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by Ethos and Riddles

Scatter Storming. Issue #012 “Too Much Hair Gel”

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

ss012To save this series from getting too classy, I decided to at least choose an embarrassing photo for this week’s cover art. Anyway, Wind Waker’s still pretty sweet, but let’s see what I have to say with my typical lack of preparation that’s necessary for this feature.

Mr. Cloud Man! -
Remember that guy? My DSi has gone through many trials of being left places, losing chargers, and having good games come out for it. But now I’ve finally finished the toon and I’m just working on animating the “The End”. Progress!

I didn’t end up playing Wind Waker Tonight -
Yeah, it turns out when you’re not used to having TV, and then you move to a new place that has TV, including some choice HD channels, you forget about playing Wind Waker and end up writing your Scatter Storming article 2 hours after you wanted to go to bed. My life, people.

Mass Effect 2 is going to be like a blowjob -
Awesome, and not happening soon enough. It’ll also likely end messy. That trailer that Riddles posted reminded me how excited I am for that game. I need to beat so many games before then because if the original is any indication, it will consume me. Um…like…a blow job.

Mario Bros can be hard -
That secret world? I unlocked one of the levels. The first one. Yeah, it’s refreshingly not easy. Not that the game is easy, but it’s nice to have that extra level of difficulty.

Holy shit, stupid TV -
Seriously, I just watched some of the stupidest shit I’ve seen in my entire life, and you all have to suffer for it.
FUCK YOU!!!
Ugh, see what’s happening to me? I don’t mean that. I just regret the past…7, 8 hours of my life. Seriously, I love you guys.

Can you believe I started this 5 hours ago? -
I can’t.

Worst Scatter Storming ever -
Seriously. I’m very, very sorry. The title should read “Too Much Suck Gel”. Weekend starts tomorrow. Let’s try to turn this train wreck around then, hm?

Scatter Storming. Issue #010 “10th Issue Extravaganza!!!”

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

ss010I’ll admit, this cover is pretty terrible even by my standards. Still! Let’s not focus on the bad because today we have reason to celebrate! For some disgusting and twisted reason, I have been able to churn out 10 of these ridiculous nonsense-filled bizarre-fests on a surprisingly timely schedule. So let’s continue into this triumphant issue with our heads high, our brains scattered, and our expectations low!

I wanna play more Mario Bros -
It’s the truth! I gotta say, that game is massively addicting. Even Nate Liles agrees. Take our text conversation from earlier today for example:

Nate Liles: NSMB is freaking amazing.
Ethos: Told ya! Non-stop awesomeness!
Nate Liles: AC2 is good too.
Ethos: So I hear. I don’t doubt it’s great, I’m just not interested.
Nate Liles: Wow. That’s rude. Go edit Kim Kardashian’s butt into my bedroom
Ethos: I’m on it.
Nate Liles: God, I hope so! She is a cutie with a booty

Perhaps that whole thing wasn’t relevant, but then again everything is relevant when Nate Liles is involved.

It’s now a day later! -
This is also true! I wrote that intro and first story yesterday. Since then, I’ve actually “beat” New Super Mario Bros Wii, but there are many levels I haven’t even played yet, and lots of star coins to collect. Hell, I might even write my first Riddlethos review for the mother fucker.

Review Controversy -
Continuing in that stream of thought, how would you guys like to see my reviews formatted? Riddlethos currently has a policy against numerical scores on reviews, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to necessarily not have a score of some sort. Riddles has suggested a Ethometer of sorts. Thoughts?

Apparently Magna Carta 2 doesn’t suck -
I was skimmin’ ye olde RPGamer today and saw the review for Magna Carta 2. I just needed a reason to give this a try, and now I have it. I need to beat Dragon Age so I can move on. I’ll take a hack at it tonight!

I got some art assets I never showed you kids -
When I did that Zelda preview last week, I was later given access to some artwork. Most of it is floating around somewhere, but is it floating around WITH PATENTED ETHOS MS PAINT COMMENTARY?! I didn’t think so! So in honour of this, the 10th Issue Extravaganza, I bring you:

A Bunch Of Art Screens With Stupid Writing On It, And By A Bunch, I Mean Just Four.

Spirit Tracks01
Argh, I’m thrilled and all that Zelda gets to join in the fun, I’m just prepping myself for a lot of cringe worthy stereotypes.

Spirit Tracks02
Seriously, I just need to leave this one alone.

Spirit Tracks03
ZOH MY GOD, SPOILERZ.

Spirit Tracks04
Yup, no words.

