Riddles knew. He fucking knew that I was planning a big 25th anniversary issue of Scatter Storming. He knew that it was going to be up a little bit later because I wanted it to be big. He knew I’ve been going to bed relatively early, so he scooped in and made the most ugly piece of shit cover ever. I’m sorry, maybe my Bioshock 2 banner was crappy, but Riddles is supposedly the pro at Photoshop. I put actual time and care into my Scatter Storming covers, and I’m fucking proud of how they’ve been turning out with this new magazine theme. At least when I did Hey! Look! Listen!, I did a good job and like to think I was actually doing the feature proud.

Well fuck that shit, we’re doing memes aimed at each other’s insecurities? Let’s do it.

It’s fucking true and he knows it. HE came up with Scatter Storming?! Yeah, right. I’m sorry, all of Riddles’ ideas are “let’s have a news feature” or “I got it! Editorials!” Brilliant stuff, asswipe. Read the first one, I didn’t mention Riddles, and I would have because he wasn’t being a complete titpuncher back then. It’s simple, Riddles is jealous of me. He’s jealous of where I live, he’s jealous of my friends, he’s jealous of my personality, he’s jealous of my job, he’s jealous of my looks, and he’s jealous of my romantic success. Speaking of…

Yup, sorry buddy, but you just constantly strike out when it comes to love. I would talk about how infrequently you have sex, but I don’t want to get really depressed. Of course, Riddles might tell all of you otherwise, but seriously, would you trust a perpetually drunk and depressed Murfreesboronian? Hell, let’s throw in another meme of that for good measure.

So how about that, fucker? Don’t fucking steal my feature when I’ve proven that I can run it just fine. You didn’t even get the format right, I’m very particular with staying consistent with stuff I care about on this site. Obviously that’s not the case with you. And I’m not going to write another HLL for you because that’s probably what you want. Even less work.

Oh yes, that’s a jab at your work ethic. I’ve seen you fly off the handle because of shit like that before, so go ahead. Make my day.