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            Can you handle it?
by Ethos

Lazy Saturdays

Saturday, April 17th, 2010

And what a lazy, lazy Saturday it is.

The hour is 2:29 p.m. CST. I’m alone in my apartment with all the blinds drawn. The place is an absolute wreck, truth be told – covered in boxes, bottles, cans, plates… ah… you name it.

I’m at my computer typing this. To accompany this scene, I have the soundtrack to Brick playing. It fits oddly well.

And that’s been my life for the last four weeks or so!

UGH.

Something has to give, eventually. Right? Right. Enough of that. I suppose as long as I’m here, we might as well talk about something interesting.

Wii Fit Turns Woman into Sex Addict – okay, I’m pretty sure that this isn’t for real. Regardless, it’s a story on Yahoo! News. And… it’s been there for a few days. Apparently, after falling off her Wii Fit board and damaging a nerve, Amanda Flowers is now a victim of persistent sexual arousal syndrome. And yes, that’s a real thing. So, why don’t I think this is for real? Try the closing quote from Flowers: “With no cure I just have to try to control my passion by breathing deeply. Hopefully one day I’ll find a superstud who can satisfy me.”

Who says something like that? Nobody, that’s who. Nobody.

Apple Blocks Political Cartoonist from App Store, Quickly Regrets Decision – y’know, for quite some time now, it’s been my plan to ditch Verizon and purchase an iPhone this coming November when my contract is up. But stories like this one are what make me consider alternative (read: Droid OS) options.

Mark Fiore is an accomplished political cartoonist. In fact, he made a little history recently by becoming the first web-exclusive journalist to win a Pulitzer Prize for his work. However, because his cartoons “ridicule public figures,” Apple refused to feature his work on the App store. So, essentially, Apple has begun making judgments on editorial content.

Obviously, this enraged more than a few, so Apple quickly backpedaled and asked Fiore to resubmit his app. Good for them, but that Google Nexus One phone is looking sweeter all the time…

Four Year-Old Kid Gets Free Weed with Game

Ba-hahahaha. Ahem. Ah, anyway. Some dad in the UK bought is kid Fight Night Round 3 for Xbox 360. The kid opened up the box to find tobacco laced with weed. He showed it to his father, who, reportedly became “horrified” and “took it off him straight away.” (The bag, I’m assuming.)

“But what if he’d thought it was sweets, and started munching away?” The dad said. “It doesn’t bear thinking about.”

No, actually, it doesn’t; because I’m pretty sure the worst thing that would have happened to the kid would be a nasty aftertaste.

When I think about the number of gamers who likely would have been thrilled to receive such a perk, the fact that it ended up in the hands of a four year-old becomes even funnier.

And that’s all. Enjoy the rest of your Saturday.

-Riddles

Tingle! Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah! #004

Friday, April 16th, 2010

BOO-YA! Thank you Riddles for HLL-ifying my Tingle banner to officially make this your new Friday source of news at Riddlethos!

Yes, Riddles and I agreed that we should split the Hey! Look! Listen! job, but neither of us felt comfortable with me taking over directly. Therefore we came up with the perfect compromise: take my weird non-tangible barely-updated feature and make it the Ethos Friday news feature! Winning all around! Anyhoo, to kick things off right, I’ll half ass this and only give you one piece of old news!

NPD Has No Surprises! Surprise!
Yup, God of War led the way selling 1.1 million in March, unless you want to combine the two Pokémon remakes, because Heartgold and Soulsilver sold nearly 1.8 million combined, and even the two Final Fantasy XIII versions combined for just under 1.5 million units sold. Anyway, nothing else is really interesting unless you think that New Super Mario Bros Wii still selling half a million is interesting. I think that title should have been a download. But then again, I think that about everything! I just bought an essentially new PSP Go off a friend for a good price. Hells yes.
(IGN)

Speaking of, I’m going to go play Patapon 2. Or Dissidia. Or maybe even break out a classic and try Tactics for the first time. What do you think of this new TTKL/HLL News decision? Lemme know in the comments below, and I’ll reply after MORE AMAZING PLAYOFF HOCKEY tonight. Whatta good week!

Broke Update

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

Not QUITE so broke, suckahs! Thanks, Revenue Canada. That’s part 1 of 4 I’m expecting from you.

