Home Upcoming Reviews About
Ethos and Riddles talk about video games...
            Can you handle it?
by Ethos

Yo!

Monday, December 20th, 2010

Hey guys, I know Break Week is next week, but I’ve been hiding out a bit. Writing a Scatter Storming late tomorrow night, might even record that video rant if I find a suitable camera. Hang tight!

Whatever

Saturday, December 11th, 2010

Chex Quest doesn’t work on my computer and my girlfriend’s over before leaving for practically a month.

So… this is a gimmick week. I’ll have a Scatter Storming for you next week, however, because it’ll be the last chance before end-of-year Riddlethos madness begins. Believe me, this is the calm before the storm.

In the meantime, said girlfriend spoiled me with gifts including the ability to buy Golden Sun and Assassin’s Creed II. Both are awesome so far.

I’ll try to get a Modern Family review out too because this week was really good. SPOILERS!

Duwhat, now?

Friday, September 17th, 2010

Ethos may be posting pictures of sorry-looking dogs in hopes of garnering your sympathies, but I say fuck that. Halo: Reach Week? Who gives a shit? Not me, that’s for dayum sure.

Okay, well, I realize that a lot of people give a shit about Halo: Reach, but I am not among them. As such, I can’t be expected to shell out $60 for the game. Ethos, however, is the one who wanted to have the week, so I would have figured that he’d have come up with something. I’d hold Pogo accountable, since he’s apparently been commissioned to write about the game, but he doesn’t actually work for our site.

My experience with Halo doesn’t go further than a couple of futile attempts to play through the original game’s campaign. And yes, I’m talking about the original Halo for the original Xbox. The game just never managed to hold my interest. So, I never bothered with any other games in the series. Maybe I should have; I’ll admit that both Reach and last year’s ODST piqued my interest to a mild extent.

But. Speaking frankly: I doubt I’ll ever bother with a Halo game.

Know what else releases this week? Not a game, but an exciting new peripheral: the PlayStation Move. The internets are abuzz with haters and fanboys alike offering their emphatic opinions on Sony’s attempt to break into the motion-control market. Viral videos such as this one tend to only egg both sides on:

This was made by some media group called Wolfbreeder, but I’m guessing they were, y’know, paid by Sony to do it. I doubt they’d care to promote the thing otherwise.

In any case, this video has generated high-running emotions on both sides. If Kotaku’s message forums are any indication, at least. This man, for example, seems to appreciate Sony’s no-holds-barred attack on the Nintendo Wii:

Geert Wilders is clearly a man who’s been burned numerous times by Nintendo and its Wii. Meowmixx responded, asking simply:

A just question. Wilders’ response? As follows:

I actually took the time to google Geert Wilders. He’s a Dutch politician and leader of the Party for Freedom (PVV), the third leading political party in the Netherlands. According to Wikipedia, which is always 100 percent correct, he advocates banning the Quran, taxing women who wear headscarfs, and ending all immigration from Muslim countries.

I was unable to determine if he, in fact, has ballz of steel.

God damn, I love the internet.

~Riddles

p.s., Ethos says he’s going to write stuff this week, but I don’t believe him. His girlfriend’s in the same town as him now, and as we all know, women ruin everything.

p.p.s, I have tomorrow off, so look for a super-special double-sized TGS edition of Hey! Look! Listen!

Hey! Look! Listen!

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

HeyLookListenLogo1

Yes, it’s me. And yes, it’s Sunday. I’m not going to make this a “Riddles is a Lazy Jackass Edition” because I was also one of those things. Anyway, I was feeling nostalgic and decided to check news on the Nintendo Wii for the first time in weeks and weeks, so that’s what you’re getting today. Old Nintendo news. Excited? Let’s do this.

Looks cool, sure, but also like Twilight Princess...

Looks cool, sure, but also like Twilight Princess...

Nintendo spills the beans on some e3 plans
Woo, big surprises here. Mario and Zelda. While Galaxy 2 will very likely be a blast and I’m curious to see if Nintendo can save the slow death of the console Zelda, it’s not enough to get me giddy like it used to. But although it should be expected, it’s very hilarious that Nintendo plans on spending a hefty portion of their press conference showing off the Wii Vitality Sensor. I just mentioned this on the Megaphone’s Ahoy! Podcast, but why the hell would anybody want a device for gaming that literally requires you to stay as still as possible. I believe we had all hoped this had quietly disappeared into the terrible idea ether, but Nintendo seems intent in pushing forth. Oh well, we all need a good laugh. (IGN)

Major RPGs hitting up the Wii
Hmm… I don’t know what to make of this. Xenoblade, the supposed – but not confirmed – next title in the Xenosaga series will make an exclusive appearance, and a brand new Mistwalker brainchild, The Last Story will also be exclusive to Nintendo’s confused little console. While these strike me as potentially high quality titles, The Crystal Bearers and Tales of Symphonia 2 also had my hopes up. Dragon Quest IX on the DS makes sense to me, but I don’t think epic RPGs make sense on the Wii. Or at least they absolutely haven’t yet. (IGN)

Seriously, Mistwalker? The Last Story? You’re not even trying anymore.
At least “Lost Odyssey” tried to hide the fact that its title was a Final Fantasy rip-off. It also sounded cooler. Even if the game rocks, that name never will. (See: Kingdom Hearts: Dumb Name)

Metroid: Dumb Name seems to still exist.
Just like the Wii Vitality Sensor appeared to be a gimmick to make Oprah fans happy during the e3 press conference last year, hardcore fans were beginning to think that Metroid: Other M was a stunt to stave off angry fanboys who were finally beginning to crack under Nintendo’s heavily casual new direction. But, just like Nintendo’s stupid pulse checker, the newest game with the dumbest name has popped back into the news. There’s a Japanese teaser website that, of course, says nothing, but Nintendo did say that they’re aiming for a Summer 2010 release. …also just for Japan. Anyway, I’m not a massive Metroid fan, but I’ve got a casual eye on this game. (IGN)

Harder to keep in your pocket...

Harder to keep in your pocket...

iPad not scaring Sony and Nintendo.
Or not according to Sony and Nintendo, anyway. But what else would you expect? John Koller of Sony tried to make Apple’s success their own by stating,

“Apple’s entrance into the portable gaming space has been a net positive for Sony, when people want a deeper, richer console, they start playing on a PSP.”

Nintendo President, Satoru Iwata instead went on the slightly ironic attack by simply stating,

“It was a bigger iPod Touch”

I miss the fighting. Come back to us, Nintendo. (IGN)

Anyway, that’s that. Better than nothing, right? No? Piss off.

Hey, Wait a Minute…

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

Ethos?

Ethos…?

Ethan? Ethan Pipher?

Jonathan?

Johnny Pipes?

ETHOS?!

Where is that asshole?