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Ethos and Riddles talk about video games...
            Can you handle it?
by Ethos

The Five Sexiest Chicks in Gaming – Honourable Mention: Sheena Fujibayashi

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

That poor Tales series. Always just getting the boot in our lists, or if they do make a list, it’s for a failure. That’s probably because the series is decidedly mediocre. However, Sheena definitely made the most legitimate run yet of any Tales contender. Tales of Symphonia is a game with two awful, awful protagonists. Lloyd and Colette are annoying, shallow, stupid fucks who make me want to stab my ears with pitchforks and my eyes with the bones of children. Strangely enough, from that dredge emerges Sheena, a complex, interesting, and likable character. Sure, she’s full of the usual Tales gimmick, but it’s toned down when compared to a character like Raine who just punches people for “comedic effect” every two minutes.

Sheena’s personality may be nothing new – a sensitive girl with a tough outer shell – but her story is actually compelling. She’s pulled in multiple directions emotionally, with her home town putting many different kinds of pressure on her as well as being forced to rethink the foundation of her beliefs. I actually found myself caring about Sheena’s emotional arc, and she’s probably the major reason I was left with a positive impression of my time with that title.

I mean, that battle system is fun, but there’s only so much of Lloyd and especially Colette that one can take.

Oh, let’s not forget Sheena’s killer bod, great voice actor, and powerful summon magic in battle. She wasn’t quite good enough to make our top five, but definitely deserves the honourable mention.

The Honourable Mentions

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

Well well well, the official lists are done, and after such rigorous activity, I feel like I need a little wind down. Here are some stupid shits that were either too stupid too make the list, or perhaps there were too many variables. This will be a lot more brief than I anticipated, but I got places to BE!

talesThe Cleanup (Misses)-
Be careful. These are ALL from the Tales series…

Lloyd and Sheena: Sure, Lloyd was an idiot, but Sheena single-handedly made the game worth playing with the best voice acting of the bunch and a rockin’ bod. Because of all the multiple endings, you pretty much can end up with Sheena, but like I said: Lloyd’s a dumbass and deserves nobody.

Genus and Presea: Riddles hates me for this one, but I think Genus’ sweet childhood crush on what he thinks is a girl his age, but is really an adult trapped in a girl’s body could make way for some incredibly twisted and cool plot developments. Presea might be an adult on the inside, but how much does that matter if she is always treated like a child and eventually gives into her fate? I think it could have been pleasantly fucked up, but of course Tales of Symphonia teased and then dropped it.

Yuri and Judith: Judith is like a slightly less cool Sheena, but Yuri is like a NOT THE COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT BORING JACKASS THAT LLOYD IS. So something should have happened between this hot couple! And when they first meet, it’s amazing. There is sexual tension and flirting through the ear. Then they meet up with the rest of the gang and BLAMMO. It’s gone. Namco Bandai MUST be aware that they’re getting a rise and not finishing the job. Maybe that’s their fucked up fetish.

They really were sweet in an odd way...

They really were sweet in an odd way...

Friends With Benefits (Hits)-
Riddles wants Tifa and Cloud on the list, and I agree, but I’ll leave it to him if he has the time. If he doesn’t, know that we both have a soft spot for the guy with the over sized sword hooking up with the chick with over sized breasts.

Jack and Ridley: This couple very well could have made the official list if I had played the game more recently or more often. As it stands, I don’t quite remember the story enough to support their spot against the other romances. I just remember that Jack was a stupid but really sweet character that showcased some of the pure innocent emotions in young love. There’s a particular scene near one of the endings by a tree when Ridley has become far more robot-like, and Jack is just trying to admit feelings for Ridley. Jack was comic relief, but he was a far more honest character than one might anticipate.

Link and Malon: Screw Zelda, she’s annoying and hideous anyway, save Twilight Princess. Riddles was right was he talked me out of this because no romance is really ever explicitly implied except for when Malon’s dad says you can marry his daughter. And that doesn’t really count. But Link is such a stud that you can’t help but assume that Saria, Ilia, Ruto, Malon, Zelda, and even Nabooru all have the hots for him. So since I, in turn, assume that Link has his pick, I pick Malon. She’s feisty, smart, and hot. ‘Nuff said.

What do you think? You guys have been giving great feedback already listing many of your own choices: Elena and Nathan, Cole and Sasha, even Wander and Agro…
But no matter how twisted you are, keep ‘em coming. Who did miss, and what did we get wrong in your opinion?