Scatter Storming. Issue #026

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

Finally I’m back! After Riddles took over with that horrible 25th issue, we had those technical issues, and there was just never a good time to post a late issue, so it’s been forever! But I’m glad to be back with my good ol’ weekly round of verbal diarrhea. Let’s get to it!

I’m both hating FFXIII so much more and liking it more -
Seriously, the more I think about the tunnel I had to get through to get to Pulse, the more I can’t believe that I played through it. I mean, I really am a big fan of the battle system, but even the Crystarium system didn’t mean anything until Pulse. I’ve played about 12 hours in the post-game now, and it’s easily the most fun I’ve had with the game. Still, it’s nothing truly spectacular because it’s really just marks and really pretty scenery with cool Terra-esque flowers. Back to the shitty story though, I think it just got worse as it progressed. There were no supplementary characters worth note, and the main cast stunk, and things made less and less sense as you got along. Oh well, I’m so anxious to complete all the marks, I’ll probably end up Platinum-ing the game.

Broke Update -
Still broke. Stupid Revenue Canada. They said 4 weeks! 6 MAX! And I sent stuff in early, so it’s supposed to be fast. It’s been about 8 weeks now, and I’m still scraping by. No fun. I want to buy games. I want to buy a PSP. I want to buy Monty Python stuff off of Amazon. Also, the Lord of the Rings (gimped) trilogy is on Blu-Ray. I want to buy that too, even though I know I’m a sucker for it. GAH! I like money and I want more of it again. Still, playing the piano is nice.

I have an XBox? -
I kinda forgot until I thought I was going to play Splinter Cell. As a guy who was chuckling at the PS3 just over a year ago, it’s interesting to see that it’s quickly become my system of choice. Now it’s going to get back at me by crashing when I try to play Gears 3 or Mass Effect 3 or potentially Alan Wake.

HOCKEY PLAYOFFS! -
Fuck yeah! Only one of my three teams made it, and they’re going to be wiped out first round, but who gives a fuck?! HD HOCKEY PLAYOFFS! I always wanna follow it, and never had a TV, or stuff came up, but CBC is covering 4 of the 8 match-ups for round one, and I’m going to soak that up. But first: Modern Family.

Piano music? -
Long-time loyal reader SiliconNooB once suggested on Facebook that Lusipurr and I should somehow record some of our video game piano stylings for the listening pleasure of our fans. I don’t know about Lusipurr, but I could definitely do something from my end if there were any interest. Lemme know!

Broke Update -
STILL FUCKING BROKE!

That’s it. I gotta make the cover now (I think it’s going to be of Snapped Celery, my latest character), and then Modern Family and then the playoffs. Ice cream will be involved too.

PSA: KFC’s Double Down is From God, Oliver Motok is a Criminal

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010
This should say it all.

This should say it all.

Hey! Look! Listen! #50

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

Damn, we’re so broke, we couldn’t even afford a pretty banner. Sad.

Seriously, though, I am so fucking broke. I guess that comes along with the whole “unemployment” thing, though. Ethos still has a job, from what I understand, but somehow he’s broke too. I told him not to buy that damned piano.

Oh well. SOMEbody out there wants to hire me, right? I just have to find whoever that is. For now, though, let’s set all of my financial woes aside, and talk about videogames.

By the way, as the title implies, this happens to be the fiftieth edition of Hey! Look! Listen! Thank you, thank you; yes, this is a great day for me as well. Anyway. From now on, I’ll be including an issue number in each title.

Check Out this Gears of War 3 Trailer

I’m not terribly experienced with Gears of War. I played through a little over half of the first game, and never got around to the second one. I did enjoy it, though, and I’ll probably finish them both up before Gears 3 descends. This trailer is a bit on the overdramatic side (especially for a game like Gears) but it’s definitely well-done. And there’s a chick in it.

Gears of War 3 is slated for release on April 8, 2011. And, reportedly, it will feature four-player co-op, a step up from the previous games. A ways off, yes, but it’s never too early to launch a hype train. (Kotaku)

Heavenly Sword Developers to Make Devil May Cry 5?

According to some blog entitled “The Silent Chief,” Game Informer’s May issue spills the beans on the future of Capcom’s Devil May Cry franchise. Supposedly, they’re turning to Heavenly Sword developer Ninja Theory to work on the series’ fifth installment. The Game Informer quote is as follows:

Loose Talk has learned that Enslaved isn’t the only game Ninja Theory is working on-we’ve heard that the Cambridge, England developer is being tapped for the next Devil May Cry.

