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by Ethos

The Five Sexiest Chicks in Gaming – Honourable Mention: Sheena Fujibayashi

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

That poor Tales series. Always just getting the boot in our lists, or if they do make a list, it’s for a failure. That’s probably because the series is decidedly mediocre. However, Sheena definitely made the most legitimate run yet of any Tales contender. Tales of Symphonia is a game with two awful, awful protagonists. Lloyd and Colette are annoying, shallow, stupid fucks who make me want to stab my ears with pitchforks and my eyes with the bones of children. Strangely enough, from that dredge emerges Sheena, a complex, interesting, and likable character. Sure, she’s full of the usual Tales gimmick, but it’s toned down when compared to a character like Raine who just punches people for “comedic effect” every two minutes.

Sheena’s personality may be nothing new – a sensitive girl with a tough outer shell – but her story is actually compelling. She’s pulled in multiple directions emotionally, with her home town putting many different kinds of pressure on her as well as being forced to rethink the foundation of her beliefs. I actually found myself caring about Sheena’s emotional arc, and she’s probably the major reason I was left with a positive impression of my time with that title.

I mean, that battle system is fun, but there’s only so much of Lloyd and especially Colette that one can take.

Oh, let’s not forget Sheena’s killer bod, great voice actor, and powerful summon magic in battle. She wasn’t quite good enough to make our top five, but definitely deserves the honourable mention.

The Five Sexiest Chicks in Gaming – #1: Tifa Lockhart

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

I recognize that this is a fairly stereotypical first pick, but it’s justified. I’ve already stated that Mitsuru would be #1 if it were up to me, but that’s mostly because I’m in love with her. In reality, Final Fantasy VII’s Tifa Lockhart is infinitely more iconic, and frankly, just as sexy.

And boy, is she ever sexy. Maybe it was just the gigantic knockers, but even in the original PSX classic, Tifa manages to look mighty fine. Her sex appeal is shamelessly flaunted, and while it occasionally borders on the ridiculous, it’s no doubt a part of her character and a huge part of what made her such a symbol. And, while the jaggies may have worked against her in the original game, there were no such hindrances to her beauty in Advent Children – where she is, indeed, beautiful.

Like… well, everyone else on this list (with the possible exception of Jessica) Tifa kicks major ass. When I stop to ponder it, I’m not entirely sure why this is considered a sexy thing. Maybe it’s just because ass-kicking isn’t necessarily something generally associated with womanhood, or maybe because they all look so good while doing it. Especially Tifa. Why? Because she doesn’t necessitate the medium of weaponry. She dives right in with her bare hands. And that, my friends, is hot.

But, while Tifa may be able to throw down, she doesn’t necessarily put on a rough exterior. In fact, Tifa’s a fairly soft, nurturing sort of girl, and there’s nothing wrong with that. She’s eternally supportive and caring, especially when it comes to her childhood friend Cloud. And, let’s be honest, it takes quite a girl to put up with the sort of problems that Mr. Strife has. And poor Tifa, she’s known the guy since childhood. And yet, no matter how confusing or weird things get, she’s always managed to stand beside him. It’s almost tragic in a sense – during the events of Final Fantasy VII, when Cloud was relating events that never happened, she was forced to wonder if she was the one going crazy. But, as confusing and painful as that must have been for her, she was there through it all, culminating in my personal favorite part of the game when she and a cracking Cloud piece together his tortured past, while in the mystic confines of the Lifestream.

She’s gorgeous, she’s terrific in a fight, and she has an unbelievable capacity for compassion and understanding. Tifa Lockhart is one special female, and I have no qualms awarding her the #1 spot on our silly little list.

And that, as they say, is that. For the main lists, at least. Check back tomorrow for some honorable mentions, as well as the two “vetoes” – which are more or less what they sound like. Until then, sound off and tell us how much you disagree with our top honors.

The Five Sexiest Chicks in Gaming – #2: Mitsuru Kirijo

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

To preface, I’d like to say that Persona 3’s Miss Kirijo was my personal pick for the #1 Sexiest Chick in Gaming. Ethos, boob that he is, has never even played Persona 3, so we had to compromise. But, if this were Riddles.com – as it was for that glorious 24 hours or so – she’d be receiving top honors.

Why? Well, to begin, Mitsuru is probably the only videogame character I’ve ever had a legitimate crush on. As we all know, a crush can simply be a crush – it doesn’t necessarily need explanation, and oftentimes there is no legitimate explanation outside of the strictly superficial. So, perhaps Mitsuru gets a bit of a free pass in that regard – but this my website, so you can all live with it. (That includes you, Ethos.)

But, beyond that, there are plenty of reasons to love Mitsuru. She’s gorgeous, first of all. Red hair, fantastic body, and a pseudo-schoolgirl outfit = utter sex. Second, she compliments that beauty with an attitude of utter calm and cool. Mitsuru is the leader of the Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad (SEES) the organization you work with throughout the game to investigate the Dark Hour. She’s expected to be the cold, calculated mature one – even though she’s a high school student just like the rest. But she pulls it off, and pulls it off well. As far as strong, leaderly female videogame characters, there are none that match the lordly presence of Miss Kirijo.

