Screw Zelda, she’s annoying and hideous anyway, save Twilight Princess. Riddles was right was he talked me out of this because no romance is really ever explicitly implied except for when Malon’s dad says you can marry his daughter. And that doesn’t really count. But Link is such a stud that you can’t help but assume that Saria, Ilia, Ruto, Malon, Zelda, and even Nabooru all have the hots for him. So since I, in turn, assume that Link has his pick, I pick Malon. She’s feisty, smart, and hot. ‘Nuff said.

What do you think? You guys have been giving great feedback already listing many of your own choices: Elena and Nathan, Cole and Sasha, even Wander and Agro…
But no matter how twisted you are, keep ‘em coming. Who did miss, and what did we get wrong in your opinion?

“I Need A Cigarette” – Love Story Hits Countdown: #1

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

While Zidane and Dagger perhaps give us the best love story ever told in a video game, our worthy number one couple is the best love story ever experienced since every action taken in the game is rooted in love. Simply put, love is the entire reason for this game’s existence.

Mono_and_Wander#1 Best Video Game Romance: Wander and Mono
While I perpetually praise this game’s mood above all else – as Riddles touched on himself during Team ICO Week – I have to say that one of the first things that hooked me was the premise. Not just the fact that there were only 16 enemies in the entire game, but that the whole reason the hero was crazy enough to go up against them was that he wanted a shot at bringing her back to life. Yes, just a shot. Not even a guarantee. And while we tragically never see these two share a moment, there are a few important factors that give us back story so that we can emotionally connect to the story properly. It all stems from Wander’s proclamation that Mono had a cursed fate so she was sacrificed. In that simple sentence we learn that despite his culturally instilled belief that she was cursed (he says she “has” a cursed fate, not “she is believed to be cursed” or anything like that), he still stole a sword and made a long journey to an explicitly forbidden land. The weight of those decisions before any gameplay even takes place is very evident and carries throughout the entire game.

Bio-pics-0011-150x150To say the least, Wander’s willingness to battle 16 colossi for the mere chance of reviving Mono shows the intense devotion, and love, that he has for her. The player finds himself wondering what manner of relationship they had in the past – and why it is that Wander is so devoted to reviving her. The strange visions that Wander experiences throughout the game, in which Mono returns to life, only add to the mystery surrounding the two of them. The game is certainly not heavy on storyline, but the player will find themselves intrigued nonetheless.

sotc2Everything Wander goes through during the course of the game is done out of love. Every mile he rides, every monument he scales, every Colossi he slays, is done for love. I know that sounds horribly sappy, especially coming from me. But honestly, it’s true There’s no “love story” to be seen in Shadow of the Colossus, but it’s emphatically implied.

The ending is among the most heartbreaking ever seen. It’s an ending that has to be seen (and played) in order to appreciate; I won’t attempt to describe it here. But suffice to say, Wander’s hopes and dreams are far from granted. As the player, you’ll likely be somewhat disturbed when the true atrocity of Wander’s actions are revealed. And yet, at the same time, you’ll find it difficult to fault him. It was all done for the sake of love.

“Wrong Hole, Darling” – Love Story Misses Countdown #1

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

Alright ladies and gents, here it is: Riddlethos.com’s #1 worst video game romance OF ALL TIME. The moment you’ve all, assuredly, been waiting for. The moment of truth. The moment of… of… ah… meh, I’m done trying to butter this up. Just read the article.

Pretty... and pink...

Pretty... and pink...

#1 Worst Video Game Romance: Squall and Rinoa

Yet another representative from my beloved Final Fantasy series makes the dubious list today. That’s a bit of a sad statement, yet both spots are more than deserved… especially in the case of Mr. Leonhart and his little squeeze.

If you’ve been following my internet travails for any length of time, you likely know that I adore Final Fantasy VIII. I recognize that a lot (and I mean a lot) of people don’t share my opinion of the game; and to be honest, I can understand a lot of the complaints that often arise. But strangely enough, a lot of the problems others have just aren’t problems to me. I don’t mind the junction system, for one thing; in fact, I always rather enjoyed the hours upon hours I spent fooling around with it. I think the game’s storyline is incredibly enjoyable, in spite of some rather gigantic plot holes that, admittedly, are a little hard to forgive. I love most (key word: most) of the game’s main characters, including the protagonist Squall, who’s long been a popular punching bag for FFVIII haters.

