Hello, and welcome to Riddlethos.com. More specifically, welcome to the Thursday edition of Hey! Look! Listen!, the prized centerpiece of our site.
Okay, that might be a BIT cocky on my part, but it’s my column (and my site, too) so I can say whatever I want. Quite a liberating feeling, in all honesty.
By the time you’re reading this, I doubt it will be Thursday, but you know better than to expect timeliness anyway. Curse the necessity of working for one’s living.
Onward and forward!
Announcement of Final Fantasy XIII North American Release Date Coming Soon
This almost seems too… easy? I dunno. It’s not a leaked document or a sketchy rumor, it’s simply a casting call from Los Angeles based ad agency. They’re looking for someone to read a script during a “never bef0re seen” look at Final Fantasy XIII, and according to the slide, during this exclusive look, the release date will be announced. Don’t believe me? Look down.
For posterity, I’ll make the same obvious observation that every other site has made: if this is going to be a “never-before seen” look, then it will LIKELY take place BEFORE the Japanese release of the game, which is December 17. Why? Because as soon as the game is out in Japan, every last second of it will be documented on YouTube.
HAHAHAHA: Nintendo Finally Sees a Decline in Profits
HA HA HA HA HA
Sorry. Um…
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Erm. So sorry. Anyway. Everyone’s favorite Nintendo is reporting, for the first time in six years, a decline in profits. For the six months ending September 2009, they reported a 34.5 percent drop in net sales compared to the same period last year, and a 53.4 percent drop in net income.
The number of actual Wiis sold during that six months amounted to 5.75 million – a 10.1 million decrease from the same period last year.
Nintendo’s reasoning for this decline? Get ready, it’s pretty rich: “appreciation of the yen and the price cut on ‘Wii’ hardware.”
…price cut? Um. Are they possibly talking about the price cut that was enacted, y’know, a MONTH ago?
They never, ever cease to amaze.
Modern Warfare 2 Will Feature Skippable Scenes of Brutality
You’ve all seen the airport massacre scene from the upcoming Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. (If you haven’t, refer to the previous HLL.) Pretty brutal stuff, eh? Well, apparently there’s more where that came from. In a statement to Kotaku, Activision stated that many scenes in Modern Warfare 2 are designed to “evoke the atrocities of terrorism.” Makes sense, seeing as it’s a game about, y’know, Modern Warfare.
However, if you find the massacre of innocents at an airport (by terrorists, mind you!) just a little too distasteful, you can choose to skip it altogether. From the statement:
“At the beginning of the game, players encounter a mandatory “checkpoint” in which they are warned that an upcoming segment may contain disturbing elements and they can choose not to engage in the gameplay that involves this scene.”
Hrm. Well, I’ll refrain from comment until we tackle this NEXT story.
Modern Warfare 2 Could be Banned in Australia
SPEAKING of that oh-so-brutal, entirely skippable airport scene, word of it has reached our friends in Australia, and they aren’t happy. The Sydeny Morning Herald has a headline that says: “Outrage as Terrorist Game Lets Players Massacre Civilians.”
Hooo, boy.
The Australian Council on Children and the Media is calling to have the game’s MA15+ rating re-considered. This, of course, would effectively ban it from the country, because there’s no higher rating to give it. Jane Roberts, the apparent spokesperson for this organisation, had this to say:
“The consequences of terrorism are just abhorrent in our community and yet here we are with a product that’s meant to be passed off as a leisure time activity, actually promoting what most world leaders speak out publicly against,” said Roberts, who is also the principal policy officer in Western Australia’s Department of Premier and Cabinet.
“We understand that it’s a game but … we’re not far off when you look at the images that you could actually put it on a Channel Nine news report and you’d think maybe that is real.
“If that material was on the internet about how to become a terrorist, how to join a group and how to wipe out people – that would be removed because it would not be acceptable.”
Yes, I had to include ALL of that, because it’s all… so… stupid. It’s SO stupid, in fact, that I’m not even going to waste time explaining to you why it’s stupid. Instead, I will simply say this: Modern Warfare 2 is a piece of interactive (note INTERACTIVE) fiction that tells a story about (you guessed it) Modern Warfare. A film would show a pre-recorded segment of terrorists gunning down civilians and nobody would bat an eye.
Although I must once again note: I HIGHLY doubt that Activision finds this excess media attention undesirable.
First Epic Mickey Screens Revealed.
After weeks of staring at gorgeous concept art, I was almost afraid to see what Epic Mickey would actually look like as a game. However, now that the moment of truth has finally arrived, I admit to being pleasantly surprised. There’s a touch of Kingdom Hearts here to be sure, but by and large, this is Disney magic in a way we’ve never seen it before. Anticipation = through the roof. My favorite screen is below; check ‘em all out on 1UP
Hugh Jackman to Play Nathan Drake?
Let it be clear that I do NOT want to see Uncharted turned into a movie. It’s a game that delivers an experience that only a game could deliver, and to see it converted to a modern-day Indiana Jones ripoff would hurt my heart.
Regardless, this is pretty interesting. Nolan North, voice actor for the infamous Nathan Drake, spoke a little about the Uncharted movie on PlayStation Magazine UK’s podcast:
“Jackman is who I’d like to see. I think the producers would like to see Jackman too, because he has that tough guy exterior, but [...] there’s also a lot going on behind his eyes. A lot of emotion and sensitivity on that brusque exterior, and he has great comic timing. He’s a phenomenal actor. I just hope I get a part on the movie so I can work with Hugh.”
The only way I could possibly, POSSIBLY get behind an Uncharted movie is if North himself played the titular role of Drake. However, Hollywood being what it is, I know that will never happen.
Alright, enough is enough. That was monstrous. In case you care, (because I certainly don’t) Nintendo has announced yet another DSi with a screen that’s 93% bigger. So, all you “size matters” people can rejoice. The rest of us, I’m sure, will be perfectly content in not giving two shits. One shit, even.
Goodnight, folks. It’s been fun.
Well shoot, Swords and Sorcery Week is gone and I didn’t even get the chance to write some Dragon Age impressions.
Nintendo Discusses its High-Definition Future… Kinda
God of War Collection to Hit Stores November 17
Well, it’s not like this is particularly unexpected, but newsworthy nonetheless. In the wake of a redesign and a dramatic price drop, the PlayStation 3 managed to beat out the Xbox 360 AND the Wii in the month of September. However, it’s worth noting that Nintendo’s DS remains on the top. Here are the numbers:
