The podcast you wished had disappeared forever is back! With no Riddles nor Pogo, Constipated Cow steps up, and the results are disastrous! If you’re in a particularly masochistic mood, listen to these two idiots struggle for things to say and finally settle on creating demeaning situations for Cow’s girlfriend. To make things worse, Ethos wrote a terrible theme song that doesn’t suit the podcast one bit!
Please to enjoy.
Good… uh, early MORNING everyone, and welcome to yet another edition of Hey! Look! Listen! As per always, I’m your host Oliver “Riddles” Motok, and I’m here with a smattering of news stories and oddities that managed to catch my eye.
In case you haven’t guessed already, I’ve failed at playing any Wind Waker this week. However, the week is far from over, so there is time. That game happens to be my second favorite Zelda, hot on the heels of the immortal Ocarina of Time. So naturally, I’m pretty excited about re-visiting it.
Shall we?
Ubisoft Announces New Prince of Persia Game
I don’t think I’ve ever been so simultaneously thrilled and terrified by a game revelation in my life. Ubisoft has recently announced that Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands will be released for both consoles and handhelds in May, coinciding with the upcoming film. Reportedly, the game will feature “fan-favorite elements from the original series,” as well as “new gameplay innovations.”
Why is this awesome? Because it’s a) Prince of Persia and b) a return to the Sands of Time universe, which is INFINITELY preferable to the cel-shaded universe of the recent series reboot.
Why is it terrifying? Well… because it’s a movie tie-in. While I can’t imagine that Ubisoft would mar the integrity of one of their most respected franchises, it’s still an unpleasant thought, given the quality of most film tie-ins. Secondly, Ubisoft DID NOT announce if this was a return to the Sands of Time videogame universe, or a game based on the film itself. (i.e, featuring the likenesses of the actors and such). If that turns out to be the case, no corner of the internet will be safe from my wrath. Let’s just say I’m tentatively both stoked and enraged. (Kotaku, 1UP).
Final Fantasy XIII Boxart, Length Revealed
The fact that Final Fantasy XIII will be mine in four months still hasn’t quite hit me yet. Not sure why, but regardless, the internet isn’t going to rest until my anticipation has reached the breaking point. Have a look at the game’s recently-revealed boxart:
My verdict: not bad, though extremely simplistic, and the Xbox 360 version wins for showing more leg.
While I’m on the subject: Final Fantasy XIII director Motomu Toriyama has gone on the record stating the the game will be a whopping 50-60 hours long. “For XIII, the size of the entire game is considerable,” said Toriyama. ”Just running through the main story takes experienced players over 50 hours. For the first time, I think it’s possible to play through in full in about 60 hours or so.”
Good to know some things never change, I guess. Lord knows I’ll be punching in every hour and then some. (Kotaku, 1UP).
Assassin’s Creed II DLC Forthcoming
I rarely give a shit about downloadable content, but Ubisoft might change my mind with what they have planned for Assassin’s Creed II. Two different DLC packs have been announced, scheduled for release in January and February of 2010. They are entitled Battle of Forli and The Bonfire of the Vanities, respectively.
Those who have played and finished Assassin’s Creed II know that late in the game, the story skips a rather large chunk of time. (11 years, to be precise – it jumps from 1488 to 1499). Also, it skips two chapters – jumping from “Memory Sequence 11″ to “Memory Sequence 14.”
Perhaps you’re picking up on something here? If you need further proof, the Bonfire of the Vanities is an actual historical event that took place in Florence during the year 1497. Fits right in the aforementioned 11 year gap.
Oh, and Ubisoft is telling gamers to keep 1 GB of space available for each DLC, meaning these additional chapters will be quite lengthy indeed. (Kotaku).
Check Out Mass Effect 2’s New Asari Babe
I’m sorry, but Liara will not be making the cut as long as this chick’s around. All I can say at this point is damn.
Yakuza 3 Listing Found on Amazon Germany
It’s easy to forget that Yakuza 3 isn’t ACTUALLY confirmed for release outside of Japan. However, Sega’s persistent “no comments” and now this Amazon listing act as a sort of de facto announcement if you ask me. Apparently the game is set for a March release. I’d give you the link, but it’s apparently (and unsurprisingly) been taken down. Yakuza fans rejoice; I know you’re out there. I’m not one of them, though… seeing that I’ve, uh, never tried the series out. (1UP).
Nintendo Scales Back Wii Production
A report from Nikkei states that two Japanese companies, Mitsumi and Hosiden, are facing staggering losses in profit due to “declining fortunes” of Nintendo’s Wii. In case you’re slow on the uptake, Mitsumi and Hosiden are companies that assemble, among other things, Wii systems. Fewer Wiis being sold means fewer Wiis being assembled. All said, both companies are reportedly looking at net profit losses of over 50 percent. Ouch.
I find it rather humorous that, after years of keeping Wii production low, (likely for the sole purpose of stirring hype) Nintendo ramps it up, only to cut it back again with startling quickness. Or… maybe it’s all part of their evil plan. I don’t know. They’re devious little bastards like that. (Kotaku).
