To: Oliver Motok
Feel free to make a completely different one. It’s really bad.
Oh man, it’s been a while since I’ve written you. Maybe it’s my work schedule wearing down on me a bit, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been a little sick, I don’t know. Either way I’m sorry. But, if it makes you feel any better, this stupid Assassin’s Week is going to be for me what Forza 3 Week was to you: stupid, dumb, and stupid and dumb. In GOOD game news, it feels weird to be excited for Nintendo games again. Excepting Excitebots, Mario Galaxy was the last game I really cared about from those guys. But now, New Mario Bros is kicking all sorts of ass, and Link’s Choo Choo ridiculousness isn’t nearly as disappointing as I expected from the brief hour I spent with it. Man, I wish I got more sleep before that event, I felt like a tool the whole time. That probably would have happened with sleep anyway, I just need to get used to those press gigs. I’m just rambling, I want to be home playing more Dragon Age. I got slightly tired of it when I played it NON-STOP over the weekend, but I’m ready for another dose. Especially because the Wii’s at Pogo’s so I can’t play Mario.
Okay, that’s all I got. Oh yeah, I got some screens from that media event, but I didn’t have them in time for the preview, but I wanted to show you this hilarious dude. Sooo…I attached a picture of a hilarious dude. Bye.
“Ethos Presents Forza 3 Week?”
So, let me get this straight: instead of showcasing the pure, orgasmic awesomeness of BioShock and its upcoming sequel, we’re having a week based on some dumb RACING GAME?
Yeah, I know it’s a bit late to complain, but it still hurts. Oh, and in case you haven’t noticed, your Forza 3 Week SUCKS. A lot. Unless you manage to whip up some amazing shit for these remaining four days, I will officially label this week a failure. But then, you’re used to those, now aren’t you?
Like my latest HLL implied, you are a stupid, scheming, theme-week stealing douchebag. You also have gay hair.
Speaking of HLL, there WILL be one tonight, but not until late. I’m actually at work right now, but we’re rather dead, so I figured I’d take the time to write you some well-deserved hate mail.
By the way, I know you haven’t played any Brutal Legend lately, but how far did you get? I’ve played a decent bit over the last few days, and let me tell you, some of those later battles get fucking BRUTAL.
HAHAHAHA SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!
Erm. Anyway. The battles really DO get difficult, and I’m actually kinda pissed off at the game right now. I’ve considered the possibility that I might, in fact, just suck ass. To confirm this, I need to know if you’ve played (and completed) the same battle I’m stuck on.
But then I remember that you’re never on AIM, because you’re a reclusive asshole. So, uh. HINTHINT.
Anyway. That’s all I guess.
p.s: do you plan on buying Modern Warfare 2? If so, which system? We could totally online-multiplayer that shit up.
p.p.s: nobody cares about Forza 3. NOBODY
p.p.p.s: I love you, man
Bioshock 2 Week. I don’t even remember HOW you convinced me to do that shit.
We’re having a hard enough time coming up with content for this week, how the hell are we supposed to talk about a shady sequel that doesn’t come out for a while?
Oh well, at least we know to not do the same week twice in a row unless we’re prepared. We just beat Uncharted 2 REALLY quickly, and Forza 3 unexpectedly threw me off the Brutal Legend path. Oh yeah, speaking of, I should probably tell the readers that the “secret early game” I got was Forza 3. They’ll be disappointed, but too bad. The game is THE SHIT!! So fucking good. Anyway, to prove that I got it early, I took a picture of my copy on top of my favourite shirt. I would tell you to look and drool, but I know you care about it just as much as I care about Bioshock 2. You haven’t even responded to me yet, so I don’t know why I’m even writing this. Work needs to slow down soon and we need to start making some cash off of this site. Advertising campaigns? Contests? Theft? I’m going to play more Forza. Later, asshat.
Glad you blew your load for Uncharted 2. Sorry for taking so long to get back to you but I’ve been busy, y’know, posting Hey! Look! Listen!s. No big deal or anything, you prick.
Okay, that’s not fair because I wanted to do it, and called you to tell you I would, but still: I thought that “dropped” story was fucking hilarious and nobody else seemed to share that idea. I just think you were raging with jealousy. But hey! When are you not?
Speaking of your RAGE: get over yourself with Assassin’s Creed! It’s NOT worth Chris and Mikel’s time. Apparently the second one takes to heart all the shooting in the foot that the first one does, so why not start there? What you’re suggesting is like “Oh no no, eat that mushy bruised apple and THEN eat that fresh ripe one. It’ll build character”. I actually praised Assassin’s Creed a lot more than I thought I would. Plus, we all have shitty games that we love, but most of us can admit that the game is shitty. Like me and Tecmo Stackers. MAN that game is awful, but god help me, I’ve played hours and hours and hours and hours of it and I’ve loved every one of them.
Anyhoo, to keep your trend of rambling, I should defend Prince of Persia. We both agree it is hardly amazing. And I agree that the combat is ultimately worse, but it’s the ONE place that PoP shows more potential than AC (DLC being ignored). But POTENTIAL aside, PoP is the clear victor. More interesting storyline? C’mon. Ohhh…ohhmygod…oh…I’m in a machine and some old man and some chick are trying to find something locked away in my minndd..ohhh. Gimme a break. To be fair, Prince of Persia’s story isn’t really any more interesting, but the characters are. The little chats with Lucy aren’t bad, but I had a much better time seeing how far I could take the proud and occasionally flirty ramblings of the Prince and Elika. Prince of Persia had the fair superior mood. The music was better, the art style was WAY better, I had 9875932807432 times more fun searching for the orbs than I did searching for those shitty ass flags. All said and done, Prince of Persia is MORE FUN and LESS ANNOYING than Assassin’s Creed, no matter how flawed both games are. GET OVER IT!
But I’m starting to sound like you, so I’d better stop before I kill myself.
Wow, this was really full of hate! I love you, man! You’d better fucking make it up here for the winter time. We’ve got foosball/gaming/3am-restaurant-going-to/legal drinking to do!
ps. I wonder if the readers are going to be HAPPY or ANGRY that next week is essentially a continuation of this week. Oh well, I guess we’ll find out! I think this week has gone well.
pps. I’ve attached that picture of a baby I drew for Lusipurr.com. Yes, it was originally meant to be baby Ethan, but it has multiple purposes.
On Chapter 11 of Uncharted 2. Absolutely amazing so far, as expected. Unless some other game out of the blue manages to blow my mind, I think I’ve found my game of the year. Assassin’s Creed 2 is really the only other possible contender I can think of.
ON that note, I have to say, your anti-Assassin’s Creed stance is really starting to piss me off. I mean it was bad enough when you blasted it on our site, but I wanted to wring your fucking neck when you told Chris and Mikel that it “wasn’t worth their time” on RPGcast. I mean seriously dude, just stfu. If you don’t like it, fine, just keep it to yourself. And yeah, I know that last week was backlog week, but if you were smart you would have chosen a less sensitive subject. You KNOW how fucking pissed I get about this stuff.
And I hate to keep rambling, but do you seriously think Prince of Persia was the better game? SERIOUSLY? I mean fuck, that game was essentially Assassin’s Creed’s mechanics with a fresh coat of paint, accompanied by crappier combat and a less interesting storyline. That’s ALL IT WAS. So y’know, I really don’t see where you’re coming from here, and I’m starting to think you may, in fact, be an idiot.
Anyway, uh, I forgot what I originally intended to write to you about, so I guess I’ll just text you in the morning or something. Just watch your tone from now on, or you risk me publicly blowing my lid.