That’s it! I had a few more screens, but I need to get to work, and this issue is already late enough. Look forward to many, many more beautiful Scatter Stormings!

Indisputable Proven Fact.

Monday, November 16th, 2009

New Super Mario Bros Wii - Box Art
It is ridiculous amounts of fun, and my thumb is killing me…WITH PLEASURE!

New Super Mario Bros Wii Preview

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Well dear readers, here at Riddlethos, we finally got a chance to get a little preview on a game for you. I suppose I got Forza 3 early as well, but I didn’t talk about it much before its release and I don’t think there was an overwhelming interest either. Either way, I played New Super Mario Bros Wii for 70 minutes straight yesterday, and so I have definitely played enough to give you fine folks some detailed impressions.

nsmbw01The Expected
Oh no, you have to save Princess Peach. What a flipping surprise. While this is an entirely new game from the DS entry, the premise and set-up is exactly the same. You have the classic layout of worlds from the NES and SNES eras, a Bowser minion to fight at mini-castles and end-of-world castles, and multiple paths to unlock if you find the secret ending within a level. In fact, it’s all so predictable that after we beat the castle in the first world I said “bet you we go to a desert world next”. I was right. I was also then accused of seeing spoiler footage. I had not. But, of course, while no different, this is a classic set-up for a reason and the new mini-boss character models are a nice change although their move sets may barely be different. It also looks just like the DS game if not a little crisper. REALLY makes me want a 2D Mario game in HD though.

The Unexpected
NewSuperMarioBrosWii2Multiplayer rocks. It really does. I was quite skeptical, but it works, and it’s completely awesome. It’s annoying at times, sure, especially when your head keeps getting jumped on, but that can also be used as a technique to more easily get to certain areas. It’s also very balanced. If you’re playing with players far less skilled than you, they can just press the A button to float in a bubble to where the other players are. You can’t just have everybody just press A, though, you need at least one skilled player to make any progress. The result is that the skilled players still get the better power-ups, they still find the secret areas, and they don’t get annoyed by less skilled players bringing them down. Sometimes it’s just fun to goof around, however. Even in co-op, all four of us were laughing our asses off while riding Yoshis and spitting one poor soul back and forth between us. It’s a huge relief to see that even with all the measures to incorporate newbies, the hardcore Mario fans truly will not suffer. The play session also showed that the very strong Mario level design is still present. I am beyond excited to test out all these new levels. Even the first world proved that legitimate challenge has not been abandoned.

Almost Badass

Almost Badass

The Mix
Those goddamned motion controls. While I defend games like Excitebots and the pointer mechanics in Galaxy, I hate whenever moves are attached to random shaking. Granted, Nintendo being Nintendo, it works better in New Super Mario Bros Wii than in other games, and it is minimal, but I’d still rather press the B trigger button awkwardness be damned. However, there are a few tilt mechanics that do work, and add to the experience. The first player to jump onto certain platforms gets tilt power. That means the platform mirrors the player’s remote. It’s actually a fun mechanic, and along with the ice powers and propeller cap, a welcome addition.

The Outlook.
Really good. When this was announced, I was apathetic. I become mildly more excited as news was released, but now I’m full on pumped. I am buying it this Sunday, no question.

One of Two!

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

nsmbwI’m about to try out New Super Mario Brothers Wii. I’ll be back with impressions, to be sure. But that’s not it for this week! I’m also getting the chance to try out Link’s Choo Choo adventure this Thursday. It’s a bit of a Nintendo preview week for the Ethos half of Riddlethos. I hear Riddles is loving Modern Warfare 2, and you’ll probably be hearing from him soon, whether you want to or not.
I, for one, am curious.

Tingle! Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah!

Friday, October 30th, 2009

tingleheader
Despite Riddles’ (truly) great Hey! Look! Listen! yesterday/this morning, I found a few supplementary news items and previews that I think are worth mentioning. And what other title could be more perfect for the role of a Navi-themed column follow up? I know everyone hates Tingle, but the dude is fucking hilarious. He’s a 40 something year old dude in a creepy costume tied to a balloon selling maps! That is fucked up! It’s why I love Majora’s Mask, the games were still about personality, no matter how terrifying. Anyhoo, onto to the (previ)(n)ews.

New Super Mario Bros Wii Preview -
This will likely be the only other game I buy for the Wii this entire year (the first being Excite Bots). Although I thought it would be good anyway, it looks better than I anticipated. I have no idea how I’ll feel about the multiplayer, which I know is a focus, but the single player looks just as addicting and well-constructed as the 2D Mario games have ever been. Modern Warfare 2 on the same week, I think, but still. Should be a more than worthy purchase.

