Masturbation Week is finally over! Woo! Like Riddles said, this week marks a return to normalcy. Well, the closest to normal that Riddlethos can get, anyway. Hey! Look! Listen! and Scatter Storming will be making their glorious returns. Can you believe it’s almost been a month? I can! More importantly, nothing will be awarded anything.
Well…except for when Riddles declares a winner of his little Bayonetta competition.
…And I suppose Bayonetta will sort of be awarded a score in its review.
Fuck you, all right?! I’m rusty!
Anyway, back to the point. Where the crap did Darksiders come from? I think I read a random article about it once a few months ago. Then nothing. Then impulse purchase. Then AMAZINGNESS. Seriously. Imagine taking Link, injecting him with that titan stuff from Arkham Asylum, then slapping God of War combat that is more fun and presented in a more appealing art style with an overall more enticing presentation. For whatever reason, Darksiders just does over the top epic best. The music doesn’t always beat you over the head, but it’s always good, and the puzzles don’t feel thrown in. Sure, they might be directly ripped out of Zelda, but they are still quality.
Seriously though, I got a boomerang in the first dungeon, then lit bombs on fire with it by passing it through a lantern. Then the game’s version of Navi said his version of “Hey! Look! Listen!” and gave me hints on how to beat the mini-boss.
But man, this is the “dark” Zelda I always thought I wanted as a kid. Now, I don’t really want that for Zelda anymore, but Darksiders has that fantasy covered anyway. Sure, I find keys in chests to unlock doors, but does Link unlock doors by SHOVING THE KEY INTO AN EYEBALL?!?! No. No he doesn’t.
This is also a title that uses an incredible art style to make it look visually stunning. It’s probably nowhere near Uncharted 2’s level of technical excellence, but Darksiders is still one of my favourite games to look at this generation. No foolin’. But I think I’ll beat and review it this week, so I should stop going into so much detail and go back to work.
For now, I’ll leave you with a Penny Arcade comic I found after I made that “Link injected with titan” comment.