It is not totally unexpected, however; Capcom has said that although it is shying away from Western developer for new IP, it would continue to utilize them for known franchises, which DMC certainly is.

Interesting. I have very little experience with Heavenly Sword, but given the type of gameplay it contains, Ninja Theory isn’t an odd choice by Capcom. Frankly, Devil May Cry is a franchise that needs a major shot in the arm if it’s going to continue on in any respectable form, especially after games such as Bayonetta have so thoroughly defeated it at it’s own game. (Pun intended…?) So, maybe this new creative leadership is exactly what it needs. (Kotaku via The Silent Chief)

Google Looking to Tap the Gaming Business?

Google has their hands in plenty these days, from cutting-edge smartphones to Google Chrome OS Laptops. So, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that they plan to do something in the realm of videogames.

Google recently hired an ex-SCEA employee named Mark DeLoura, who formerly acted as Sony’s manager of developer relations. His official job title at Google is “Developer Advocate.” No details were offered as to what, exactly, he’ll be doing for Google, but it’s safe to assume that it has something to do with games. Speaking to GamaSutra, DeLoura said “I personally feel that Google hiring someone specifically to focus on games is a signal from the company that they recognize the growing importance of games as a medium.”

With the iPhone becoming a more and more legitimate gaming platform, I’m sure Google is looking to follow suit with their line of Android OS smartphones. Then again, it is Google. Why stop there? They could do practically anything. (Gizmodo)

Reggie Calls 3DS Nintendo’s “Next Handheld Platform”

We already knew this, really, but if there was any doubt before, Nintendo’s 3DS is without question a true successor to the Nintendo DS. Not another re-tooling, but a full-fledged successor. In an interview with BusinessWeek, Fils-Aime said that “We have ideas of what we want to bring to the consumer that we can’t do with the current DS model.”

He also says some stuff about how the business is all about software and blah blah blah. Of course, I agree with him, but Nintendo’s kinda lost their right to talk about quality software if you ask me. (VG247)

I Can’t Buy a 3D Television

Well, yes, my lack of money is a factor as well. But, there’s more to it. Samsung is prepping to roll out their line of 3D-enabled TV sets this year, and they all come with a set of “do nots” that will probably make your head spin. Below is their safety warning, in its entirety:

“Children and teenagers may be more susceptible to health issues associated with viewing in 3D and should be closely supervised when viewing these images. Children under the age of six should not view 3D TV.”

“Pregnant women, the elderly, sufferers of serious medical conditions, those who are sleep deprived or under the influence of alcohol should avoid utilising the unit’s 3D functionality.”

“Viewing 3D television may also cause motion sickness, perceptual after effects, disorientation, eye strain and decreased postural stability. It is recommended that users take frequent breaks to lessen the potential of these effects. If your eyes show signs of fatigue or dryness or if you have any of the above symptoms, immediately discontinue use of this device and do not resume using it for at least thirty minutes after the symptoms have subsided.”

“Watching TV while wearing 3D glasses for an extended period of time may cause a headache or fatigue. If you experience a headache, fatigue or dizziness, stop viewing TV and rest.”

More often than not, I have a beer at my side while I’m watching TV, or playing a game. In fact, I usually have several beers at my side. Most of them empty. So, Samsung can either find a way to accommodate me in this regard, or I can take my business elsewhere. (TechRadar)

And that’s that! Hope you enjoyed it. This will probably be a fairly relaxed week at Riddlethos.com, but we could all use a breather now and then, eh?

Alright…

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

That’s long enough. Where’s the banner? Riddlethosians, gather up your pitchforks!

Broke update: Still Broke

Fixed update: Charlie Weingartner is a god.

Holy crap

Monday, April 12th, 2010

Splinter Cell: Conviction looks really good. This was supposed to be Splinter Cell: Conviction Week, but I’m broke.

Also, Riddles is broke.

Therefore this is now “We’re Really Fucking Broke Week”. I’ll forgive Riddles for not making the banner yet because he makes them pretty much every week and he had my back for the Soapbox. Plus, it’s not like I delivered the Scatter Storming over the weekend. That’s for realz returning this Wednesday. Argh, I miss money.