The Big Sisters were always Badass.

The Big Sisters were always Badass.

Bioshock 2 Preview -
Yes, I’m aware of the irony, but this preview actually made me excited for Bioshock 2 for the first time ever since it was announced. I never thought I’d say this, but I think it has potential. I liked the first one quite a bit. Great mood, tight gameplay and all that. I just never thought it was the total masterpiece that Riddles would claim while drooling profusely and speaking in tongues. Either way, for the first time, it looks like this sequel might live up to the first one in my eyes. Another game worthy of purchase.

Wii HD with Blu-Ray Next Year? -
This is the second story after that stupid DSi LL story if you watch the video. I agree with Chobot’s tone on the story: skeptical. We all know Nintendo in the past 3-4 years. High technology hasn’t exactly been their philosophy. Still, with Miyamoto’s recent comments, and with the high-def format war being won, I don’t think it’s entirely out of the question that Nintendo would plan to be part of the future mass-market. HD screens are far more common than they were when the Wii was announced, and as oblivious as Nintendo can be, they do know where the money is, and high-def is no longer just for the elite. I’m obviously being optimistic because a HD system would theoretically attract more developers who would make more games that I would care about, but a boy can dream. Plus, Nintendo won’t be in SD forever, but I’ll be as surprised as everyone else if the switch is as soon as next year.

Hey! Look! Listen!

Friday, October 16th, 2009

HeyLookListenLogo1
Well, well, well.
I was wondering why yesterday’s content felt a bit light. I thought maybe I should have said some more things about Brutal Legend since I played some more, or maybe there should have been more random pictures with stupid MS Paint scribblings. I don’t know, but the balance just felt off. Then I realized that Oliver FuckCock didn’t post a Hey! Look! Listen! Whatever!
This is MY bitch for the day. Get ready for the news ETHOS (and IGN) style!!!

Mass Effect 2 Release Date Announced

Yes! January 26th! Mass Effect and Uncharted are my two favourite retails games this generation, hands down. So to have both of these high profile sequels coming out practically within three months of each other is perfect. There are supposed to be pre-order bonuses too, but I don’t give a shit about those, so read the article if you care. I’m moving on. (IGN)

New Xbox and DS? Buh?

Yeah, apparently there have been some sort of chip deals and insider info pointing to the successors of the Xbox 360 and the Nintendo DS. The going rumour is that the new DS will be revealed at TGS 2010, and the new or “refreshed” Xbox is due out in 2012. Given that the DS is doing just fine and that Nintendo likes to hide away in a corner and cry during TGS, I’m with IGN on this one in guessing that the DS news is bogus. And I don’t care about a new generation of consoles. We’re doing just fine for a while. (IGN)

250GB Playstation 3 Coming

I suppose to mirror the 360, Sony is going to have two (and hopefully ONLY two) SKUs come this holiday season. Putting anything Microsoft has out to shame, the high end Playstation is 250 gigs. Buuttt, it’s an extra fifty bucks. Cool for those who still don’t have a PS3 at this point. (IGN again)

Miyamoto Impresses Ethos for the First Time in a While

miyamotoI know the headline doesn’t really imply news, but this interview does have some new information on the fast approaching New Super Mario Bros Wii. Miyamoto, while deserving of his legendary status, hasn’t really impressed me recently. He – along with the rest of Nintendo – seem to be off in their own crazy little Nintendo bubble. I would hold out hope that he would be bringing me the same joy he brought to me with Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time, but instead I would get Wii Music. His interviews at gaming shows and conventions would be very veiled and casual-oriented. Therefore, I was actually quite pleased with most of the content in this interview. He talks candidly about difficulty levels, user-created content, skilled gamer tricks, moving to HD, and generally shows off his wealth of experience. Just by reading some of the things he says, you can start to understand his truly unique and earnest way at looking at video game development. Of course, he’s not always out of his bubble – he shows explicit ignorance at where Microsoft and Sony are at with console interface and internet connectivity – but it’s overall the best read I’ve had from a Miyamoto interview in years. Who knows, maybe it was just my mood. Incidentally, I agree with him about the Super Guide “feature”. It’s optional, and it’s just providing what people would go to the internet for anyway. It doesn’t show secret areas and it even rewards you for not using it. (Still IGN)

This Story Didn’t Make the Cut

tooboring

Seriously, who cares?

That’s it! Isn’t it a billion times better than any shit Riddles cooks up?
The answer is yes.
Suck it, assholes!