Regardless of all the good points the game has, the romantic subplot – the supposed centerpiece of the game – is a trainwreck. While it has occasional moments of heartfelt sincerity, the utter ridiculousness of it all overshadows anything good about it. What it boils down to is this: Rinoa, Squall’s love interest, is the worst character in the game. She’s flat, ditzy, and immature. She’s meant to be the polar opposite of Squall’s cold, introverted persona, and that’s fine; the difference is, while Squall actually has reason to act the way he does, Lord only knows why Rinoa consistently acts like a horny, airheaded high school girl.

Almost Believable at This Point

Almost Believable at This Point

For the first half of the game, the supposed “love story” can be summed up in a single sentence: Rinoa repeatedly throws herself at Squall, who repeatedly throws her ass to the proverbial curb like she’s a bad habit. Somehow, though, Rinoa only finds his utter coldness attractive, and refuses to give up. Then, after a battle with an evil sorceress, Rinoa falls into a coma.

Somehow, out of nowhere, this makes Squall realize that he does, in fact, have feelings for Rinoa. Where did they come from? Who knows. Perhaps he’s a necrophiliac. Or maybe he just kept his true feelings buried REAL DEEP. Or maybe, just maybe, Final Fantasy VIII is an example of a poorly written romantic buildup.

Yeah, I’m gonna go with that. I mean seriously, it would be fine if Squall showed some concern at her unconcious state, but his reaction was WELL over the top. I could say more, but I think I’ll let my lackey partner Ethos take it from here.

Bio pics 004Ugh. Blah. Also: barf. I know a lot of the “Misses” I write have started out that way, but this one deserves it most. The fact that I hate it is perhaps the biggest testament against this shitty relationship. Why is that? Well if you read the post about Zidane and Dagger, you have an idea: I am a complete and utter sap. I love love. I practically cried the first time I played a game called Flower. FLOWER! It is quite literally a game in which you float flower petals around fields. I’m a fruitcake sap who gravitates to love stories with the same tremendous force that Riddles gravitates to poor life decisions. And I think the Squall and Rinoa love story is such an outright GUFFAW in the face of all Final Fantasy fans, of all fans of love stories, and of all fans of not being treated like a ham sandwich. Because maybe a ham sandwich could believe that what Squall and Rinoa had was love. MAYBE.

hamsandwich_a

Unlike my darling and dumb minion partner, Riddles, I am rather endeared to Rinoa and think that Squall is a complete tart. But despite that disagreement, he was entirely right to imply that there is no chemistry, and no reason that one should be attracted to the other. Not in the way their interactions played out. Because yes, like mentioned, opposites can attract and even make each other better, but there is no progression, no believable human traits that would lead to love, and definitely no sparks. Even as a horny teenaged boy in high school playing this game for the first time didn’t buy the couple. In fact, I was so disturbed by one scene that I instantly had a vision of a short movie to mock it. I made it the next day.

So without further ado, a condensed and far more entertaining summation of Squall and Rinoa’s romance: (I didn’t upload it and the user disabled embedding, sorry!)
Squall’s Stupidity

Anyway, this couple has now officially received too much attention. Good night!

‘ELLO GUV’NAH! – September 18th 2009

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

I feel like it’s been ages since I posted one of these! Not just because it’s a day late, but because of all the other craziness that’s been going on. Top 5 Countdowns, Hey! Look! Listen!s, and general disarray. Not to be confused with General Disarray. But anyway, I played a lot of the same stuff with no changed opinions, but I at least have two games to talk about/expand on.

farcry2logoFar Cry 2-
I feel like I should dive just a little bit deeper into this title than just the “meh” I threw its way during the last Scatter Storming. I didn’t buy or rent this game, but it was rather lent to me from Deerwolf of The Entire Population. He lent it to me saying that he didn’t really like it at all. Not the greatest sell, I’ll admit, and it didn’t help when both abe80 and The Broken Finger said it was crap. But then the Corner Hawk passionately sang its praises so I decided I’d give it a fair shake. And while, yes, my feeling is indeed “meh”, I wouldn’t necessarily say that that’s an accurate review of the game itself. It has very intriguing mechanics and a setting not seen in many of the games that I’ve played. The reason I’m going to stop playing however, is because it really seems like the game takes quite an investment to enjoy. Now let me get something straight, I don’t mind making a huge investment if I get hooked, but I’d rather not make a huge investment to potentially GET hooked. Not when I have so many games on my plate, anyway. So sorry, Far Cry 2, you might not suck, but I’m never going to find out.

DS_Mario_PackagingMario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story
I already talked about this game a fair bit in the last Scatter Storming, but this is easily the game I’ve been playing the most, so it required a mention. Craig of IGN mentioned this in his Video Review, but I agree that this game proves that Bowser needs his own title. You play as him at least half the time, and it’s a surprising blast to play. He adds more than enough new stuff to the mix to make Mario and Luigi’s antics in battle not stale yet. Since the story and gameplay switches are so well paced, I’ve sunk 12 hours into the game since I bought it, and about 10 of those hours were in the first three days. It’s addicting, fun, absolutely hilarious, and refreshingly not super-easy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not very difficult, but at least it’s based on skill in battle as landing critical hits and mastering counter-attacks literally make all the difference. My friend who had played the older Mario & Luigi games tried out a boss battle without playing any of this title. She died very quickly because she wasn’t familiar with the new moves. When I tried it after she failed, I took out the relatively easy boss no problem. So it is nice to see that getting to know the battle system pays off.

That’s it kiddos! Unless I include that The Beatles Rock Band is pretty disappointing. And this is coming from a major Beatles fan. Anyway, the #1 couples from the hit and miss lists are coming later tonight, keep your eyes peeled!

“I Need A Cigarette” – Love Story Hits Countdown: #2

Friday, September 18th, 2009

Well there was absolutely no doubt that this couple would make this list. No matter what game I’m complimenting, it usually comes back to Final Fantasy IX. If I like a game’s storytelling, I compare it to Final Fantasy IX. If I like the music in a game, I point to Nobuo Uematsu’s most varied and -in my opinion- overall greatest work. And if a game attempts a love story I, without fail, point to the practically unrivaled:

garnet_zidane#2 Best Video Game Romance: Zidane and Dagger
The reason why this romance still stands the test of time, and why the name Dagger has been a symbol for love in my life since November 14, 2000, is because of all the sides of love this story manages to tell. Let’s go through it together.

Zidane: I’m surprised you found this place.
You got the talent to be a bandit!
How ’bout you and me team up?
We’ll call ourselves “The Betrothed”.
Dagger: My talent’s up to snuff, but that name isn’t.

I love the way Zidane instantly acts on his attraction. He’s used to instantly smooth-talking with every cute girl he meets, and Princess Garnet is definitely no exception. Like any new relationship of any sort between two people, the interactions are hit and miss as the two begin to feel out the way the other works. And as the two are forced to travel together for a short while, his natural flirtations evolve into legitimate feelings. She, at first taken aback and a little embarrassed at his aggression, begins to be incredibly influenced by Zidane. She feels frustration at his constant desire to protect her and tries to press on without him only to admit to herself that a combination of trying to impress him and his encouragement were the things that even made her capable of following through with such risky plans in the first place. And from the very believable state of an exciting new crush, the game then factors in an incredibly real human emotion that takes particular hold over a romantic couple: pride.

Dagger begins to resent that she relies on Zidane for strength, she gets frustrated that he’s in her thoughts, and she wants to be able to prove her worth without him. A conflict grows within her between her swelling feelings for him and the weight and responsibility of proving to herself and her kingdom that she is fit to rule. She is incredibly proud and a lot of her vulnerable moments confronting her feelings happen in her head without explicitly opening up to Zidane. Zidane, while perhaps seeming more open is just as prideful. Or at least when she’s in his presence…

Zidane: Gee, all s/he ever thinks about is food.
Dagger: Well, all you ever think about is girls.
Zidane: Uh, that’s right! My mind is filled with thoughts of… you!
Zidane: (Maybe I’m trying too hard…)

ButtPutting aside Dagger’s passive-aggressive comment, Zidane is right. He definitely tries too hard. He’s so used to his formula with women that his legitimate feelings for Dagger confuse him. He wants to get his feelings across without losing his ladies man image. He wants to be the big strong man for his woman, and shows his weaknesses mostly when she’s not around. Another victory for pride! And speaking of his weaknesses, this brings me the perfect transition to another real side of love that Final Fantasy IX shows: heartbreak.