And that, as they say, is that! My goodness it’s late. Early. Whatever. Good thing I have to work for 10-11 hours tomorrow! Time to grab my four hours of sleep. Catch you on the flip side.
Another Thursday, another edition of… ah, actually, it’s not Thursday anymore. Oh well.
Failed introductions aside, I feel I should inform you that as I write this column, the original Jurassic Park is playing on Cinemax. I haven’t seen this movie in years, and I’d honestly forgotten how good it is. I also forgot how annoying that Timmy kid is. Just saw the part where he got shocked. Chuckled a little.
Okay, back on track. Time for some news. Or whatever approximation I can gather.
Young children would easily identify...
What the… a Spore Movie? Really?
I know you hope I’m joking. Sadly, I am not. EA Games has just struck a deal with 20th Century Fox to make a movie based on, of all properties, Spore. Reportedly, Ice Age director Chris Wedge is attached to the project.
Ice Age was good, so I can kinda see this turning out to be a good animated comedy. Spore’s colorful world and unique characters would certainly translate well into an animated flick, that much is certain. While I tend to frown on game-to-film adaptations on principle, I’m more optimistic for a Spore movie than anything else coming down the pipes. (Variety).
Avoid Wii Update 4.2
Now these are rather… dire tidings. It’s news like this that makes me glad I don’t utilize WiiConnect24. Or whatever the fuck it’s called. Reports have been flying hither and thither about Wii Update 4.2 rendering Wii’s useless. Problems include freezing in the middle of the update, disc read errors after installing the update, and worst of all, error messages claiming that the Wii has been modified, and then failing to start.
Nintendo has already issued a statement on their tech support forums addressing the issue. Or rather, just an apology and an offer to fix bricked consoles for free. As long as it wasn’t previously modded, of course.
You can't deny, it's a very attractive device.
Sony Adding PSP-Only Digital Copies to Blu-Ray Discs
I seem to recall that this was brought up as a possibility sometime last year; if I had to guess, I’d say it was E3 2008. But I’m too lazy to research it, and it’s just an aside anyway. Starting November 10 Sony Pictures Home Entertainment will include digital copies on Blu-Ray discs that can be transfered to PSP systems. Kinda like those digital copies for the PC that get thrown in every so often, except… for the PSP. Not too hard to grasp, eh? The first two Blu-Rays to sport this feature will be 1997’s Godzilla and The Ugly Truth.
Neat little feature, though I doubt I’ll ever use it. (Kotaku).
Oh, The PSP Go Came Out Today
Or yesterday, rather. In any case, it’s out now. I don’t know if you’ve been following the early reviews of the system, but they haven’t been entirely positive. It seems that reviewers just can’t justify the PSP Go’s $250 price tag, especially given its lack of compatibility with UMD libraries. But hey, don’t take MY word for it. Check out Kotaku’s review here.
Or, if you’d like, check out IGN’s verdict here.
That’s all I got. Jurassic Park is over. I have a strange desire to see the second and third films now. They weren’t that great if my memory serves me. BUT THE DESIRE REMAINS.
Okay, for real, that’s all I got. Goodnight everyone.
Alright! I held off on posting this in case the TGS Press Conference held anything. It didn’t. But that’s fine, I think Sony has one later “today”, and Riddles will be all over that. As for now, let’s get to my all-over-the-place brain.
SWEET! Lost Winds 2! -
What?! I didn’t know this game was coming out! Amazing! In my opinion, there are very, very few games that justify the Wii’s existence as a Wiimote-based console, but Lost Winds is one of them. It’s clever, has great art design, music that’s not entirely dissimilar to Shadow of the Colossus, and addicting controls. The first one was short and sweet, and come out pretty much around WiiWare’s launch. I remember hearing that the developers intended on making a sequel, but there was silence for a very long time. Although it was my homepage three years ago, I rarely check the Wii channel of IGN anymore, but I’m glad I decided to wander by the other day. This is absolutely reason to switch on that little white box again.
BUH? Magnacarta 2 -
What is this game? I’ve never heard of this game. What is this game? What? Is it supposed to be any good? Why didn’t anybody tell me about it? The screens look good. What? This looks like a major, epic JRPG release exclusive to the 360 and nobody told me about it! WHAT THE CRAP?!?! Maybe it’s supposed to suck, I heard the first one did. But still!
PRETTY! The Last Guardian footage -
There was some new footage shown at TGS. Meet the new footage, same as the old footage. Still, I obviously want this game. Off Screen video here.
PRESS RELEASED! Wii Price Cut Official-
Who cares? I just feel the need to post Nintendo news because I get press releases from them and so I feel special. Far more interesting was the inclusion of a November 15th release date of New Super Mario Bros. The only Wii retail game I intend on buying this entire year. Oops, except Excite Bots. That was this year. That game is STILL awesome.
THAT’S IT FOLKS! That’s all that’s swirling around in my mind at the moment. I’ve been back to work and off my sleeping schedule, but let’s hope that changes tomorrow and you see me back in my regular posting-complete-nonsense form! SUCK IT!
Interesting editorial on IGN. More optimistic than even I would be about the Wii, but I enjoyed the 2 page read. Thoughts?
