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by Ethos and Riddles

TGS 2009: Hey! Look! Listen!

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Day two of the Tokyo Game Show is upon us, and there’s yet to be an announcement that even remotely interests me. Where’s the Kingdom Hearts III news? Where’s a North American FFXIII release date? Where’s a new Zelda announcement? Oh wait, that’s right, Nintendo doesn’t even attend TGS. Even if they were there, they’d just announce another fat people game. BAH.

Ah well, I suppose I’ll fill you in on the few things worth discussing.

Yeah, I think that's pre-rendered.

Yeah, I think that's pre-rendered.

TRAILER WATCH: Final Fantasy XIV
Let’s start with the most worthwhile thing to come out of the show: A new Final Fantasy XIV trailer! It’s really quite pretty. I want this game. A lot. And I didn’t even like Final Fantasy XI that much. Unfortunately, GameTrailers resident HaloWars298 doesn’t seem to share my opinion:

“Will turn out to be crap, just like WoW. Epic needs to show these scrubs how it’s done, I think a Gears TPS MMO could be much better than this stinky.”

I really need to stop giving random internet morons the proverbial 15 seconds of fame…

NEW FOOTAGE WATCH: The Last Guardian
Okay, so Ethos already mentioned this in his most recent issue of Scatter Storming. And it’s not that exciting anyway; Fumito Ueda waxes artsy for a bit, and then shows off about a minute of new “footage.” Still, if you’re prematurely ejaculating over the game like I am, you’ll likely enjoy it. This GameTrailers video is much better quality than the shit Ethos linked you to yesterday.

BITCH

BITCH

RELEASE DATE/TRAILER WATCH: Splinter Cell: Conviction
Gah, I don’t care about Splinter Cell! But it’s a big game, and it finally has a release date. That release date is February 23, 2010. Which, incidentally, is two weeks after BioShock 2 is set for release. What significance does that fact hold? None. None whatsoever. Anyway, if you’re interested, check out this shiny new “release date announcement trailer” that premiered at TGS.

White Knight Chronicles 2 Announced
Well, isn’t this exciting. A sequel to a kinda-sorta-popular JRPG that hasn’t yet been released outside of Japan. The only reason I consider this news at all is because SUPPOSEDLY, we Americans will receive a localized version of the original White Knight Chronicles someday. And if I were to buy, play, and enjoy White Knight Chronicles, then I’d likely be interested in the sequel. But I doubt I’ll even buy WKC, and if I do, I probably won’t play it. So why the hell am I even wasting my time talking about the sequel? Don’t ask me. It’s been a slow TGS so far. (Kotaku).

Well folks, I must admit, I’m not impressed. I think I said that already, but I’ll say it again. I’m not impressed, and I won’t be until The Legend of Zelda: Not a Gimmicky DS Game is announced. OH WAIT THAT WON’T HAPPEN.

FUCK TGS, MAN.

Tokyo Game Show 2009: Sony’s Presser was Boring

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Yeah, I’ve got your attention NOW, don’t I? Welcome to the start of Riddlethos.com’s sure-to-be-ridiculous Tokyo Game Show coverage.

That’s not to say we’ll be breaking our backs to bring you every little piece of news, but if something catches my fancy I’ll be sure to share it with you. Such as, say, Sony’s press conference. Like the title implies, it was… really boring. Or rather, reading Kotaku and IGN’s liveblogs was really boring. Kotaku’s was almost an exercise in comedy; it was written over an iPhone, and the translator left about three quarters of the way through. IGN’s was more, ah, streamlined; nonetheless, it was still boring because nothing remotely interesting was announced.

Just to give you the gist of it: Gran Turismo 5 was given a release window of March 2010, Yoshinori Kitase showed off Japan’s girly-looking FFXIII PS3 bundle, Capcom demonstrated an upcoming version of Resident Evil 5 that will feature support for Sony’s utterly pointless motion controller, boring shit for Home was announced, and some kinda community feature is coming to the PSP. There’s more of course, but the stuff I left out is even less interesting than the above.

To say the least, I was unimpressed. I’m tired and I can’t muster the energy to bring you more, ah, detailed coverage at the moment. Look for it tomorrow. For now, I leave you with a picture of a Final Fantasy XIII-themed PS3 that YOU can’t have. BAHAHAHAHA.

Pink. Why pink?

Pink. Why pink?