When Dagger and Zidane are forced to separate later in the game, we see Zidane sobbing like a baby in a bar. I say like a baby both literally and figuratively. Because heartbreak by nature is so overflowing with emotion that people tend to be idiots. Zidane is no exception, and so he just whines, feels sorry for himself, and even acts like a complete idiot when he is finally in her -contrived- presence again. Dagger herself is subdued and disappointed with Zidane’s behavior, but both play the silly games we all play when we wait for the other person to make a sweeping romantic gesture to win us back. Luckily for these two idiots, fate intervenes and Zidane doesn’t hesitate to rescue Dagger, and Dagger doesn’t hesitate to literally welcome it with open arms.

I could obviously go on and on about this couple, and the reason I focused on a lot of their faults is because that’s what makes this such a great romance. No real love comes from a problem-less couple who are perfectly and instantly compatible. That doesn’t exist, and nobody but 12 year olds believe that. While, like usual, the sexuality of the romance is vastly underplayed, at least we do have the famous butt-pat moment that at least helps sustain the notion that they are sexual beings.

In the end, Zidane and Dagger get their fair share of sap, but I dare say they deserve it. They went through hell together as two different, faulted human beings to prove that they constructed a love that was powerful enough to break through physical and emotional barriers.

That’s it. I finally got my soapbox on which to stand on and gush and gush about this unrivaled couple in gaming. Well, practically unrivaled, I should say. We do have one more love story to tell on this list…

Hey! Look! Listen!

Friday, September 18th, 2009

“Better late than never” is fast becoming our slogan here at Riddlethos.com, but we know you still love us. I mean, what’s NOT to love about a brand-new Hey! Look! Listen!? That’s right, nothing. Now let’s get to it, because I have to leave for work soon.

Scary scary...

Scary scary...

The Witcher 2 “Internal Video” Leaked
“Leaked.” Right. Seriously, the big, bold “INTERNAL USE ONLY” is just a BIT much, wouldn’t you say? In any case, this is proof that another Witcher game is, in fact, in the works. I was denied the pleasure of playing the original Witcher because my PC doesn’t have the juice, and CD Projekt wasn’t nice enough to finish the PS3/360 port of the game. But I suppose life is just tough like that. Check out the trailer on YouTube

Valkyria Chronicles 2 Coming to North America
Now THIS makes me happy. As you all know, I adored the original Valkyria Chronicles. And while I was slightly disappointed at the fact that the sequel was being made into a PSP game, I recognize that I should just be happy to see the series continue at all. Valkyria Chronicles 2 is set two years after the original game, and focuses on a civil war currently tearing through Gallia. Check out the short announcement trailer here. (1UP).

Do want... or do I...?

Do want... or do I...?

BioShock 2 Street Dated
Well folks, sounds like we might have an honest-to-God release date for BioShock 2 on our hands here. Take-Two announced this morning that the game will hit stores on February 9, 2010. The game was originally pushed back in order to “perform better in the marketplace” – meaning, presumably, that Take-Two didn’t feel confident enough to allow BioShock 2 to compete with other big-name releases such as Modern Warfare 2. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t take that as a positive sign. I’m still excited for BioShock 2, but I’ve got a whole bucket of reservations to accompany that excitement. I can only hope to be proven wrong.

That’s all I’ve got for today, folks! Look for more in this weekend’s News Roundup, which I promise will be more substantive that last week’s trainwreck!

Oh, wait… actually… I don’t promise anything. So. We’ll just see what happens.

“Wrong Hole, Darling” – Love Story Misses Countdown #2

Friday, September 18th, 2009

Ugh. Blah. Plugh. Boy does this ever piss me off. I didn’t know I had such hidden rage about the next couple on this list until Riddles and I were brainstorming the feature and I went on a tirade. A screen capture of that rant will be seen in this article, but let’s introduce the idiots first.

So...bad...

So...bad...

