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            Can you handle it?
by Ethos

The Five Sexiest Chicks in Gaming – Honourable Mention: Sheena Fujibayashi

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

That poor Tales series. Always just getting the boot in our lists, or if they do make a list, it’s for a failure. That’s probably because the series is decidedly mediocre. However, Sheena definitely made the most legitimate run yet of any Tales contender. Tales of Symphonia is a game with two awful, awful protagonists. Lloyd and Colette are annoying, shallow, stupid fucks who make me want to stab my ears with pitchforks and my eyes with the bones of children. Strangely enough, from that dredge emerges Sheena, a complex, interesting, and likable character. Sure, she’s full of the usual Tales gimmick, but it’s toned down when compared to a character like Raine who just punches people for “comedic effect” every two minutes.

Sheena’s personality may be nothing new – a sensitive girl with a tough outer shell – but her story is actually compelling. She’s pulled in multiple directions emotionally, with her home town putting many different kinds of pressure on her as well as being forced to rethink the foundation of her beliefs. I actually found myself caring about Sheena’s emotional arc, and she’s probably the major reason I was left with a positive impression of my time with that title.

I mean, that battle system is fun, but there’s only so much of Lloyd and especially Colette that one can take.

Oh, let’s not forget Sheena’s killer bod, great voice actor, and powerful summon magic in battle. She wasn’t quite good enough to make our top five, but definitely deserves the honourable mention.

The Five Sexiest Dudes in Gaming – Honourable Mention: Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

Shut up.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt may not be in a video game, but the dude is so damn sexy that he still warrants an honourable mention for our top five list.

The kid may have had a rough start to his respectable actor credibility by playing the part of an ancient alien stuck in a teenage boy’s body during 3rd Rock From The Sun, but he swiftly started taking roles that would redefine him.

JGL started his journey to extreme sexydom with his role in Brick. He pulled off the fast-talking, brilliant loner of Brendan without a hitch and moved onto the incredibly challenging role of Chris Pratt in The Lookout. As if these two roles weren’t different enough, the sex machine even ventured into romantic comedy territory with (500) Days of Summer. Sure, it’s more intelligent and pretentious than the regular romcom, but Joseph Gordon-Levitt proved that he can play any role with an incredible amount of integrity and talent.

And all this was before he kicked all sort of ass in Inception. Let’s face it, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the perfect man, and anybody should be content to be one quarter of the man he is.

I mean, c’mon, the guy is so sexy, he just made a list of sexiest dudes in gaming, and he’s not even in one!

I haven’t even mentioned his articulation, passion, and wisdom beyond his years. Any man, woman, or child would take the opportunity to be held in this man’s arms.

Perhaps this entire article is counter-intuitive to JGL’s opinion of the pointlessness of celebrity, but the dude is pure beauty, I had no choice but to gush about him for 300 words.

You think these lists are finally over? Forget about it! Riddles and I each got to veto a choice of the other’s off the Sexy Chicks list, so we’re going to bitterly defend our picks that got vetoed off by the other. Look forward to that brilliance!