Behind it all, though, Mitsuru has that essential soft spot. It shows itself on more than one occasion during the course of the game, and finally culminates in my personal favorite social link. The process of slowly breaking down her walls and finding the surprisingly vulnerable, human character behind them was probably one of my all-time personal favorite videogame moments. She may look like the girl who has it all, but in reality, she’s just a scared kid in an arranged marriage, doomed to inherit her father’s legacy – and more than anything, she just wants out. In some way, we can all relate to that, can’t we?

To be frank, Mitsuru kinda personifies the sort of woman I often find myself attracted to in real life: calm, collected, intelligent, and straightforward; but with a healthy dose of softness and humanity behind it all. If we ever do a list of “Videogame Characters We Wish were Real,” she’ll be at spot #1.

Ahem. But, Mitsuru is not real, crushing as that is to realize. Check back tomorrow for our #1 picks. ‘Till then, readers!

The Five Sexiest Chicks in Gaming – #3: Liara T’Soni

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

Mass Effect was a groundbreaking game in many ways. It gave choice and dialogue depth never seen before, and breathed life into a massive galactic universe. It also gave us hot softcore lesbian alien sex. Yes, not necessarily lesbian, I’m aware, but who seriously plays as a male Shepard?

But Dr. Liara T’Soni is not just sexy in the way she displays sideboob during her optional romantic encounter with Shepard. She is also thoughtful, intelligent, and honest if you take the chance to listen. Liara is young for her race – only 106 when you first meet her – and so her ensuing innocent excitement and nervousness when faced with her first real romance is extremely endearing.

Flash forward to Mass Effect 2, and Liara shows her multi-dimensional character when she becomes a hardass information broker tracking down an entity known as the Shadow Broker. This Liara has a thick shell due to the nature of her work, and the likelihood of her conversations being recorded, and it’s a little shocking. She even quotes her mother, who was a semi-villain from the first game. Still, this side of Liara just makes her more real and proves she can hold her own.

Speaking of, similar to…well…everyone on both these lists, Liara can kick some serious ass. She’s a powerful biotic, able to toss enemies all over the place with just the power of her mind. Factor in her seductive voice and cautiously flirtatious nature from the first game, and Liara was an easy pick for this list.

Plus, I’m pretty sure I had you all sold at lesbian alien sex.

The Five Sexiest Chicks in Gaming – #4: Samus Aran

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

I apologize for being typically late, but I had pressing business to attend with Mr. Daniel’s last night.

To celebrate the season of Summer, we’re spending this week at Riddlethos talking about hot videogame chicks. And dudes. But, thank goodness, I get to talk about a chick this time around.

Ironically, it’s a chick who spends most of her time inside a bulky suit of futuristic armor. Not so hot. But, thanks to Nintendo’s iconic Super Smash Bros. franchise, we’re occasionally given the opportunity to see “Zero Suit Samus” – which is the Samus you see pictured. Pretty hot, right? Shapely body, gorgeous flowing locks, and, of course, the ability to kick lots of ass.

So yeah, get her out of that armor, and she’s gorgeous. But aside from that, the truth is that we don’t know a whole lot about Miss Aran. Like most of Nintendo’s protagonists, she’s pretty damn quiet. This is set to change with the imminent release of Metroid: Other M, but we’re not quite there yet, and God only knows how that’ll go over anyway.

However, I’ve always believed that her mysterious nature makes her that much more attractive and interesting. It’s hard not to wonder what she’s thinking as she traverses the desolate alien landscapes seen in classic titles such as Super Metroid and Metroid Prime. The utter, crushing loneliness, and the sheer distance from all civilization would be enough to drive most people insane – yet she endures it. I mean, sure, she kinda has to or her games would suck – but nonetheless, I’ve always viewed it as an impressive thing. Samus may not have much to say on a general basis, but the connection made through the gameplay alone is a powerful thing.

So, for her iron will, unshakable resolve, and fantastic butt (once she’s outside of that damned armor) we at Riddlethos proclaim Samus Aran the #4 Sexiest Woman in Gaming.

That was the post I was supposed to write yesterday. Check back soon for the post I’m supposed to write today. Today happens to end in about… 26 minutes, but we’ll just ignore that fact for now.

The Five Sexiest Chicks in Gaming – #5: Jessica Albert

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

To turn the world upside down, Riddles started the sexy dudes list and I’m kicking off the sexy chick list. It’s Bizarro World, yes, but we like to keep you on your toes.

Jessica Albert has big boobs, can yield a whip, and has a British accent. Do I really need to explain why she’s sexy? This curvaceous firecracker isn’t just about the looks and sounds, though. She also is sassy, strong-willed, but also has that necessary soft spot for the people she cares about. Dragon Quest VIII is not really a game I praise for characters, but Jessica definitely helps redeem the point by countering Angelo’s smarm and Yangus’ stupidity with her wit, spunk, and – of course – sexiness.

Now Jessica has a number of points against her as well. While endearing, she’s not a particularly complex character, and she also turns evil and green for a time which is decidedly not sexy. Still, she has become a sex symbol of the PS2 era and required a mention on this lowbrow list.