#2 Worst Video Game Romance: Jaster and Kisala
Perhaps you could argue that Rogue Galaxy isn’t popular enough to even justify a spot in this list, but this game handles the situation so poorly that we had no choice but to not only give them a place, but the #2 spot. Those who have been following me on the nerd corners of the internet may remember my first published review over at RPGamer.com. I was not entirely friendly to the game, especially when compared to the other 6 reviews. I pointed my disappointment to the general direction of the writing and pacing, and while that accusation still rings true, I didn’t even mention the most insulting, terrible part. Although the #1 couple is a bit more guilty of this, Rogue Galaxy’s biggest failure was even trying to ever bring focus to the romance. If about 3 things in the game were changed, I could accept the two as platonic comrades. Sure, it would be frustrating, but it would be consistent, and at least I’ve come to expect that of JRPGs. But the thing to note here is that the 3 times (maximum) that the romance is implied, it makes some of the most sweeping dramatic statements ever. I would love to describe the stupidity myself right now, but I can’t imagine that it could do a better job than my rant the other night when brain-storming this feature with Sir James Riddles Motok himself. Three things to note before the screen grab though:
1. Lloyd and Collette are mentioned in this conversation and aren’t on the list. SPOILERS.
2. It’s a screengrab…I can’t fix typos like I can for the News Roundup.
3. Those time stamps are accurate.
Rogue Galaxy rant
See what I mean??!!? The major conclusion on this, like, 60 hour game with HOURS of cutscenes is PLAIN TEXT revolving around a romance that CLEARLY DOESN’T EXIST!! There is literally more romance in that special move than there would be if you take the most romantically explicit scene in the game and multiply it by seven billion! And then they have the GALL to revolve the already really shitty ending around this apparent romance? They should have just removed any semblance of story and just told the plot through special moves! It would have made more fucking sense.
*seethes*
Alright. I think I’m calm. What a stupid game. It’s also a waste because Kisala is smoking hot.

“I Need A Cigarette” – Love Story Hits Countdown: #3

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

Back again, to once again, end the day on a positive note. One of my favorite couplings from one of my favorite games; let’s talk about Ico and the young princess Yorda. (Beware of spoilers, by the by.)

They have nothing but eachother...

They have nothing but eachother...


#3 Best Video Game Romance: Ico and Yorda
Like Shadow of the Colossus, Ico is one of the last generation’s definitive experiences. Most, if not all of the game mechanics have been done again and done better at this point, but unlike all that came after it, Ico’s mood and atmosphere is not to be forgotten. While it doesn’t quite reach the majestic levels seen in Shadow of the Colossus, the lonely, forboding mood presented in Ico is done beautifully.

The main focus of the game’s puzzles is helping the young, mysterious Yorda through the island safely. She’s quite helpless, after all, meaning poor Ico has to break his back just to keep her safely in tow as he navigates the deadly pitfalls set before him. Yet somehow, much like Ico himself, the player just can’t get sick of her. She’s too innocent and helpless, yet somehow she manages to seem grateful. It’s the little things that count, like how she snuggles with him on the little stone-hewn couches that act as the game’s save points.

Kidding aside, it’s difficult not to develop a bond with Yorda, despite how much of a hindrance she can be. There’s no snappy back-and-forth dialogue, (ala Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time) but the utter silence is what makes the game’s atmosphere. Players can draw their own conclusions as to what feelings are developing between the two of them.

But towards the end of the game, their feelings for eachother become more apparent. The final hours see Ico furiously searching for a kidnapped Yorda, and then battling an evil sorceress to get her back. Ico emerges victorious, but wounded – and in a first, final act of gratitude, Yorda carries him to a small lifeboat and sends him away as the castle crashes down around her.

Somehow she lives, of course. I would have preferred a more bitter ending, but then I’m a bitter kinda guy. Regardless, for Ico’s amazing devotion to Yorda (or at least her mobility) and Yorda’s willingness to sacrifice her life for him, we rank them number three among the five best video game romances.

Tomorrow you get to hear Ethos speak about… oh wait, I can’t tell you! Just be here. And by the way, the Thursday edition of Hey! Look! Listen! has been delayed. Sorry. GOODNIGHT FOR NOW!